Not claiming to be an expert, but I think first is way too long. I so see how they were trying to show personality and character traits with a show don’t tell and agree with that angle.

My kid’s was much more like the second one which I would call the reiterating fit both ways and updating. Mine make a super cringe mistake on the school nickname and got in off waitlist of an Ivy that doesn’t take many off, so whatever impression was made prior wasn’t hurt with that. Made me think they had value to a point.

Here's one from CEG (though I don't really like his stuff):

A great example letter:
Dear Ms. Veronica Lauren,

My name is Zola Avery, and I’m a hopeful Yalie from Bergen County, New Jersey. Though deferred from the Early Action pool, I remain absolutely convinced that Yale is the school for me. I’d like to thank the admissions department for reevaluating my materials.

This past weekend, I got the opportunity to spend some time up in New Haven for the Yale University Model United Nations Conference (YMUN), serving as part of the United Nations International Strategy for Disaster Reduction Committee (UNISDR) and debating rising sea levels and volcanic eruptions. Speaking with current Yale students made me realize more than ever before that I was with my people—warm, incredibly funny, artistic in their own way, and unabashedly inquisitive. This weekend, I was where I belong.

I would also like to take this time to briefly tell the admissions department about a few things that have happened since I submitted my Early Action application. First, I wrote, illustrated, and published a children’s book centered around gender inclusivity in STEM fields, with all proceeds going towards supporting curriculum development and outreach for the Stereotype Project, an organization I’ve been running for the past four years that focuses on combating stereotypes through art. I’ve attached PDF copies of my book, Mika and the Microscope, along with some other information, but you should be receiving a copy in the mail soon. I very much believe the magic of reading is magnified when the book is in its physical form (and I think my brother and sister, 5 and 9, would definitely agree).

Secondly, I’d like to add the following honors to my admissions file:
- Best Delegate, Yale University Model United Nations Conference
- Outstanding Delegate, Bronx Science High School Model United Nations Conference
- Member of the Andrea Rubino Sheridan Chapter of National Honor Society

My whole life I have worked to draw connections and bridge the gap between science, social justice, and art. Whether wandering through the Yale Art Museum, bringing together feuding nations as part of YMUN, or listening to Dr. Woo-Kyoung Ahn speak about causal learning and the relationship between genetic explanations and psychopathology, I know that no community will help me flourish quite like Yale’s would. I know that there is nowhere else I’d rather create the future.

Again, thank you for taking the time to reevaluate my application. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can provide.

Sincerely,
Zola Avery
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/letter-of-continued-interest

Which one of the above is the "right" track?

Does anyone think this one is good?

LOCI Example Below:

Dear XXXX Admissions,

I hope this letter finds you well! I am grateful for the opportunity to be considered again for admission, and I’m very excited to tell you about what I’ve been up to since November!

While writing my college essays, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on the last few years of high school so far. I started out at [Name of high school] feeling extremely overwhelmed; it seemed like everyone knew what they wanted to be when they “grew up.” To try to answer this question, I threw myself into everything, from backpacking in Yosemite for 5 days (I decided this wasn’t for me) to performing for a poetry slam. Therefore, since the first semester of senior year, I have been continuing to push myself to get out of my comfort zone, alongside maintaining all As in my classes.

I have a poster on my wall that says, “Seek Discomfort”. Since November, I led my team for [nonprofit organization] to start our first ever race, where we donated over 40 pairs of shoes to students in [location], and helped them train by running 10-15 miles a week alongside the Pacific coast. We purposely woke up at 5:30am for these sunrise runs, and we purposely pushed each runner’s limits a little further each week. We even ran into the icy cold ocean at the end of one session simply to underline the fact that being uncomfortable is the first stage in personal growth. Currently we have 8-14 students that join us consistently each week on the beach runs. We aim to grow it and have another eager underclassmen from my track and field team to take over this community so it continues to flourish even after we graduate high school.

As the older sibling to my 10-year-old step sister, I have also been spending more time babysitting her since submitting my application, because my mom is working more than ever before. Recently, my sister began to express interest in coding. As an aspiring psychology major, I have little experience, but we have been taking online classes through [Program], and we are in the process of coding a motion sensor security camera for her room using a Raspberry Pi. This is outside of my comfort zone, but we are learning and teaching each other on the weekends. It has been extremely rewarding to spend quality time with her while learning a new skill. Creating our own personal project has made me more interested in exploring how computer science (CS) can be utilized to help diagnose mental health issues and ways to offer more personalized support for those suffering. At [college name], I hope to explore the myriad of ways that CS intersects with the humanities and social sciences to create solutions that help others.

I recently had the amazing opportunity to speak to [name of alum], a graduate of [school name], to learn more about the school. His experiences in [a personal anecdote] extremely excite me, as I aspire to do the same; I’d love to pursue [a particular program at the school] by contributing back to the city of [name]. Through our meeting, I realized that students at [school name] are go-getters; they want to grow as individuals, and they continuously seek discomfort to do so. This is exactly the type of environment that I would love to contribute to. I believe that people with a growth mindset continuously push each other in a community to achieve their best selves. I’ve witnessed this power of a true, growth-oriented community through my running career and mentoring underserved youth through [nonprofit x]. Should I be admitted, I will absolutely attend and I will push my peers to be the best versions of themselves that they can be to elevate themselves, the greater community, and [school name] spirit.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my letter.

Warm Regards,

Name

https://winningivyprep.com/loci-example/

Anonymous wrote:Crazy to me that students who are looking at top universities, who should highly intelligent and accomplished, can't manage to compose a well-written letter of interest on their own. Wonder how they will manage when they get to said school.

Please stop. The type of writing for a personal essay and now a LOCI is highly specific. It’s not something they have been taught to do in school. No one expects a 17 year old to know the specific format for this very specific situation where they’re going to write this one letter.

Not knowing exactly how to format a LOCI does not spell impending doom for for a kid. I know you did all your applications and letters and essays on your own in 1986. Good for you. It’s a wholly different process now.

Crazy to me that students who are looking at top universities, who should highly intelligent and accomplished, can't manage to compose a well-written letter of interest on their own. Wonder how they will manage when they get to said school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ type, meant essay, don’t do that

What if you realize that you screwed up your essay or didn't get your point across in the original app?

I’d try to correct whatever I felt went wrong in a way reiterating fit concisely, but not an essay. They don’t have the time to read another round of essays and likely won’t. The format someone posted above is correct.

ChatGPT then edit

Anonymous wrote:^ type, meant essay, don’t do that

What if you realize that you screwed up your essay or didn't get your point across in the original app?

Anonymous wrote:Should you submit a new essay or only updates?

No to the essay. Yes to the updates in a one-page letter.

Paraphraph 1: I’m writing to share that I love Cupcake University and am fully committed to attending if offered admission.

Paragraph 2-3: Since I first submitted my application, I have continued/have been able to…
Share about activities completed in an extracurricular. Share about an accomplishment with a sport or musical performance. Share about any awards. Share about an extracurricular already doing, but in greater depth than in the initial application.

Paragraph 4: Continuing to work hard in rigorous classes and finishing senior year strong. Again, most looking forward to becoming part of the Cupcake U community of learners.

Signed,
Sally Student

^ type, meant essay, don’t do that

My kid applied to top schools and did LOCI for deferral and waitlist, they absolutely do not want another waitlist. I am not sure if this is a different story for other schools, but I highly doubt it. It’s updates and reiterating fit, anything more will annoy and be counterproductive.

Anonymous wrote:Should you submit a new essay or only updates?

I think the letter should have the essay inside.

Troll.

Nobody needs to pay $4k for a Letter of interest. E

Should you submit a new essay or only updates?

Looking for help with a LOCI letter....