Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Multiple times per day

Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

My mom and I say it every time we see each other or on the phone. Grew up saying it a lot in our household - goodnight, love you - with mom and siblings. My dad says it but less often - he grew up with immigrant parents who survived the Holocaust and I don’t think he heard it as much as a child. Expressing emotions generally harder on his side of the family.

I say it to my kids too many times a day to keep track of - before they leave for school, randomly throughout the day, and definitely at bedtime. I don’t keep track of how often my husband tells them though.

From my mother, never. From my father, frequently.

Yet it was my mother who actually stuck around to raise us.

My parents never said it when I was a kid. I think it became a thing to say during the Oprah television era. They also began to hug us then when we would leave. I was an adult then. That is when they started and they continued to say and do throughout their lives.

My parents never said it when I was a kid. I think it became a thing to say during the Oprah television era. They also began to hug us then when we would leave. I was an adult then. That is when they started and they continued to say and do throughout their lives.

Never from my mom.

From my dad on his literal deathbed when I was 32.

And no, them loving me was never implied in other ways.

Never, but nobody is bummed out. It was cultural. We knew they loved us. That was better than hearing it.

Constantly. Even when I was a terrible teen and we fought all the time. Now, multiple times when we are on the phone - and I talk to my mom every day on the phone.

My husband and I are like this with each other, too. And of course with the pets. (We don't have kids but I am sure we'd smother them if we did.)

I'm really grateful to have grown up with a family that defaulted to saying I love you too often.

never

Anonymous wrote:Every day before school and before bed and then every time anyone left the house. Ironically, my mom was emotionally abusive. So, I've never felt like the words "I love you" mean much. It's how people show their love that I find important.

Yes, you can say it all you want, but actions speak louder than words.

My husband’s mother says “I love you” all the time. Constantly. But she is mean, judgmental, hypercritical and emotionally labile. She almost seems to view us all with contempt - we don’t have enough money or class, the house isn’t nice enough, the kids and I aren’t attractive enough, I make my husband (her son) do too much around the house, our minivan is embarrassing.

The kids laugh and say “grandma says she loves us but she really hates us!”
I tell them that I think grandma loves them in her own way, and our kids just laugh. My husband stays quiet, and tells me “let them draw their own conclusions.”

Not much until my sibling was killed when we were in our 20s. Then, every time I spoke to them.

I do think some people kill the phrase with overuse. It starts to lose meaning. Actions do speak louder than words, that is the truth.

Everyday and multiple times a day. They also showed me with their actions. I was and still am loved by my family.