Anonymous wrote:Well I refuse to tell anyone I had breast cancer. If people are not guenuinly invested in me why would I open up with something so personal? you don't get to demand to know what's she's going through to prove she's not manipulating you into caring about her. Be better OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the election = a lot
Working for the federal govt = a lot
Kids having an issue = a lot

My advice is to give her some space.

Yep. Agree.

I'm also going through a lot-
Chronic health problems - heart condition no one other than my husband knows about

Suicidal teen

Job loss

Depressed spouse

Dying MIL

Sister, SIL, and best friend have different types of cancer - one is stage 4.

My family knows most of this and they don't seem to give a sh!+ so I've stopped telling them the rest. I say "I can't come. I have a lot on my plate to deal with." If that makes me difficult, then perhaps they could offer a bit more empathy when I do tell them something.

Anonymous wrote:In what way does this impact you OP? Do you insert yourself into all his relationships?

Anonymous wrote:Well I refuse to tell anyone I had breast cancer. If people are not guenuinly invested in me why would I open up with something so personal? you don't get to demand to know what's she's going through to prove she's not manipulating you into caring about her. Be better OP

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the election = a lot
Working for the federal govt = a lot
Kids having an issue = a lot

My advice is to give her some space.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like this started when SIL picked a fight with DH, he stood up for himself, and she broke down and started saying she was going through a lot. I can offer that my mom will treat her family poorly, and if any of us push back, she will often back way down and say "I am going through a lot/when I tell you what's going on with me, you will understand why I acted like that/etc.". It is my opinion that my mom can't stand being wrong or taking accountability for her actions, so she always has to use some illness/personal drama/etc to explain away her bad behavior. She treats us like crap, comes up with a sob story, and then WE are supposed to feel bad for HER.

Maybe some of this resonates with you. The best thing to do with this kind of person is to keep things light and not get sucked into their drama. They will only get worse.

People like this don't get any contact from me until they get it together. I refuse to get sucked into their weird games.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like this started when SIL picked a fight with DH, he stood up for himself, and she broke down and started saying she was going through a lot. I can offer that my mom will treat her family poorly, and if any of us push back, she will often back way down and say "I am going through a lot/when I tell you what's going on with me, you will understand why I acted like that/etc.". It is my opinion that my mom can't stand being wrong or taking accountability for her actions, so she always has to use some illness/personal drama/etc to explain away her bad behavior. She treats us like crap, comes up with a sob story, and then WE are supposed to feel bad for HER.

Maybe some of this resonates with you. The best thing to do with this kind of person is to keep things light and not get sucked into their drama. They will only get worse.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the election = a lot
Working for the federal govt = a lot
Kids having an issue = a lot

My advice is to give her some space.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I refuse to tell anyone I had breast cancer. If people are not guenuinly invested in me why would I open up with something so personal? you don't get to demand to know what's she's going through to prove she's not manipulating you into caring about her. Be better OP

Did you tell people that you're going through a lot and need xyz all the time? You don't have to tell people your medical issues, but you can't expect people to have a lot of sympathy for constant vague references to "a lot" either. You sound a bit strange yourself.

--NP

I don't expect any sympathy. But if you keep pestering me about something and I say I am going through a lot, I expect you to back off and stop pestering me. If you don't like my answer, that's on you. You don't get to demand a better answer to appease yourself.

Anonymous wrote:She's manipulative. It's a tactic where one picks a fight and then when the other person stands up for themselves, they turn into a victim. So there're 2 things which tells me she's manipulative: she's picking fights (hurting people have no need picking fights) and she's vague on purpose (if it's a real thing, she'd say something).