Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:42     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?



I think most boys don't know or are fearful of approaching girls. They usually need a sign/hint before they go for it so girls will show their interest by snapping them first. Of course there are some exceptions. My daughter met 2 boys who were confident enough to approach her first, ask her out on a date, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:03     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:My quick reaction is to be grateful that she is not dating high school boys. (With apologies to decent high school boys who don't want sex or a vaping buddy).
This doesn't help you deal with the loneliness of your daughter, and she can deal with this by asking friend/s to a movie, a hike, a dance, an anime fest, whatever her interests are. These will be more group-oriented dates ("Let's go bowling") than one-on-one. But she could get to know a guy better, in a group setting, rather than a date. I agree with those who say that life changes in college--and the boys change, too (for the better,in my experience!)


Agree - the boys change for the better. It’s your job as her mom to help her realize that she REALLY is not missing out on anything. And as an adult, there will be very little she remembers about her high school social life.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 09:57     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
My quick reaction is to be grateful that she is not dating high school boys. (With apologies to decent high school boys who don't want sex or a vaping buddy).
This doesn't help you deal with the loneliness of your daughter, and she can deal with this by asking friend/s to a movie, a hike, a dance, an anime fest, whatever her interests are. These will be more group-oriented dates ("Let's go bowling") than one-on-one. But she could get to know a guy better, in a group setting, rather than a date. I agree with those who say that life changes in college--and the boys change, too (for the better,in my experience!)
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 09:55     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?



I have not found this to be the case. My daughter has not had a boyfriend yet but the majority of crush reveals, and hangouts have been initiated by a boy.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 09:47     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?

Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 07:26     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 06:55     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My daughter goes to a small college prep private. She reports there is very little dating. In the school, there are maybe seven couples. I'm glad about that. I don't want her limited by a HS sweetheart. Way more dating happens in college. I'd just caution her about hookup culture. That doesn't lead to a boyfriend.


Such a strange description. Is there any private HS that isn't focused on college prep?

Put another way, is there any private HS that focuses on preparing kids for the trades?


Are you not a private school family? Those of us who are know that some schools market themselves as being college prep. No need to get your knickers in a bunch.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 06:53     Subject: Re:18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:She needs an education and a way to support herself, not a boyfriend. She must have an idealized view of boyfriends.


This.[b]
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 06:52     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
I would not worry about this. If she wants to date, it'll happen in college. There's really nothing the constant attention of a teenage boy and posting up on social media is going to do to increase your daughter's self worth and confidence. The opportunity to go to a single sex school is so rewarding - take it all in. In college her world will open up and she'll be confident because of her college experience instead of having low self esteem because she bases her self worth or value on the opinion of a guy.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 06:30     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't really say much. She'll figure it out. I wouldn't invest much in "supporting" her through this.


yes, trust me--i never bring it up. I just field comments when she brings them up (like not getting asked to homecoming) Or when her younger brother (a year younger) goes out with girls (dates) and she makes comments. Then i wonder, should i be suggesting that she text guys? Be more assertive? Flirty? Gag. Sigh. Never thought I'd be in this spot. I can't wait for her to leave for college and have her world open up, although a teeny part of me worries that this will continue on (i've seen through friends with older kids that high school issues don't always go away in college).


Has she ever been asked to a dance? Has she ever asked a boy to a dance at her school?
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 00:57     Subject: Re:18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
OP here. She HAS been interested in specific boys--there have been several this year.


Is there some reason she can't text a boy or ask one out as an 18 year old woman in 2024? Does she think it's 1954? It sounds like she's sitting around waiting for her prince to come.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2024 18:47     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
She’s at an all girls school.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2024 18:42     Subject: Re:18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
I wish I hadn't dated in high school. Although I had a nice boyfriend, the time could have been spent in better ways.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2024 18:36     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
She’s at an all girls school and as you mentioned not getting a lot of face time with guys. So that’s part of it. Also, romantic movies/shows are a fairy tale or drama heavy version of real life which she should understand.

All in all I’d tell her to just go about enjoying life and exploring her interest.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2024 18:25     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
There was a VERY similar thread not that long ago. See the archives for more advice.