Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 23:00     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Unless you have a child who will never grow up and become independent, you really don’t know what hard is, or the special hell we live in every day. Nothing has made me despise humanity as much as seeing the way my developmentally disabled kid is dismissed by society.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 22:50     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
OP - I am right there with you. And I’m sorry there are people on this thread discounting your feelings with their nonsense about how someone they know allegedly has it harder so…buck up? It’s the perfect illustration of how some people just don’t get it. The PTSD from your child being very sick or heavily impacted by SN. Not sleeping for years. The exhaustion that comes with it. There are many that can’t comprehend your struggle and dismiss you; just ignore them. Somehow they feel better about themselves for putting you in your place and telling you that you should be grateful (though they know nothing about you).
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 21:42     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has it easy. Of course that's true! But some people do, objectively, have parenting easier than my family. And that's hard to deal with.


Sure, but a) this is just a snapshot in time and there's no saying how life will unfold and b) someone always has it easier (or harder!) than you.


Or how life has unfolded. My best friend’s father walked out on her family when she was a child and she struggled with substance abuse (cocaine) at Harvard and for six years post graduation. She somehow managed to not have it impact her career seriously and is vert successful, but she did spent almost a decade in active addiction. She is also happily married with three NT kids at 40.

We all have our own struggles. Yea, parenting is easier for her (I assume). Was her childhood easier with an absent father and a pill popping mother? Was it easy for her to be in active addiction for her 29s? Both no.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 17:39     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes I have been there. I have a child with special needs and medical complications, and then my husband almost died in a freak accident and I could get out the violins and give a long story. I allow myself to feel it all and grieve. I also try to keep track of the good, no matter how tiny. I also do remind myself of the tragedies in the world and the people facing far more hardship who keep going. I think we all cling to hope for a brighter moment, day or future and while we can't predict the future, I do find I get brighter moments and days.


My husband actually did unexpectedly die when my special needs child was 2 years old and not yet diagnosed (that came 4 years later). Now he's a teen. My husband's death was unthinkably awful and nearly destroyed me. I have now spent over a decade and thousands of dollars on advocates, attorneys, psychiatrists, therapists, you name it. Having been judged, rejected, lied to, alienated and humiliated, I think my "roiling rage" as one poster described it, is rightfully justified on certain days. If I turn my anger inward, I will mentally collapse. My rage gives me the energy to live another day.


I am so sorry. Nobody should have to go through all that.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 17:28     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:Yes I have been there. I have a child with special needs and medical complications, and then my husband almost died in a freak accident and I could get out the violins and give a long story. I allow myself to feel it all and grieve. I also try to keep track of the good, no matter how tiny. I also do remind myself of the tragedies in the world and the people facing far more hardship who keep going. I think we all cling to hope for a brighter moment, day or future and while we can't predict the future, I do find I get brighter moments and days.


My husband actually did unexpectedly die when my special needs child was 2 years old and not yet diagnosed (that came 4 years later). Now he's a teen. My husband's death was unthinkably awful and nearly destroyed me. I have now spent over a decade and thousands of dollars on advocates, attorneys, psychiatrists, therapists, you name it. Having been judged, rejected, lied to, alienated and humiliated, I think my "roiling rage" as one poster described it, is rightfully justified on certain days. If I turn my anger inward, I will mentally collapse. My rage gives me the energy to live another day.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 17:05     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anyone else feel this way? I have such a chip on my shoulder dealing with how unfair and difficult it is to have a child with a special need. I find myself just resentful of my sister and friends who kids have few if any struggles so far. “You don’t understand” “Life is so easy did you” “If you only knew” “Put yourself in my shoes” “If only our issues were so petty” are just a few of the phrases that run through my head. I’m admitting this on here because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I know, therapy helps. But at the moment I don’t have the time. Anyone relate? Has anyone managed to be in this position then get past it?


I have a constant, voilent, roiling rage about how unfairly people and systems treat my child. I will never ve the person in was before and this feeling will never mellow.


I feel it too. Constant seething, persistent contempt at a hollow society and people who let the most vulnerable children and their families drown. When the rage gets to be too much, I listen to These Days by Foo Fighters. Helps for an instant. Then resets to bitterness for how life has turned out for my children.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 16:48     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:Yes I have been there. I have a child with special needs and medical complications, and then my husband almost died in a freak accident and I could get out the violins and give a long story. I allow myself to feel it all and grieve. I also try to keep track of the good, no matter how tiny. I also do remind myself of the tragedies in the world and the people facing far more hardship who keep going. I think we all cling to hope for a brighter moment, day or future and while we can't predict the future, I do find I get brighter moments and days.


I forgot to mention the people I know who truly seem to have it all sometimes fall apart at things that wouldn't even make me flinch.Anyone's bubble can burst at any moment with a new diagnosis or tragic event and sometimes that doesn't happen for many years. Savor whatever good you find no matter how hard things get. I think I appreciate some things that people with easier lives don't even notice...until it's gone.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 16:46     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Yes I have been there. I have a child with special needs and medical complications, and then my husband almost died in a freak accident and I could get out the violins and give a long story. I allow myself to feel it all and grieve. I also try to keep track of the good, no matter how tiny. I also do remind myself of the tragedies in the world and the people facing far more hardship who keep going. I think we all cling to hope for a brighter moment, day or future and while we can't predict the future, I do find I get brighter moments and days.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 07:58     Subject: I have a chip on my shoulder and can’t get past it.
Anonymous wrote:I’m in therapy, but it’s not helping.


If it isn’t helping, your therapist may not be a good fit or the modality may not be the best. I personally found that CBT did nothing for me. I wound up with a therapist that uses ISTDP and it was transformative. I’ve also heard that EDMR is great. Apparently parenting kids with disabilities can create stress and PTSD that’s on par with the stress and PTSD levels of people in war zones.