Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 23:08     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
It’s pretty evil to disinvite a kid three days before Halloween, with his entire friend group coming over but him. Giving him little chance to make other plans and further alienating him. Like that’s heartless behavior. Especially over discord chat.

Hosting you have an opportunity to speak to the whole group. Say you have heard about some crappy language and explain why it’s hurtful. If your son doesn’t want to keep being friends with this kid, let him handle it.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 22:49     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Anonymous wrote:Boys insult each other and get mad over video games, yell, throw controllers, quit and rejoin their group, etc......its normal.


+1
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 22:35     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Anonymous wrote:At 8th grade you can still call the other mom. Say you aren’t comfortable with this, would like him to sit out this gathering, and would like her or his dad to have a discussion with him so it doesn’t impact his relationships going forward. He needs a wake up call.


You can call the parents after the Halloween get-together although I personally think that would be weird. But do not hurt this kid on the holiday. It's pretty monstrous to think that's being considered.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 18:06     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
At 8th grade you can still call the other mom. Say you aren’t comfortable with this, would like him to sit out this gathering, and would like her or his dad to have a discussion with him so it doesn’t impact his relationships going forward. He needs a wake up call.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:46     Subject: Re:Disinvite ds friend?
Anonymous wrote:What happens on Discord stays on Discord. If you are reading over your child's shoulder and it wasn't said to you in person, then it seems you are micromanaging and getting overly involved in teen boy chat. Stay out of it and don't worry. It's like mean girl clique behavior to renege an invitation which could scar him for life. If he's threatening to hurt himself, how he's going to handle it if you exclude him from the party? And it will be on your conscience if he hurts himself. He probably won't, but be kind to the poor kid. They are going through rapid changes and dealing with the online world we never had to deal with. Also it sounds like you don't want the party to be all "rural" kids, which sounds kind of racist against let me guess...whites? All the more reason to include the one Asian kid, even if you are afraid he's going to be problematic. Really this sounds like it's more about your own anxiety about hosting a party with teen boys. If their behavior gets out of control, then send them home early, but uninviting is poor etiquette.


It sounded to me that she felt nervous about her own position as a minority in the rural neighborhood which is presumably white and felt like she didn't want the "bad" Asian kid to represent her race when he comes over. The post was all about her and her feelings and not wanting to protect her child. Fortunately her child seems to be dealing with the child's bad behavior as well as the mom's bad behavior fine and still seems to be a good kid.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:43     Subject: Re:Disinvite ds friend?
Anonymous wrote:Wait, an Asian kid made an Asian racial slur? It seems inconsiderate of your feelings but I don't think that reaches the same level as if he were not the same race. It sounds like the boy gets overstimulated and dysregulated and aggressive from the video games and that's probably what is causing his choice of words. I would take it with a grain of salt. Try not having them play video games. He might be more normal or totally bored so have something else planned.


I don't think it matters for the purposes of the Halloween invite. Read: Do not disinvite him OP unless you're a villain. But I do want to know was he calling someone the name or just talking trash in general? MS boys talk smack all the time and it's very different from bullying someone of a certain race with racial slurs.

The kid who pushed another kid on the playground and called him a racial slur would be on my no invite list (but not on a disinvite list - no one does that OP). But a MS kid who was saying bad things in the middle of a heated video game would be completely normal. I wouldn't be a huge fan of his but I wouldn't write him off just yet.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:39     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Apparently you invited this boy knowing he “often” does this. What changed?
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:32     Subject: Re:Disinvite ds friend?
What happens on Discord stays on Discord. If you are reading over your child's shoulder and it wasn't said to you in person, then it seems you are micromanaging and getting overly involved in teen boy chat. Stay out of it and don't worry. It's like mean girl clique behavior to renege an invitation which could scar him for life. If he's threatening to hurt himself, how he's going to handle it if you exclude him from the party? And it will be on your conscience if he hurts himself. He probably won't, but be kind to the poor kid. They are going through rapid changes and dealing with the online world we never had to deal with. Also it sounds like you don't want the party to be all "rural" kids, which sounds kind of racist against let me guess...whites? All the more reason to include the one Asian kid, even if you are afraid he's going to be problematic. Really this sounds like it's more about your own anxiety about hosting a party with teen boys. If their behavior gets out of control, then send them home early, but uninviting is poor etiquette.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:16     Subject: Re:Disinvite ds friend?
Wait, an Asian kid made an Asian racial slur? It seems inconsiderate of your feelings but I don't think that reaches the same level as if he were not the same race. It sounds like the boy gets overstimulated and dysregulated and aggressive from the video games and that's probably what is causing his choice of words. I would take it with a grain of salt. Try not having them play video games. He might be more normal or totally bored so have something else planned.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 17:03     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
A lot of posts vaguely talk of a “racial slur” but don’t explain anything about it. Kind of useless to ask for advice without any information
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 16:43     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Asian American mom of a middle school boy. DS13 and his friends talk a lot of trash.

I would not uninvite a child over this but may never invite him in the future. It sounds like it bothers you more than your son.z
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 16:04     Subject: Re:Disinvite ds friend?
I am breaking from the majority and saying you must end this friendship, not because of the racist remarks but the threat to hurt himself over a video game.

You don't want that in your kid's life.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 15:57     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Anonymous wrote:You should not disinvite anyone at this late notice to a Halloween party. Not even an adult, not to mention a child. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with people, it's as if you're soulless.


+1000
I hope OP is just writing to vent and won't actually do this.
OP-Imagine how you would feel if it was your child. You don't need to invite the kid in the future but you really should not rescind an invite. And in the future just don't host the whole friend group. It's okay to invite a few kids from the friend group that you like, not okay to host all except one kid in the friend group.


Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 15:51     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
Boys insult each other and get mad over video games, yell, throw controllers, quit and rejoin their group, etc......its normal.
Anonymous
Post 10/28/2024 14:27     Subject: Disinvite ds friend?
You should not disinvite anyone at this late notice to a Halloween party. Not even an adult, not to mention a child. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with people, it's as if you're soulless.