I have a friend who calls him her wasband. I think it's softer but gets the point across.

Nobody has mentioned this, but IMO it also depends who you’re talking to.

One of a few very close friends who were there to help clean up after the bomb drop? I can call him whatever I want. Nothing is too profane.

A more casual friend who knew him prior to divorce? He’s addressed by first name.

Someone who knows my kids – school, medical, sports, etc.? Larlo and Larla’s father

If I have to refer to him in any other setting with someone who doesn’t know him, I say “my former husband” to keep it formal. I do not want to discuss him and I do not want to run the risk that I might tear up.

I'm sure this will get better with time - you're breaking a longtime habit. Also, if you're recalling memories, he was "husband" at the time the story took place, so it seems very natural to be like "My husband and I went to Paris..." etc.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As a person listening, I prefer “Larla’s father” or “my ex-husband.”

“My ex” feels kind of hostile. It would make me mildly uncomfortable as the listener.

I say my ex. I don’t want to even add husband to it. It’s much better than “my cheating, lying ex”. I’m hoping my hostility eventually fades over years but it’s hard to say a respectful word about him now

Thank you finally a woman who dumped her ex cheating husband without having to be apologetic about it.

The first couple of months post divorce with people very closed for me I used to refer to my ex wife as "the slut". Men would laugh about it but women not so much. Now almost a year later I overcame my anger and hurt and I find myself referring to her mostly as "she"

Referring to an ex spouse no matter what happened as a derogatory name makes the other party seem bitter and angry and people won't want to be around them. I know a woman who referred to her ex as "the sperm donor", "[other language word for dumb-dumb]" and more. She was very hard to be around.

You need to have more empathy for a person who may gone through the biggest betrayal and tragedy of their life.

I can have empathy AND be turned off my juvenile name calling. An adult man slut shaking his ex wife will make me think she had no choice but to end her relationship to such a misogynistic jerk even if I wish she had done it more cleanly. You cede the high ground when you call people names.