Anonymous wrote:No man who is a good, involved father and a moral, respectable person would say this. Either a) you don't really parent the children you already have, so a couple more doesn't seem like a big deal to you. Or b) you don't actually want more children, but you do want to match with younger women, and you don't care if you waste their fertility window.

I'm an attractive divorced 40 yo mom and before I made "don't want children" a dealbreaker, I got dozens of you gross dudes slobbering over my profile begging me for a chance every day. As soon as I saw that you're 45+, "have kids" and are also "open to kids" you went directly in the trash because you're a useless loser who is not worth my time. You all deserved to be baby trapped into family #2 by desperate late 30s women who lied about being on birth control.

Sounds like you have some things to work through before you get back on the dating scene. Bejesus.

Anonymous wrote:No man who is a good, involved father and a moral, respectable person would say this. Either a) you don't really parent the children you already have, so a couple more doesn't seem like a big deal to you. Or b) you don't actually want more children, but you do want to match with younger women, and you don't care if you waste their fertility window.

I'm an attractive divorced 40 yo mom and before I made "don't want children" a dealbreaker, I got dozens of you gross dudes slobbering over my profile begging me for a chance every day. As soon as I saw that you're 45+, "have kids" and are also "open to kids" you went directly in the trash because you're a useless loser who is not worth my time. You all deserved to be baby trapped into family #2 by desperate late 30s women who lied about being on birth control.

Um, just to sort of fill you in, the reason men check “open to children” is because they want the broadest pool of applicants. Men like to bang. It’s as simple as that. A recently divorced dad on these apps soon finds out he limits his potential catch, even if he really doesn’t want kids and to marry again, and his odds of getting laid, by like at least 50% if he checks “doesn’t want kids”. Men are simple creatures, deary. They aren’t all in it to immediately get remarried in a year and have another women control their life and yell at them. They’d kind of like to just play the market, go ride their bike and watch their own fking HBO shows for a while unbothered. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

They mean they’re okay with YOUR kids.

Something I noticed dating 40s men, whether they were dads or not, is that they really were “open” to having more kids.

Meaning, in my 20s/30s, men often REALLY wanted kids. Getting married and being a dad was a top priority.

But once they hit middle age, it was more about finding the “right” woman and doing basically whatever she wanted. Usually the “right” woman meant someone the exact opposite of their xW, and usually younger.

And most of the time, having more kids wasn’t that big of a deal for them because they didn’t see kids as a huge deal - they weren’t the ones giving birth and taking care of the kids. So why not have more, it’s not that hard, right?

Unfortunately the men I know who did remarry young and have kids because that’s what the woman wanted ended up in the same boat again. A wife who resented them and lost all interest in sex because she was doing everything. So most ended up with a second divorce. A few got it together and realized had they just done that in their first marriage, things would have been fine.