You can't force a teen to spend time with the parent if they choose not to. And a court won't make the teen go. I continue to pay child support even though my ex only has our child about 90% of the time though.

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

+100. My ex seems to have zero understanding that he needs to put in effort to maintain a positive relationship with our kid. Instead he just feels he is entitled to “his” time and gets mad at me and kid when kid drags his feet or expresses that he doesn’t want to go.

Right?! Like they are objects. It isn’t even about the kids, it’s a tug of war.
Disgusting.

I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over the refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

+100. My ex seems to have zero understanding that he needs to put in effort to maintain a positive relationship with our kid. Instead he just feels he is entitled to “his” time and gets mad at me and kid when kid drags his feet or expresses that he doesn’t want to go.

So much this. My ex won't let our teen participate in social events and disallows him from attending school and sports events during HIS time. He's got a closet-sized bedroom him with twin blow-up mattresses that are too short for him (meanwhile he drives an exotic car and pats zero child support or share of his expenses because when I tried to enforce it in the past, he took it out onnput kid). Just recently he left our kid alone in a dangerous place promising he'd be there for pick up at a certain time, leaving him alone, in the dark, for 45 minutes until I finally got a call and picked him up. It's so bad that I wouldn't dream of bad-mouthing my ex to my kid - the tragedy is staring him in his face 24/7. If anything, I’ve made excuses for my ex over the years to our son to protect him. I doubt I’m alone. The psycho poster on all these forums who claims it is the responsible parent’s fault when a kid pulls back is delusional. Our kid pulls back from his dad because he feels unsafe, discarded, and isolated from the things he cares about when he's with him.

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

I’m sort of on your side on this. Because when I have tried to get involved it doesn’t seem to help. It’s not my relationship to support or mend. It can be a confusing spot to be in because I do want them to have a relationship.

Yes, this! I honestly do not know what I could do to improve this. Coercing the kid will not actually help! Sure there are a few months until he turns 18, technically, but what then?

When he's 18, the order is over-adults don't have to go to any parent's house.

You can't really do anything else right now. You aren't stopping ex from getting the kid-you're not blocking it. You can't put the 6ft tall nearly adult male in a carseat. All you can do is not block ex from trying to get the kid (but check with your lawyer, I'm not one).

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

I’m sort of on your side on this. Because when I have tried to get involved it doesn’t seem to help. It’s not my relationship to support or mend. It can be a confusing spot to be in because I do want them to have a relationship.

Yes, this! I honestly do not know what I could do to improve this. Coercing the kid will not actually help! Sure there are a few months until he turns 18, technically, but what then?

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

Your attitude comes across loud and clear. You've implanted it in your son's head that his father is a bad parent. You created a psychological loyalty bind in your son which is going to be to HIS detriment.

Prisons are filled with fathers who have not parented well but their SONS still want a relationship with them. Why doesn't yours?

lol are you my paranoid ex? listen dude - barging in and yelling at everyone to “get ready right now, you better get used to it!” is not the way to get older kids to go to your house willingly. get a clue.

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

I’m sort of on your side on this. Because when I have tried to get involved it doesn’t seem to help. It’s not my relationship to support or mend. It can be a confusing spot to be in because I do want them to have a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

+100. My ex seems to have zero understanding that he needs to put in effort to maintain a positive relationship with our kid. Instead he just feels he is entitled to “his” time and gets mad at me and kid when kid drags his feet or expresses that he doesn’t want to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 17. He doesn’t need to go if he doesn’t want to. Forget custody and support and $.

If it’s court ordered he need to go.

It’s not “court ordered” in that way. Nobody is going to come arrest the kid or OP.

I’d probably go over it with my lawyer and give up on getting any additional child support. And I’d document what was happening (child refusing to go).

when dads are selfish pr*cks, kids eventually realize it and try to avoid.

Not your problem. It's between teen and other parent. Really, teen shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to (usually a good reason if kid doesn't want to see parent)

I'm sure you have enough to worry about, don't take this on too.

OP, ignore the weird PP who keeps blaming you. I get what you’re going through. Some parents just aren’t good parents, and kids learn that sad truth for themselves. And as you say, the other parent can’t gaslight the kids into thinking otherwise. That would also teach those kids unhealthy things about how they should let people treat them and what they should just put up with. Support your son emotionally.

Lawyer PP gave you good advice. Document everything in emails or screenshots of texts as you go along. And you’re not in any way responsible for transportation or dragging your son over to his dad’s car or house.

Of course crappy dad isn’t going to help pay for college (and yet his income will be factored into FAFSA).

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Anonymous wrote:I would not be willing to force or punish my kid over refusal to spend time with the other parent. It would damage my relationship with my kid. The other parent is welcome to come over and try to coerce them, or to spend some time trying to repair their relationship with the kid. Or they can pick the kid up from school or some other neutral location so that it isn't my problem.

Often times kids have good reasons for doing this, or the other parent simply does not have realistic parenting expectations. At that age, they don't spend a whole lot of time at home or with their parents, at all period.

Sounds like you are why this child would have these issues with the other parent as you don't want them to have a relationship and the little allowed you want to control. NO, follow the court order.

No, I'm really not. My child has issues with their other parent because of their other parent's behavior and treatment of the child. It's not something I can fix. And since transportation is not specified in our court order, I think I am on solid ground inviting my ex to come and pick up the child from my home or any other location. For example, my ex's custody time begins Fridays at 5 PM. So if the child is at school at that time, my ex can go and pick up the child from school. I won't even be there. If the child refuses to appear, or refuses to get in the car, my ex is welcome to attempt any solution they think might be effective. It's really not my problem. They will have a better relationship when my ex improves his behavior.

Your child needs your support. Your actions are part of why there is a bad relationship.

What kind of "support" would you recommend? Gaslighting them that their father is a good parent? Sorry but it's not true and they both know it. Maybe I should punish them for not wanting to spend time with someone who treats them badly? Or maybe just physically force a 6 foot tall 17 year old boy into his widdle car seat and dwive him over there? Come on. At a certain point it's best to just disengage. And support my child in their grief over having a difficult father.

Now it's clear. You have alienated your son and destroyed his relationship with his father. It will negatively affect him for the rest of his life.

Nope, he can go right over to his dad's house any time he likes. Or his dad can pick him up. Their relationship could be just fine.

Sometimes people just don't parent well. That's life. I'm sad that my son has to deal with it, but I can't fix it for him.

Your attitude comes across loud and clear. You've implanted it in your son's head that his father is a bad parent. You created a psychological loyalty bind in your son which is going to be to HIS detriment.

Prisons are filled with fathers who have not parented well but their SONS still want a relationship with them. Why doesn't yours?

It's really weird that you jumped right to prison... what's going on in your head?

It's amazing that you know whether or not the ex of a stranger on the internet is a bad parent. Are you psychic? Truly an astonishing ability of yours!