Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 17:38     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:Taking care of our 4yo nephew for a week, and whew! I love him to bits but he is also so exhausting. It is constant hands on management. We kind of need him to just go with the flow with our family as we have lots of competing obligations, activities and responsibilities.

But his expectations are the complete opposite. He expects to call ALL the shots and it’s been constant coaching him that he doesn’t get to boss everyone around and tell us how the day is going to go and how he expects us to bend to his every whim.

Also he just starts beating up on our kids who are older than him, and our kids are just too nice to fight back. I nipped that in the bud, but I don’t even know where that is coming from as I know he loves them, follows them around everywhere. But if they are not doing exactly what he wants them to do, that is his strategy.

And it is just constant demands. He wants us to take him to target to go buy him a toy. He wants us to take him to the ice cream shop to buy him an ice cream cone with sprinkles. He wants us to take him to the wood shop to buy wood to build him a tree fort. And he says it like “hey. I need to tell you something. I know exactly what we should do tomorrow. We’ll go out early in the morning and have an amazing adventure at target. And you will buy me this thing I saw at target that mommy won’t even buy for me.” And I’m like, yeah we’re not doing that tomorrow. We already have plans to do x”

Our kids would never have the gumption to even say something like that to their family members, so a part of me is like, why does he constantly think he is running the show here?

Also it’s things like having the last word. I might say, ok I’m going to cook up some “bacon, sausages, eggs, and waffles for breakfast.” And he’ll say, “ok you can cook the sausages and eggs, and make extra for me. Don’t make the waffles and bacon because I don’t want to eat it.” And I’ll say well I’ll make the waffles and bacon for everyone else. And he’ll say “NO! Only the eggs and sausages! I SAID I DONT WANT THE OTHER STUFF!!” And I’ll be like, sorry bud, you don’t get to tell us what we can cook or can’t cook in our house. But it’s stuff like this. It’s exhausting.

Is this an only child thing? Personality trait? Just stubbornness?



Seriously? Are you really this stupid?

No. It's his upbringing. JFC.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 17:36     Subject: Re:Only child trait?
Sounds gifted to me.

Maybe you are not used to parenting a gifted child.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:52     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?


A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.


Two weeks is a crazy amount of time. A week ok, but two weeks is pure selfish.


Is it? My BIL just got diagnosed with cancer and my parents are displaced from a hurricane. Our kid is older but I could TOTALLY see a situation where DH and I both need to be gone for a week or two. With a 4 yo you might not have school as a barrier, but in my case, you might also not want to bring them into either situation. Don't judge until you know all the facts. The OP's family is blessed to have them as a resource.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:51     Subject: Only child trait?
First of all this kid sounds kind of hilarious and awesome. But I get it. If you want help dealing with his behavior, just ask for that. No need to ask if it's an only child thing. That's rude and judgmental and gets you NO closer to fixing the dynamic.

Have you tried asking your kids, maybe your oldest, to explain the way things work to him?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:35     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?


A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.


Two weeks is a crazy amount of time. A week ok, but two weeks is pure selfish.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:34     Subject: Only child trait?
No, its parenting. My only doesn't behave like that but I feel bad for your kids if you just expect them to fit in and go with your flow and no individual attention or needs met. He's 4, in a different home and needs more attention, support and direction.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:26     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:DCUM: don’t take toddlers on international flights but also don’t leave them at home.


Exactly. So don’t plan on international travel until kids are able to handle it. Seems obvious.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 16:19     Subject: Only child trait?
DCUM: don’t take toddlers on international flights but also don’t leave them at home.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 14:00     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?


A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.


That's debatable.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 13:39     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?


A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 12:27     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:Combination of innate personality traits, parenting style, and lack of having to accommodate siblings. It’s everything together!


I think this is it. My oldest (soon to be not an only) is SOOOOOO demanding. We say no plenty. We do not take random trips to Target just because she asks us to buy something. But I do think that being the only child gives kids a level of attention and sense of importance that’s different from kids with siblings. Honestly, this is one of the reasons we decided to have a second. I don’t think it’s natural or healthy for kids to maintain this mentality permanently, and there’s only so much you can do as a parent to combat it.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 11:18     Subject: Re:Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:Personality. I have 3 kids and my youngest is similar. My other 2 are much more laid back. FWIW, my oldest was 4 when #2 came, so basically an only for 4 years and she is not demanding at all. And fwiw, I find your description of this 4-year old child's actions hard to believe. Maybe this kid is brilliant, but none of mine at that age would remember that saw a toy specifically at Target and then mention that they want it and with that level of detail a few days later. And going to the wood shop to buy wood for a tree fort? Does this kid live in Home Depot?


My kids both would do the Target thing, and one would ask for building materials like that at age 4. He has an engineer type personality.

I agree on personality and that it’s everything, OP. Clearly the parents are saying no at Target, and then letting the kid call the shots at breakfast. But even if they weren’t, he probably would still need a longer time than other kids to learn how to stop making demands.

FWIW, my child who was demanding like this does have ADHD and is gifted. We’re still working on this skill (when and how to appropriately request wants) years later, but he is much better than at age 4.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 09:08     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My immediate reaction is this kid is not neurotypical.


Same. And that aunt is super dense to not realize it.


Yep, might be ADHD, high functioning autism, Asperger, etc. But definitely something going on.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 09:07     Subject: Only child trait?
Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2024 09:03     Subject: Only child trait?
Anonymous wrote:My immediate reaction is this kid is not neurotypical.


Same. And that aunt is super dense to not realize it.