Anonymous wrote:Op. Thanks for the advice and kind words everyone.

I was feeling especially down over it this morning. I woke up early to workout, because I haven’t worked out since DD2 was born and early AM is the only time I can. And of course within 5 minutes DD woke up and was crying. The blanket wasn’t right. The pillow wasn’t right. Her stuffie wasn’t right. She wanted daddy. So I didn’t get to work out.

Just feels hopeless and like I’ll never get back to having a balanced life.

OP, I say this with deep empathy and understanding, please start the early intervention process. Look up county resources for your area. Those sorts of sensory issues could be indicative of something going on. None of us should speculate on possible diagnosis because only professionals can properly diagnose but please, for your own mental health as well as your daughter's, start the evaluation process now. It may be that she is indeed just extremely difficult/strong willed but if there is a neurodivergence the strides that can be made at your daughter's age are remarkable.

Anonymous wrote:Where is your husband? Dad needs to lay down the law.

OP. He has a crazy schedule and is either not home in the morning, in the evening, or both.

He also gives in. That’s honestly a big part of the problem. She’s horribly behaved around him because she knows he’ll give in. Even the nanny has noticed DD behaves differently if it’s just me vs if H is home.

I can’t really count on him to hold boundaries. From the beginning I told him we needed to sleep train her and he refused, so now she’ll only sleep if daddy holds her and sits in a specific chair. When she wakes up in her own bed she gets upset. I’ve tried discussing sleep training with him and he won’t.

Be sure to make special time for your 8yo with just one parent and her. Or just her with both parents but no sibling.

I was her and yes, it does stink to miss out on so much because of your sibling. I hated my sibling for most of my life until I went to therapy in my 20s. My mom is one of those "keep things equal" parents so the idea of taking me to do something without my sibling as a kid was a no-go. If I wanted to go to a sleepover, I could only go if my sibling was also invited to one and NO ONE wanted that. If my cousin who was my age invited me to a day of shopping, I could only go if my sibling was also invited, and again, my aunt & uncle hated deal with them, so I didn't get to go.

Op. Thanks for the advice and kind words everyone.

I was feeling especially down over it this morning. I woke up early to workout, because I haven’t worked out since DD2 was born and early AM is the only time I can. And of course within 5 minutes DD woke up and was crying. The blanket wasn’t right. The pillow wasn’t right. Her stuffie wasn’t right. She wanted daddy. So I didn’t get to work out.

Just feels hopeless and like I’ll never get back to having a balanced life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.

I say this gently but if you have kids who will willingly go to their rooms when they misbehave, you don't have OP's kind of kid.

Yes I do. You pick them up and move them.

And they let you, that's the point. Look, I agree we can't let kids do what they want and need to get tough and set boundaries. Just don't assume that that takes the same amount of effort for all kids. Very strong willed kids will not easily stay in their rooms just because you dragged them there or told them or or set the timer. OP needs more strategies.

No, she needs a childproof doorknob. This kid is 2. I agree that they get the point where you can't move them anymore. That's why you take this approach when they are little so they can learn.

NP here and you really don’t know what you’re talking about. Even at two my challenging child could do a h*ll of a lot of damage before we could get them to their room. They would kick and bite and be absolutely willing to throw us both down the stairs if it came to that. I have a scar from being so badly bitten by my child at that age. Once they needed medical treatment and resisted so strongly the doctor literally brought in 4 other people to restrain my child. As a toddler. They now have a diagnosis, of course, but they were also meeting all their milestones and we didn’t have a name for any of it when they were 2.

When your kid resists that strongly it’s absolutely counterproductive to turn things into a physical struggle. We consulted a couple different professionals and ultimately decided that if they were being violent I would take my other child and lock us into another room. This did result in some damage to the house and they hurt themselves once. But when they calmed down they had to help fix whatever broke etc. not saying OP needs to do what we did but I would not start turning this into a physical battle on the advice of someone who doesn’t know my kid at all.

Where is your husband? Dad needs to lay down the law.

My 3 year old DD is home sick and has spent the morning alternately climbing the walls and yelling at me. She is also incredibly smart, verbal, and athletic. Ahead of her peers in all aspects.

At this point I assume an eventual ADHD diagnosis based on DH's family history.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.

I say this gently but if you have kids who will willingly go to their rooms when they misbehave, you don't have OP's kind of kid.

Yes I do. You pick them up and move them.

And they let you, that's the point. Look, I agree we can't let kids do what they want and need to get tough and set boundaries. Just don't assume that that takes the same amount of effort for all kids. Very strong willed kids will not easily stay in their rooms just because you dragged them there or told them or or set the timer. OP needs more strategies.

No, she needs a childproof doorknob. This kid is 2. I agree that they get the point where you can't move them anymore. That's why you take this approach when they are little so they can learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.

I say this gently but if you have kids who will willingly go to their rooms when they misbehave, you don't have OP's kind of kid.

Yes I do. You pick them up and move them.

And they let you, that's the point. Look, I agree we can't let kids do what they want and need to get tough and set boundaries. Just don't assume that that takes the same amount of effort for all kids. Very strong willed kids will not easily stay in their rooms just because you dragged them there or told them or or set the timer. OP needs more strategies.

Oh and if she is not in daycare/preschool, send her at least part time. She might be bored, or at least need a new environment to teach her social expectations. Some kids need that peer environment.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like ASD to me. Have her evaluated. She sounds like she has severe overstimulation and sensory issues.

The front door unlocking and walking out was an early sign of ASD in my good friend’s child. This was very young- maybe 18 months or so? They ended up putting locks on the top of the doors to prevent eloping (until he discovered the stepladder!) while they started early intervention.

Their child is doing great now, and is 2e and in their city’s gifted program and has many similar peers. It’s going to be ok, OP, but you need help and it’s good you are seeing that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.

I say this gently but if you have kids who will willingly go to their rooms when they misbehave, you don't have OP's kind of kid.

Yes I do. You pick them up and move them.

OP, I have a child like yours. And my first was also much easier. It is most likely normal and just a strong willed child. Read up on strong willed children. Read up on setting boundaries with strong willed children. It takes an iron will to parent these kids, and it is exhausting.

Pay attention to what sets off your particular child, and what brings her back. Your parenting strategy will have to be very personalized, and consistent. Determine your absolute boundaries for her, and let go of all the stuff that don't matter because you will need your energy for the things that do. Take turns with spouse. Take breaks. It's ok to lose it every now and then. It will get slightly better as she aged and you can reason with her more.

Do time outs. Or time ins, if outs dont work. Force her to have those alone times to calm down and reset. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.

I say this gently but if you have kids who will willingly go to their rooms when they misbehave, you don't have OP's kind of kid.

As a parent of 2 tough kids, low demand parenting leads to screen addled kids who refuse to do schoolwork. When I toughened up and turned off the WiFi good things happened.

If you scream and cry you go to your room.