He waited until you were halfway around the world, then dropped an email bomb on your head. That's cowardly. Couldn't even break up with you in person like an adult. He's clearly being pushed to dump you, by his family. You don't need a cowardly "man" who does what his parents say. I'm sorry about all this, OP, but also, at least you won't go on investing time and emotions in this relationship. Please say you and he weren't living together--right?

Anonymous wrote:Well two years, age 25, in love, lots of great memories, trips, trials and tribulations. I said I’d convert, went on a long business trip and have some of the craziest emails ever from him.

He says we are great but he can’t date a non Jew. He accuses me of not being supportive enough when he or his family suffer antisemitism. Not sure where that’s coming from, he tells some stories from once in awhile, I listen and agree. He tells me I must have “milked antisemitism from my upbringing but don’t realize it.” He said his father says my last name was nasty to Jews back in Poland.

He’s really going out with a bang and rewriting the narrative.

Is this a defense mechanism to make me give up or dislike him? Before I thought this was going to work out or be some tragic Romeo& Juliet breakup. He’s not an a-hole at all but seems to be trying that angle.

I guess it’s working because now I don’t want to raise children with the same hate and assumptions that he has about others.

Your boyfriend is acting like the worst kind of girlfriend trying to paint himself as a victim. Dump his useless ass. It doesn't get better.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. Yeah I can’t deal with whatever chip is on his shoulder and is applying it to me. Am in Japan right now so email is not suffice.

No trials and tribulations other than finding a job and things like that.

My last name is typical of Catholics from Chicago. So I must be evil!

I already ran his email past my Jewish friends from college and back home. Something is off and his father, playing bad cop, is making him choose between love and his family.

We have a lot of other things in common, just not our secular-like religious practices. No matter how I understand his is more important to him than vice versa.

-OP

The religious differences and the (frankly insane) sudden accusations of antisemitism all aside -- He's a grown man being manipulated by, and trying oh so hard to please, his father. Be GLAD this happened now OP, and end this relationship. Be glad, because you didn't continue, get more serious, possibly get engaged or married, and realize only then, or a few years into marriage, that your husband was a daddy's boy who put his famlly of origin ahead of the famiily you thought you were creating together through marriage. You dodged a bullet here. Even if you see him and he denies he really believes what he wrote, he has shown that he will cave to what his parents want him to say. Terrible prospect for long term relationship and/or marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. Yeah I can’t deal with whatever chip is on his shoulder and is applying it to me. Am in Japan right now so email is not suffice.

No trials and tribulations other than finding a job and things like that.

My last name is typical of Catholics from Chicago. So I must be evil!

I already ran his email past my Jewish friends from college and back home. Something is off and his father, playing bad cop, is making him choose between love and his family.

We have a lot of other things in common, just not our secular-like religious practices. No matter how I understand his is more important to him than vice versa.

-OP

There are plenty of Catholic guys in this country. Start going to mass at different places, seek them out online, maybe see if your mom or aunts know anyone.

It's pretty common for Jewish guys to waste Christian girls' time by dating them for a while and then dumping them because they aren't Jewish. Be wary of that and don't waste too much time with someone who is Jewish (meaning make sure you get engaged within 18 months or move on) or don't date them at all.

Jealous Jewish woman ^^.

No, actually, I am a WASP who has dated WASPS, Catholics, and Jewish guys, and now am married to a guy who is half Catholic and half Jewish.

Anonymous wrote:"Be such a dick that she dumps you, so you can be the injured party and never have to have an adult conversation about wanting to break up" is a pretty classic 25 year old guy move. He's adding an ugly twist with the accusations and his dad's involvement is not a good look, but I would just cut bait and consider yourself lucky he didn't do this after 5 years or 7 years.

This exactly. Plus look at the insane and controlling and manipulative in-laws you’d be stuck with. Imagine how much they would meddle with grandchildren. Your now ex-bf has just shown that he’ll always put his parents and their wishes ahead of his/yours, so be lucky you dodged a bullet.

I’m sorry. But he is doing you a favor, TBH.

I married a guy whose parents strongly do NOT approve of me due to their religion (a very strict/conservative sect of Christianity). DH isn’t even very religious but the constant pressure, drama, and guilt trips from his parents made the early years of our marriage absolute hell. Including the baby years for our kids, which I am frankly still bitter about even years later.

Eventually we moved across the country and went low contact (DH is really the only one who talks to them. They send Christmas gifts for the kids- now teens). And while this is more tolerable for me and for the well-being of our marriage/family- clearly is a sad situation in many ways.

I love my DH but honestly family relations should really not be this difficult. The family drama has been a real strain at times, and we probably would’ve been better off not marrying each other. Now we have kids who don’t know their grandparents, DH struggles with guilt for feeling like a bad son, etc etc.

That has been my experience anyway. I’d say if the parents don’t approve and it is unlikely to change (due to something like religion or ethnicity- something that won’t change) - run, for sure. Many will say “they will come around in time” but that is NOT always true. Unfortunately. BTDT. Plenty of other guys out there!!

He’s horrible. It will only get worse if you stay. Lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting.

He's thinking about cheating on you and wants to rewrite the narrative before it happens. Just cut him loose.

Thank him for taking the time to point out that he doesn't know you at all. Wish him well and be done.

Anonymous wrote:To accuse you of being antisemitic is beyond the pale, and terribly disrespectful. He needs to have the ba**s to tell you he wants to break up and end it civilly. I’m sorry.

This.

Ugh - this really sucks. I'm so sorry. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though. You'll find someone!

"Be such a dick that she dumps you, so you can be the injured party and never have to have an adult conversation about wanting to break up" is a pretty classic 25 year old guy move. He's adding an ugly twist with the accusations and his dad's involvement is not a good look, but I would just cut bait and consider yourself lucky he didn't do this after 5 years or 7 years.

Thank him for sharing and wish him goodbye.

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

He sounds like a bad person. He hates large swaths of people. That’s wrong.

What’s the word for anti-non Semite?

Anyhow, that’s him.