Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

[/b]The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people. [b]

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change mine. I don't care if people use my husbands last name when addressing cards or whatever, I just didn't want to do all the paperwork.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't, but out of laziness, not any belief system. I use it though - everywhere except for work (and anywhere that requires my legal name). I think people should do what they want with their names.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

Lots of reasons.

Because people didn’t realize you didn’t change your name.

They might assume you just use your maiden name professionally.

Because someone else might be handling the invites or place cards and they made an assumption or mistake.

Bottom line: don’t take it personally or get upset.

Even with my hyphenated last name I still sometimes get things addressed to me as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name or the Smith Family. NBD. Who cares?

It did bother me when I received checks from my MIL and SIL made out to me as Mary Smith even though they knew my name was Mary Jones-Smith. I simply told my husband I couldn’t cash or deposit them since they used the wrong name and he handled it. They quickly learned.

They do not know me professionally. I am an Aunt, three of the four aunts in this family did not change their name. It is a known thing. None of the Aunt’s names were correct. They seem to be fine with my name when it was signed on their birthday and Christmas checks every year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

Lots of reasons.

Because people didn’t realize you didn’t change your name.

They might assume you just use your maiden name professionally.

Because someone else might be handling the invites or place cards and they made an assumption or mistake.

Bottom line: don’t take it personally or get upset.

Even with my hyphenated last name I still sometimes get things addressed to me as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name or the Smith Family. NBD. Who cares?

It did bother me when I received checks from my MIL and SIL made out to me as Mary Smith even though they knew my name was Mary Jones-Smith. I simply told my husband I couldn’t cash or deposit them since they used the wrong name and he handled it. They quickly learned.