Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.
Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.
Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf
What's tone deaf is not knowing what might have went on in their home that you have no idea about. My abusive, alcoholic mother let people sexual abuse, I told her of the abuse and she did nothing but blame me. Do I want to help her in her old age? Not really.
MYOB.
Anonymous wrote:I agree. I stayed by my dad’s side the last days of his life, and it was the greatest gift given to me. I wish I had been more helpful while he was alive.
I realized people that age are often stoic. They’re prideful. They don’t want to bother us.
But they’re truly in need. They’re vulnerable, the world is confusing, they’re locked out of so much because they’re not tech savvy. I have so much sympathy for the elderly.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents were neglectful and abusive, which not everyone knows. I complain
How so? Have to admit I see posts on here claiming that a parent was ‘narcissistic’ (buzz word for everyone now) and also ‘neglectful’ but when they describe the parenting it strikes me as fairly typical 70s parenting, eg hands off. One poster said her parents were ‘neglectfully abusive’ because they left her alone after school and during the summer. That was many parents in the 70s where I grew up, but kids loved it. Freedom.
Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.
Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf
Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d spent more time with my parents before they passed. But I have come to realize that not everyone has as strong a sense of family as I do. Its not a surprise that Americans are a more individualistic, and arguably more self centered and narcissistic culture than other cultures.
Many of my friends come from first or second generation immigrant cultures and they tend to be more family centric and religious. Not all, but some.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.
Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf
I'm sorry for your loss.
I know you are grieving.
One day you'll back on your post and cringe a little about how you lashed out in bitterness. It's OK. No one is perfect when in this situation.
I agree with the bolded. OP, we understand that losing your parents, with whom you clearly had a good relationship, means that you never had to endure the absolute hell that is living in the sandwich generation: taking care of young kids while putting out fires at work and helping your elderly parents, who might not be grateful, because they might not understand what modern parenting entails, and what working mothers have to go through.
Generally, when such thoughts occur to you, it's best to not write them out on DCUM. Keep them to yourself.
Are you really that insane and fragile that you can’t handle reading a post on an anon message board that isn’t even directed at you? You need to seek help if that’s the case
Anonymous wrote:My parents were neglectful and abusive, which not everyone knows. I complain
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d spent more time with my parents before they passed. But I have come to realize that not everyone has as strong a sense of family as I do. Its not a surprise that Americans are a more individualistic, and arguably more self centered and narcissistic culture than other cultures.
Many of my friends come from first or second generation immigrant cultures and they tend to be more family centric and religious. Not all, but some.
If these people are taking care of their parents how is that indivdualitic and self centered? You are allowed to complain, just not to op because she has no sympathy.
Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d spent more time with my parents before they passed. But I have come to realize that not everyone has as strong a sense of family as I do. Its not a surprise that Americans are a more individualistic, and arguably more self centered and narcissistic culture than other cultures.
Many of my friends come from first or second generation immigrant cultures and they tend to be more family centric and religious. Not all, but some.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your losses. They don’t make what other people go through less painful or legitimate. It’s not the Olympics of grief. I don’t dispute that people who know you and know this about you might want to vent to someone else than you, but they should be able to vent nonetheless.
Weird that multiple posters use the term ‘Olympics’. But anyway that’s not the issue- they’re not grieving or sad. They’re bothered that they have to be hassled dealing with unseemly and inconvenient elder care issues when they should be relaxing, going on vacations, enjoying themselves, etc. Grief I would appreciate. Selfishness I do not understand. They’re your parents and no, these parents were not abusive.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In the Suffering Olympics, you're never going to win, OP. You're well enough to vent on DCUM, after all.
Helping out your elders, out of a sense of duty, even if they've shown themselves to be neglectful or abusive parents, is very difficult indeed. You never know what relationship eddies and undercurrents other people have to navigate.
Stay in your lane.
Stay in your lane is generally a dumb lazy comment
Anonymous wrote:^ there was an earlier post about only children and it was interesting to read how many people thought that was such a great scenario because the child would end up with more money to inherit. That’s the mindset of many on here, I suppose. A strange way to view family and relationships.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try doing it for 15+ years when there are extreme mental health issues, near constant verbal abuse and occasionally physical abuse. Not everyone spills the darker side of eldercare.
I think most people can appreciate context and understand that obviously no one would not understand someone venting in extreme situations - an abusive parent you are now caring for, as example- but I think it’s obvious to most intelligent people that this post isn’t about those types of situations