Anonymous wrote:You should not be guilting a 14 year old about money.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is iikely still adjusting to the school. Give it time.

Anonymous wrote:Set up an environment to help him keep tabs on assignments. If he’s never used a planner, maybe it’s time for one. Teach him to look at a due date and back up the work into manageable chunks ahead of time. Check the portal together for a while so you can be sure he’s seeing his assigned work. Set aside dedicated work time on weekends that are non-negotiable until he shows he has solid work habits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A very common mistake parents make is to switch to private when there are academic or social concerns, without first having their child evaluated for ADHD, anxiety, autism or any other mental health condition.

And then they realize, when private doesn't work out either, that they should have done their due diligence in that quarter, since paying a one time $5K for a neuropsych then going on meds and receiving accommodations in public, is WAY CHEAPER than paying for years of private school. Which frees up money for college.

Just putting it out there. I have teens in high school and college, including one with a long-standing ADHD diagnosis, and I have seen this play out among my friends and acquaintances many times.

Or, like PP, the issue becomes clear in the new environment. These kids aren't getting into most of the schools around here without having good grades. When your kid has good grades, it is hard to convince anyone they have a problem.

PP you replied to. You are under the common misconception that it takes poor grades in public for adults to realize there is a problem. That is not true. I knew my kid (and some of his friends) had ADHD even when they got good grades. Because guess what? It's not hard to get good grades in elementary and middle school! There is a host of behavioral symptoms and missed opportunities that an observant parent can easily pick up on. Noticing something is wrong only when bad grades start to appear is being extremely non-observant as a parent.

Not every situation is the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A very common mistake parents make is to switch to private when there are academic or social concerns, without first having their child evaluated for ADHD, anxiety, autism or any other mental health condition.

And then they realize, when private doesn't work out either, that they should have done their due diligence in that quarter, since paying a one time $5K for a neuropsych then going on meds and receiving accommodations in public, is WAY CHEAPER than paying for years of private school. Which frees up money for college.

Just putting it out there. I have teens in high school and college, including one with a long-standing ADHD diagnosis, and I have seen this play out among my friends and acquaintances many times.

Or, like PP, the issue becomes clear in the new environment. These kids aren't getting into most of the schools around here without having good grades. When your kid has good grades, it is hard to convince anyone they have a problem.

PP you replied to. You are under the common misconception that it takes poor grades in public for adults to realize there is a problem. That is not true. I knew my kid (and some of his friends) had ADHD even when they got good grades. Because guess what? It's not hard to get good grades in elementary and middle school! There is a host of behavioral symptoms and missed opportunities that an observant parent can easily pick up on. Noticing something is wrong only when bad grades start to appear is being extremely non-observant as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A very common mistake parents make is to switch to private when there are academic or social concerns, without first having their child evaluated for ADHD, anxiety, autism or any other mental health condition.

And then they realize, when private doesn't work out either, that they should have done their due diligence in that quarter, since paying a one time $5K for a neuropsych then going on meds and receiving accommodations in public, is WAY CHEAPER than paying for years of private school. Which frees up money for college.

Just putting it out there. I have teens in high school and college, including one with a long-standing ADHD diagnosis, and I have seen this play out among my friends and acquaintances many times.

Or, like PP, the issue becomes clear in the new environment. These kids aren't getting into most of the schools around here without having good grades. When your kid has good grades, it is hard to convince anyone they have a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was me at this point last year. Came from public, fall sport and the adjustment was a lot. But more than that, my son worked so hard in middle school that my husband and I felt like we would make the financial leap (not at all easy for us either) and let him attend. Not only did he not focus, but he seemed to think "its only freshman year, it will be fine" etc. Lots of times when work and studying piled up and he barely got it done. There was far more work than he had in middle school, but I expected him to be ready for that and to work hard enough for the A's. He ended the year with mostly B+'s. No C's which became the goal in a couple of classes. Not what I was expecting at all.

We considered pulling him too and in frustration freshman year did bring up the financial aspect and the expectations we had, and that he needed to work to meet them if we were going to pay for school. Fundamentally I think this is correct but we did realize that we had to not put that on our son.

This year is off to a significantly different start. He is working much harder and very quickly realized which classes would be his hardest, and talked to the teachers about meeting for extra review time. This took 3/4 of the year last year and was mostly done at my insistence. I do also think boys can take longer to adjust. But I feel you...its a lot. I agree with others that you should hang in there and try and hep him stay above water. If grades get/stay bad enough to really hurt him around mid term take a second look then since you could probably pivot to public if you truly needed to salvage the year.

I have no doubt that the kid's grades would be better in his local public and that ultimately is the point. Why pay tens of thousands of dollars every year for them to handicap their college admission prospects?

I don't quite understand the reticence in bringing up the financial aspect. If the parents are having to cut back to pay for private school, it's only fair that they expect the kid to put in the effort.

Anonymous wrote:
A very common mistake parents make is to switch to private when there are academic or social concerns, without first having their child evaluated for ADHD, anxiety, autism or any other mental health condition.

And then they realize, when private doesn't work out either, that they should have done their due diligence in that quarter, since paying a one time $5K for a neuropsych then going on meds and receiving accommodations in public, is WAY CHEAPER than paying for years of private school. Which frees up money for college.

Just putting it out there. I have teens in high school and college, including one with a long-standing ADHD diagnosis, and I have seen this play out among my friends and acquaintances many times.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was me at this point last year. Came from public, fall sport and the adjustment was a lot. But more than that, my son worked so hard in middle school that my husband and I felt like we would make the financial leap (not at all easy for us either) and let him attend. Not only did he not focus, but he seemed to think "its only freshman year, it will be fine" etc. Lots of times when work and studying piled up and he barely got it done. There was far more work than he had in middle school, but I expected him to be ready for that and to work hard enough for the A's. He ended the year with mostly B+'s. No C's which became the goal in a couple of classes. Not what I was expecting at all.

We considered pulling him too and in frustration freshman year did bring up the financial aspect and the expectations we had, and that he needed to work to meet them if we were going to pay for school. Fundamentally I think this is correct but we did realize that we had to not put that on our son.

This year is off to a significantly different start. He is working much harder and very quickly realized which classes would be his hardest, and talked to the teachers about meeting for extra review time. This took 3/4 of the year last year and was mostly done at my insistence. I do also think boys can take longer to adjust. But I feel you...its a lot. I agree with others that you should hang in there and try and hep him stay above water. If grades get/stay bad enough to really hurt him around mid term take a second look then since you could probably pivot to public if you truly needed to salvage the year.