Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it I’m guessing your DD doesn’t get a lot of playing time or else you’d probably feel different about being a contributing part of the team. Dinners before games are a longstanding tradition in many (not all) Varsity sports. Sharing a meal together promotes team building, unity, and family, but you are more than welcome to tell the Coaches and Team Parents that you cannot/will not pay and prefer to pack your DD a lunch/dinner/snacks for game days. That said, I’m pretty sure the other parents who have paid will have no problem sharing with your daughter too— it’s what teammates do.

It seems like you are pretty passionate about this, so maybe you should ask to be a third team parent so you can help organize healthy meals and coordinate all the voting you suggested. With all of your energy, I hope you have also signed up to volunteer in other capacities like concessions, banquet planning and fundraisers. FWIW, many coaches personally ask parents who have shown a concerted interest in their child’s sport and team to serve as team parents. You are lucky that you have two parents who care about your daughter’s team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond back and cc all. Ask those questions and see what the response is.

Dd would *kill* me.

Lol

So you are being held hostage by the people who volunteer to manage your child’s team AND by your teenaged DD? Do you see a pattern?

I was thinking the same.

OP, that poster gave you a good suggestion. You can ask about it or you can just do it. Or you can opt out.

This is a YOU problem, not a team problem.

+1 The kids need to eat before the game. Some parents stepped up and volunteered and came up with a system to make sure that happened.

OP, if you don't like that system, feel free to volunteer and organize a different one. Or opt your child out and make sure you pack a full dinner so that your child isn't mooching off the kids whose parents opted in.

OP Is the worst kind of parent to have on a team or activity. Tons of opinions about how the parents who volunteered should have done things but no willingness to actually be part of the solution

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty high maintenance. This is not uncommon dinner fare for teen athletes and many teams do this. I think 3:30 is a little early for dinner but it really depends on what time practice is and what time the games are. DS's varsity team eats closer to 4-5 for away games and 5-6 for home games.

Some teams organize a rotation where volunteer parents pay for one meal but that can be a lot, like $500, split by 2-3 parents so I think this way is more fair. I'm sure parents can opt out if they have financial needs. I'm guessing boosters is subsidizing your child's meals in addition to the parent. contribution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond back and cc all. Ask those questions and see what the response is.

Dd would *kill* me.

Lol

So you are being held hostage by the people who volunteer to manage your child’s team AND by your teenaged DD? Do you see a pattern?

I was thinking the same.

OP, that poster gave you a good suggestion. You can ask about it or you can just do it. Or you can opt out.

This is a YOU problem, not a team problem.

+1 The kids need to eat before the game. Some parents stepped up and volunteered and came up with a system to make sure that happened.

OP, if you don't like that system, feel free to volunteer and organize a different one. Or opt your child out and make sure you pack a full dinner so that your child isn't mooching off the kids whose parents opted in.

OP Is the worst kind of parent to have on a team or activity. Tons of opinions about how the parents who volunteered should have done things but no willingness to actually be part of the solution

Opting out would be a fine suggestion if there were an opt out. My dd actually told me not to pay and that she wanted to take a dinner from home. And then the coach laid it on hard at practice that it was important to participate, and later made a followup to parents saying the same thing. No one has called it optional. (Of course, legally, that is surely the case, but that's not the intent of the coach or the parents and not indicated as an option in any way.)

I don't disagree that kids should fortify themselves before a game. But having a non optional system designed by one or two people and assuming everyone wants to go along with their restaurant take-out meal is very presumptious. (One restaurant mentioned is chick-fila, which my kid won't eat for political reasons, and I assume has little in the way of vegetarian food so I'm guessing that would mean just eating something like fries if she were willing).

I don't disagree that parent volunteers have a tough task. I don't know where these parents were appointed-- there's never been a team meeting where volunteers were requested. I generally show only appreciation for people who step up. But it's not right to create a no-opt-out system that suits their own preferences for meat-based, fat/preservative-rich, expensive (compared to taking something from home) meals at a particular time, and then *require* everyone else to donate to support their vision.

This would be perfectly fine if a) an opt out were explicitly offered (with a statement that kid should bring a substitute meal to eat with the team), and b) the coach didn't also imply that it was required. (I don't have a particular trust issue with sending a zelle to the team parent, but yes--that's also what is happening here).

I'd even be fine if there were some sort of brief, online vote about what the team expenses should be for the season (should we buy matching t-shirts? should we have restaurant-meals before every game?) with a statement that everyone would be expected to go along if there were at least, say, 66% of people in favor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond back and cc all. Ask those questions and see what the response is.

Dd would *kill* me.

Lol

So you are being held hostage by the people who volunteer to manage your child’s team AND by your teenaged DD? Do you see a pattern?

I was thinking the same.

OP, that poster gave you a good suggestion. You can ask about it or you can just do it. Or you can opt out.

This is a YOU problem, not a team problem.

+1 The kids need to eat before the game. Some parents stepped up and volunteered and came up with a system to make sure that happened.

OP, if you don't like that system, feel free to volunteer and organize a different one. Or opt your child out and make sure you pack a full dinner so that your child isn't mooching off the kids whose parents opted in.

OP Is the worst kind of parent to have on a team or activity. Tons of opinions about how the parents who volunteered should have done things but no willingness to actually be part of the solution

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond back and cc all. Ask those questions and see what the response is.

Dd would *kill* me.

Lol

So you are being held hostage by the people who volunteer to manage your child’s team AND by your teenaged DD? Do you see a pattern?

I was thinking the same.

OP, that poster gave you a good suggestion. You can ask about it or you can just do it. Or you can opt out.

This is a YOU problem, not a team problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Respond back and cc all. Ask those questions and see what the response is.

Dd would *kill* me.

Lol

So you are being held hostage by the people who volunteer to manage your child’s team AND by your teenaged DD? Do you see a pattern?

Anonymous wrote:This is football, I'm guessing?

Our school did this for years and it was a lovely part of the team culture. Part of what made it lovely was that we had wonderful team parents who took care to make their communications thoughtful and inclusive, urging those who could to contribute more and donate enough to cover a teammate's costs, and reassuring others that everyone was invited to the meals regardless of their ability to pay. It worked because football rosters are so big, and there were enough parents who were able and inclined to be generous that everyone was covered. And the team parents made sure to be discrete about who was paying what.

On the other hand, i encountered something similar when my daughter was on cheer -- and it was a small team where lots of "extras" were expected. At that time I was simply unable to pay the additional fees, and was frustrated that, as with OP's letter, either my daughter or I were expected to contact the coach and tell her that we couldn't afford to contribute. It was humiliating, and needlessly so.* And yeah it absolutely sucked for my daughter to skip the team meal because we couldn't pay for chipotle just then. She used to go and pretend she wasn't hungry.

** She did talk to the coach and say we couldn't afford the fees, and the coach was apparently very chill about it -- which my daughter took to mean that it was fine that she skipped the pre-game meals, not that her meals might be covered. Which... again, was humiliating and totally sucked for her.

It's really vital that team parents don't presume that everyone can afford even "reasonable" costs. (If you don't have the money, it really doesn't matter how "reasonable" it is. When you have zero in the bank, $100 is just as impossible as $10,000!) This is one of the reasons teams fundraise.

And yeah if you're broke you pack a lunch -- if you're lucky -- while others eat whatever they eat. We always managed groceries, but food insecurity is a thing?

Y'all know this, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue OP. Just don’t participate.

Just make sure that your child isn’t there mooching nuggets…

You can have parents order a meal per game and tell them this is the options and costs. To demand a fixed amount going to another parents bank account is not ok.

This isn't a travel or any kind of private team. It's a school team. It would be fine if there is an opt-in system (if you want your kid to participate, here are the dues). It would be fine if it were a coordinated order where people choose what they want, pay for it, and a parent picks it up and delivers it to school. Frankly, this sounds easier and better. Surely most kids would put pressure on parents to participate, but that's a whole different thing. But any kind of mandatory fee (the email clearly indicates it is not voluntary and the coach is cited as part of it) should not be part of an MCPS team.

Its not ok for a parent to collect money into their personal account and not have accountability.

It can't be run through a school account. Ask the school's financial secretary. They are overworked as it is.

If you are worried about accountability, pack food for your child's dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue OP. Just don’t participate.

Just make sure that your child isn’t there mooching nuggets…

You can have parents order a meal per game and tell them this is the options and costs. To demand a fixed amount going to another parents bank account is not ok.

This isn't a travel or any kind of private team. It's a school team. It would be fine if there is an opt-in system (if you want your kid to participate, here are the dues). It would be fine if it were a coordinated order where people choose what they want, pay for it, and a parent picks it up and delivers it to school. Frankly, this sounds easier and better. Surely most kids would put pressure on parents to participate, but that's a whole different thing. But any kind of mandatory fee (the email clearly indicates it is not voluntary and the coach is cited as part of it) should not be part of an MCPS team.

Its not ok for a parent to collect money into their personal account and not have accountability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue OP. Just don’t participate.

Just make sure that your child isn’t there mooching nuggets…

You can have parents order a meal per game and tell them this is the options and costs. To demand a fixed amount going to another parents bank account is not ok.

This isn't a travel or any kind of private team. It's a school team. It would be fine if there is an opt-in system (if you want your kid to participate, here are the dues). It would be fine if it were a coordinated order where people choose what they want, pay for it, and a parent picks it up and delivers it to school. Frankly, this sounds easier and better. Surely most kids would put pressure on parents to participate, but that's a whole different thing. But any kind of mandatory fee (the email clearly indicates it is not voluntary and the coach is cited as part of it) should not be part of an MCPS team.

Its not ok for a parent to collect money into their personal account and not have accountability.