Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think third parties should be executors unless there is only one sole beneficiary or unless the executor is honest to a fault. Families get destroyed over this type of thing and there are so many unethical people out there.

No. We are custodians and executors for friends & family and now that the kids are out of college, we're begging people to change their wills and make their kids executors. It is just way too much work for a third party if you aren't a beneficiary. You could hire it out but the fees are prohibitively expensive and the whole process would probably take even longer.

I think you can decline the appointment to be the executor which I think would be perfectly fine now that the kids are adults and you told them you don't want the job so they had the chance to replace you.

Anonymous wrote:I think third parties should be executors unless there is only one sole beneficiary or unless the executor is honest to a fault. Families get destroyed over this type of thing and there are so many unethical people out there.

No. We are custodians and executors for friends & family and now that the kids are out of college, we're begging people to change their wills and make their kids executors. It is just way too much work for a third party if you aren't a beneficiary. You could hire it out but the fees are prohibitively expensive and the whole process would probably take even longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

I didn’t say it was exceptionally hard. But unless the deceased is extremely well organized, it’s a matter of figuring out what you are dealing with.

It’s unreasonable for op to be looking for a reporting out or a payment with 4 months of the death.

Is it though? Run a credit report and you will find the bulk the debts and the balance that needs to be paid. Harder things like have the taxes been paid in the past N years is harder, but still something you can estimate.

DW's mother passed. We had a pretty good idea of what what the result was going to be in a month. She was a hoarder, but will still managed to piece together a decent estimate of the way things stood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, executor is my sister.

You’re going to sic a lawyer on your sister? YATA.

Don't do this. My sister did this to me. She spent a lot of money on her attorney and I spent the estate's money on an attorney and accountant in response. Wasted money as I had every intention of doing the right thing. She complicated every action. I never thought she would do this and it was an awful experience. I would give it 6-9 months before getting a lawyer.

How is it a waste of the estate’s money for the attorney and the accountant to answer questions from a beneficiary? Isn’t providing answers to questions about the estate and its finances a part of their respective jobs?

I mean, you did already have an attorney and an accountant for the estate before your sister got a lawyer, right? You weren’t trying to DIY the executor duties and getting advice from Facebook, were you?

I think third parties should be executors unless there is only one sole beneficiary or unless the executor is honest to a fault. Families get destroyed over this type of thing and there are so many unethical people out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Six months to a year is normal. 3 months is insanely fast and not realistic.

I was the executor, and managed to do the distribution in 5 months. I worked like a maniac to get the money to my brother, who harassed me multiple times a week. ugh.

Right, and no one should have to go through what you did.

I doubt there is anything to be secretive about yet. I would be very much surprised if such a spreadsheet exists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

That’s the important question. When an executor is not open and transparent with beneficiaries, they can’t help but wonder why the executor is being secretive.

My sibling is playing games. They wonder why I will not speak to them. I even did parts of it and set up a spreadsheet and they kept doing things like spending behind my back.

OP, you could set up a consultation with a probate lawyer, explain the facts of what is going on and get their take on the situation. The lawyer could give you some advice on how to deal with the executor now and what your expectations should be going forward.

I was in a situation like this and met with a probate lawyer several times during the process. She gave me some good ideas on how best to approach the executor and how to remind the executor of her legal duties to the estate. Just knowing what the rules are in the district where probate is taking place can be helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Six months to a year is normal. 3 months is insanely fast and not realistic.

I was the executor, and managed to do the distribution in 5 months. I worked like a maniac to get the money to my brother, who harassed me multiple times a week. ugh.

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh, I wonder why you weren’t named as the executor?

I don’t know the OP’s situation, but I’m familiar with situations where the executor manipulated the parent to be named sole executor. There’s a case in my extended family where the two siblings had been listed as co executors for more than twenty years when, as the parent’s health went downhill, one sibling took the parent to a lawyer’s office to write a new will and got herself listed as sole executor.

If an executor is secretive and avoiding sharing info with the other beneficiary, I would wonder how they managed to get themselves named as the only executor. Especially if she is writing checks to herself from the estate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

That’s the important question. When an executor is not open and transparent with beneficiaries, they can’t help but wonder why the executor is being secretive.

My sibling is playing games. They wonder why I will not speak to them. I even did parts of it and set up a spreadsheet and they kept doing things like spending behind my back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

I didn’t say it was exceptionally hard. But unless the deceased is extremely well organized, it’s a matter of figuring out what you are dealing with.

It’s unreasonable for op to be looking for a reporting out or a payment with 4 months of the death.

Nothing should be paid out for 6 months until all bills come in and paid, however, you can easily do a spreadsheet for transparency so there is no hard feelings or theft. Why the secrets. You can do it.

Oh gosh, I wonder why you weren’t named as the executor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

That’s the important question. When an executor is not open and transparent with beneficiaries, they can’t help but wonder why the executor is being secretive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He died in early May 2024. I’ve been asking for information since June.

Give them a break!!! They are probably still dealing with paying bills and closing accounts!!

Having been an executor of an estate with real Estate, investments and cash I told all beneficiaries- don’t ask me anything for 6 months, I will try to get info asap, but I’m not committing to anything before 6 months. I needed all bills to roll in, figure out what I was dealing with and start to net stuff out.

Op - you try stepping into someone else’s financial life. It’s not that easy.

Its not that hard. I've done it. You do need to wait 6 months but you do a group spreadsheet with all the financials - money available, debt, projected debt/payments. Why the secrecy?

I didn’t say it was exceptionally hard. But unless the deceased is extremely well organized, it’s a matter of figuring out what you are dealing with.

It’s unreasonable for op to be looking for a reporting out or a payment with 4 months of the death.

OP you are ridiculous and your impatience will cost you money. First of all - have you put money ahead of memorializing your father? That’s sad. But you are underestimating the complexities. Two homes to empty and sell is not simple. Gathering all the information on what your father actually had takes some research - a year plus is more than normal for most ‘usual’ resolutions. IF you hire a lawyer your sister as executor will have to have the estate attorney review and respond (costing the estate.) You will also lose money as you pay for this consultation.

Your sister may be fleecing the estate but yes - she can pay herself for her time (as mentioned above usually a bad idea as one of the beneficiaries) but what she shouldn’t do is decide to settle a debt (what she says your father owed her) unless it was codified or mentioned in the will. How many beneficiaries? Just you and your sibling? Remember to always think whatever issue you are trying to resolve is X divided by how many are named and see what value each outrage really means. Sounds like at minimum your first inheritance is estrangement from your sister.