Anonymous wrote:Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

Just chiming in to say this phrasing bugs me, too, and I can't explain why. I realize it's kind of petty. I saw that in the chat group for our grade at the beginning of the school year. "WE have Mrs. Larla!" Uh, no, YOU don't.

I don’t say this. I have heard parents say we though. More like I may ask what they are doing and my friend may say, “we have a basketball tournament” or “we have a dance competition “. I’m not sure how different that is then I have to take Johnny to a basketball tournament.

Or worse “we won” the 3rd grade soccer game. I also Hate “we’re pregnant”.

If your kid can handle it, but you handle it for them anyway (especially if they didn't ask or asked you not to) more than occasionally.

If your kid can probably handle it, but you don't let them even try first before you handle it, unless the likely consequences would be life altering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A helicopter parent is anyone who is more involved than I am, and an absent/checked out parent is anyone less involved than I am. Hope that helps!

This about sums it up

+2.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aim for tj and/or Ivy League when kids are not capable and don’t want to. Signup kids for sports or/and play music instruments etc for the purpose of college application only and won’t let kids “waste time” nor spend money on activities kids interested in if those show no “value” on HS resume.

Isn’t that a tiger parent?

It's both, this would have been my answer too

Intervening inappropriately is the key here.

I will admit, it's hard to be engaged and aware and not do this. I WANT to helicopter but I 90% of the time stick it out and feel uncomfortable...because I know my kid needs to feel uncomfortable to be able to soothe and rescue themself.

For high schoolers -

You kid gets a borderline (lower) grade and there's an arguement to be made? Helicopter parent will write the teacher immediately. Regular involved parent will say "hope you learned a lesson" or give advice when asked but not intervene directly.

Your kid needs to apply for an internship, get a rec letter, or reach out to a professional for an interview? Helicopter parent will set it up. Regular parent will make a suggestion if asked and proofread email outreach if requested.

Your kid has a regular social issue with a friend (not extreme, not bullying). Heliocpter parent will shower with gifts and "advice" and maybe talk to other parents without asking the kid. Regular parent will listen and look the other way a few times when kid has mood or something because they know they're going through it.

It's 40 degrees and raining and your kid has soccer practice? Helicopter parent will write the coach to question this, maybe in the team chat. Regular parent will just make a call and send the kid dressed appropriately (because they should know how to do this already) or let them stay back.

Anonymous wrote:Why do Americans think so differently about parenting than other places?

In my country, of course we involve ourselves in our children’s lives; that’s a parents job. Just letting a child makes choices for himself leads to childish outcomes, which are not optimal.

This is why we are the ones to select the activities, the school, and eventually their partner in the marriage. This is a system which has Ben proven to work because it is an ancient system.

Why can’t Americans see this?

Troll. Even the most traditional south asian families I know are not choosing their child's partner. They might support their child in finding someone, but they're not saying "you must marry this person no other choices"