Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

You don't understand, the step kids are part of the family unit, they just leave their family half the time.

They have two families. They are not leaving their family half the time. They are splitting time between both their parents.

Indeed, and splitting time sucks. It sucks even more when you have to watch another kid grow up in an intact family, and have even less time with your parent as a result.

Kids don’t actually think that way. That’s an adult take on it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

You don't understand, the step kids are part of the family unit, they just leave their family half the time.

They have two families. They are not leaving their family half the time. They are splitting time between both their parents.

Indeed, and splitting time sucks. It sucks even more when you have to watch another kid grow up in an intact family, and have even less time with your parent as a result.

Kids don’t actually think that way. That’s an adult take on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

You don't understand, the step kids are part of the family unit, they just leave their family half the time.

They have two families. They are not leaving their family half the time. They are splitting time between both their parents.

Indeed, and splitting time sucks. It sucks even more when you have to watch another kid grow up in an intact family, and have even less time with your parent as a result.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

You don't understand, the step kids are part of the family unit, they just leave their family half the time.

They have two families. They are not leaving their family half the time. They are splitting time between both their parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

One thing to consider is your new DH's relationship with your existing kid(s). Can he take them to soccer practice when you're home with your new baby? My friend who did this successfully relied a lot on her DH to help her older kid, as he was better with a kid than a baby. This meant he drove the older kid around a lot for sports practices and competitions. The older kid was annoyed that it was his stepdad and not his mom doing it, but that annoyance was deeper as his own dad was a bit of a trainwreck, and he had to deal with some big feelings.

Dad and mom can be driving. These kids have two parents. Stepdad deserves his own kid too. You expecting him to play dad to other kids and not have his own is selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

You don't understand, the step kids are part of the family unit, they just leave their family half the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

One thing to consider is your new DH's relationship with your existing kid(s). Can he take them to soccer practice when you're home with your new baby? My friend who did this successfully relied a lot on her DH to help her older kid, as he was better with a kid than a baby. This meant he drove the older kid around a lot for sports practices and competitions. The older kid was annoyed that it was his stepdad and not his mom doing it, but that annoyance was deeper as his own dad was a bit of a trainwreck, and he had to deal with some big feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have kids with XH. New DH has no kids. Discussing the possibility of a kid together… I’m over 40. I conceived my other kids 9+ years ago first try each time, carried full term, no miscarriages. What are the odds I am still fertile? Anyone else have a second round child?

I had a baby with my second husband. One from first marriage. What you are describing is a hard idea for a lot of reasons. If your youngest kid is 9, that kid will be entering teen years when you have a new baby. In my experience, tween years are when you want to be the most present for your kids as they are dealing with a lot of development at that time. Having a new baby or being pregnant or otherwise focused on "the second round" as you call it would make it really hard for you to be the best parent you can be to the kids you already have. You are also old enough that pregnancy itself is going to be physically difficult in ways that your decade-ago pregnancies were not. My second baby was born when I was 35, at which point my older child was turning 8. Being pregnant at 35 was physically harder than the easy pregnancy I had 28.

Honestly, that you are calling it a "second round" is a red flag. Quit playing fantasy house with your new husband and parent the children you already have.

How is this different than any other family with three ot more kids?

Because full siblings are not half-siblings and two parents are not divorced parents with another stepparent thrown in the mix. Because the house is the house, there’s no custody schedule, there’s no split holidays, there’s no split family, there is just one family. What about that aren’t you getting?

Again, how are those issues? If you don’t like it don’t divorce.

NP. The kids don't have a choice. I think it's hard on the kids who have to go back and forth between parents while the new family's kid gets to have a "whole unit" family.

You sound defensive.

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the naysayers and do it if you and your husband are both in agreement!! Your husband may eventually regret not having his own bio child, especially as his step-teens grow, move on and start ignoring both parents (as most do).

I've had several friends (male and female) in similar situations... new baby/babies in most case brought the whole family closer together with older kids (including teens) suddenly more interested in joining family activities and vacations! Their successes are based on honest family discussions, decision-making, and giving the older kids their own time and attention.

If you have concerns as an older mom, visit the Infertility Forum to allay your concerns and get lots of helpful advice (but beware the naysayers and old mom haters also lurk on that forum).

FYI, I because a first time mom in my 40s and had no pregnancy health issues, in fact I felt emotionally happy-giddy every single day, minimal morning sickness, normal or low BP, average weight gain (and quick weight loss) and uneventful delivery of a healthy baby!

I say go for it!