Mine got sick of being asked so he told everyone he would attending the college of life on a full scholarship. Lol.

Anonymous wrote:We met a fake “relaxed” yoga mom who was quizzing one of my kids about college. It was awful. My kid was struggling with a new triple diagnosis of anxiety, depression, and ADHD and we were at a party to have fun—not add more stress to her life.

The stranger glommed onto my kid to quiz her about colleges and ask if she was applying to Ivies. Geez. Saw the same stranger elsewhere ignoring her kid while telling the kid she was watching his gymnastics trick.

We went to another party and people were still talking too much about college but they were saying kid’s choice was hard to get into and it was a good school so that was more uplifting.

But still. People need to calm down.

Next time you see a kid, don’t tell them they are tall and don’t ask them about college! Ask what they are interested and let them lead the convo.

This is just bad advice. To be sure, nobody should ever be prying too deeply on ANY topic. But it is completely normal to ask about things you know are going on in somebody's life: "Are you excited for senior year?" "What are you thinking about for college/after graduation?" "

I think my child would be much more anxious/confused by an adult saying "What are you interested in?" than any of the above questions.

Based on what you wrote in your post.....this is entirely a your problem.

You didn't indicate that anyone was expressing any judgement about the schools your child is considering. They are simply asking a very normal question.

Answer them or don't, but you assuming that the people in your life are judging you or your daughter is a very problematic mindset.

“The college process is insane. I think I’ll enjoy life more if I run off and join the circus”
It’s none of their business. They don’t get to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to X university and really looking forward to it!

Or at this point in the cycle:
“I’m not sure yet where I’m going to go, but I’m sure I’ll find a place that is a great fit”

This. I really think you need to work on your attitude so it doesn’t bother your kid. People are just being nice and making conversation — you don’t need a “come back” line. You’re making this a thing when it doesn’t need to be.

Yah. I don’t get this either. Most kids do not go to a top University. Not every kid goes to college. She should be excited to go to College! My kid isn’t a stellar student - if he gets into any college I will be thrilled! Mostly likely he will go to technical school and I will be thrilled her has a plan.

You need to be positive - whatever she does will be a great opportunity.

I had family members offer me free housing when they knew I was going to a school closer to them and not my moms house.

We met a fake “relaxed” yoga mom who was quizzing one of my kids about college. It was awful. My kid was struggling with a new triple diagnosis of anxiety, depression, and ADHD and we were at a party to have fun—not add more stress to her life.

The stranger glommed onto my kid to quiz her about colleges and ask if she was applying to Ivies. Geez. Saw the same stranger elsewhere ignoring her kid while telling the kid she was watching his gymnastics trick.

We went to another party and people were still talking too much about college but they were saying kid’s choice was hard to get into and it was a good school so that was more uplifting.

But still. People need to calm down.

Next time you see a kid, don’t tell them they are tall and don’t ask them about college! Ask what they are interested and let them lead the convo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buried in this post is the probably incorrect assumption that everyone asking expects the answer to be a top school AND that they will react negatively and embarrass your child for an honest answer. I cannot imagine a single person in my family acting that way.

If that IS your family, then I'm with your kid. No need to hang out with people who don't actually love you.

This!

100%

Shouldn’t have bragged so much or tell your uneducated family to drop it. Ignore them. They don’t know what they are talking about. But maybe you set her up, who knows.

Anonymous wrote:DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?

Most people aren't obsessive about "top" schools like the DCUM crowd. The people who genuinely ask will say "great!" to pretty much any college mentioned since it signifies a progression to a new phase.

Parent of a high stats kid. We told no one where child was applying. Even with family just said we were looking at various geographic areas and fits and would also consider schools with merit. Family is way more pushy than friends. School picked made sense but was not an Ivy and we didn’t care. The trick is to be so happy with the college that you just do not care what anyone thinks. FYI we know several high stats kids who went to big ACC/SEC schools that tech were not hard to get into on paper but gave great merit that will help for medical school savings. I am watching a lot of football this weekend and imagine those kids are having so much fun. Just have your child find a school that they will flourish and it will be fine!!

I’m thinking of doing a gap year and traveling in Europe

Anonymous wrote:People can be so nosy. They can also be well-meaning. And clueless.
Just get your statement ready “oh man this is a long process! We will see!”

It’s not nosy to talk about what your niece or cousin is doing after high school, that’s just odd to think that way. And it’s not a time to brag either. Just talk about where she’s going and what her plans are. Family members who know her aren’t expecting to hear her say she’s heading to MIT anyway. I’m sure they’ll be happy for her.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you’ve been unnecessarily hyping your student’s success, most family members have a sense of your kid’s achievement.

For example, if in eleventh grade, Grandma asked about high school and your kid detailed their 7APs, hard work, and great grades, there might be some thought that your kid is smart and shooting for a better college outcome. However, if your kid responds that school is boring but that shop class is pretty cool, Grandma knows that trade school, community college, or a low-level public is more likely. I just don’t understand how Grandma would suddenly be shocked that your daughter isn’t going to Yale, unless you’ve been promoting that idea.

You're completely wrong.

These days 7 APs and a 4.4 wGPA gets you into the state flagship. I know kids in my son's year ('23) who got rejected from UMD with 4.2 weighted GPAs and several AP courses. My son got into the Honors program at UMD because he had a dozen APs, mostly scored 5s, and had a 4.7 weighted GPA, with a 35/36 ACT score. No scholarship or award, like the Bannekey-Key (which is a full or half-ride for the most stellar students). He didn't even apply to Ivies, he knew his extra-curriculars were sub-par.

MOST people (childless people, older people and parents of young children) aren't aware that college admissions have gotten incredibly more competitive, and you cannot assume their expectations are in line with reality.

So yes, if OP's going to be around relatives or acquaintances who can't keep their opinions to themselves... she and her daughter need phrases. The best one is: "I am looking for a best fit college. We visited several and I'm making a list of my favorites. We'll see what happens." BEST FIT is the key. And it's not a lie. That is ultimately the goal!

Anonymous wrote:Buried in this post is the probably incorrect assumption that everyone asking expects the answer to be a top school AND that they will react negatively and embarrass your child for an honest answer. I cannot imagine a single person in my family acting that way.

If that IS your family, then I'm with your kid. No need to hang out with people who don't actually love you.

This!