Anonymous wrote:Many people "die alone" because they manage to die when loved ones have stepped out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a CNA part time during college, I knew residents in their late 90s and over 100 who simply no longer had family left, and their friends were long gone. Also, when people in LTC are on Medicaid (common for those who outlive their assets) and are hospitalized, their bed stays available for a short period of time, after that you go where a bed can be found, which outside of metro areas can be a long distance from where you had been living.

This is a problem which isn’t talked about enough. People live into their 90s and their caregivers are so tired that sometimes they go first. And even if they don’t, there’s not much left after caregiving is finally over.
My parent plans to live for 20 more years. I can’t say anything, I am a polite person, but I hate the idea of still having to take care of them when I am 60+!

We see this in our family, people dealing with their own health crises and of their parents and in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a CNA part time during college, I knew residents in their late 90s and over 100 who simply no longer had family left, and their friends were long gone. Also, when people in LTC are on Medicaid (common for those who outlive their assets) and are hospitalized, their bed stays available for a short period of time, after that you go where a bed can be found, which outside of metro areas can be a long distance from where you had been living.

This is a problem which isn’t talked about enough. People live into their 90s and their caregivers are so tired that sometimes they go first. And even if they don’t, there’s not much left after caregiving is finally over.
My parent plans to live for 20 more years. I can’t say anything, I am a polite person, but I hate the idea of still having to take care of them when I am 60+!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a CNA part time during college, I knew residents in their late 90s and over 100 who simply no longer had family left, and their friends were long gone. Also, when people in LTC are on Medicaid (common for those who outlive their assets) and are hospitalized, their bed stays available for a short period of time, after that you go where a bed can be found, which outside of metro areas can be a long distance from where you had been living.

This is a problem which isn’t talked about enough. People live into their 90s and their caregivers are so tired that sometimes they go first. And even if they don’t, there’s not much left after caregiving is finally over.
My parent plans to live for 20 more years. I can’t say anything, I am a polite person, but I hate the idea of still having to take care of them when I am 60+!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a CNA part time during college, I knew residents in their late 90s and over 100 who simply no longer had family left, and their friends were long gone. Also, when people in LTC are on Medicaid (common for those who outlive their assets) and are hospitalized, their bed stays available for a short period of time, after that you go where a bed can be found, which outside of metro areas can be a long distance from where you had been living.

This is a problem which isn’t talked about enough. People live into their 90s and their caregivers are so tired that sometimes they go first. And even if they don’t, there’s not much left after caregiving is finally over.
My parent plans to live for 20 more years. I can’t say anything, I am a polite person, but I hate the idea of still having to take care of them when I am 60+!

Anonymous wrote:This is such an educational thread. When I think of my parents' passing (both are 80), I always envision being with them, holding their hand. Now I am thinking of it differently.

Along the same vein, my beloved dog died while I was on vacation. I felt terrible about it because I wanted to be holding him as he passed. A wise friend told me that he wasn't missing me in that moment - that he was too busy dying to be aware of me being there or not.

I guess there is very little of this that is within our control.

Anonymous wrote:As a CNA part time during college, I knew residents in their late 90s and over 100 who simply no longer had family left, and their friends were long gone. Also, when people in LTC are on Medicaid (common for those who outlive their assets) and are hospitalized, their bed stays available for a short period of time, after that you go where a bed can be found, which outside of metro areas can be a long distance from where you had been living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve spent the last near decade doing mostly hospice care of patients of all ages, but mostly elders.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; even those surrounded by loved ones in the end died alone. It’s not like on TV or in movies folks. The dying process is a solitary act. We all die alone.

This. I think people read an obituary that the person died "surrounded by loved ones" and assume the people were on vigil 27-7 until the person passed. They had loved ones visiting and often didn't want to traumatize their loved ones and died alone. Or they died with loved ones around and some of those people needed therapy afterwards, not just from the years of being there for the loved one, but from actually witnessing the death. I pray when my time comes I can say goodbye, but die peacefully in my sleep and not cause any trauma. Of course I also want the choice to die on my terms if I develop cancer or start sinking into dementia/Alzheimers. I refuse to become an angry, hostile, mean-spirited tyrant like one of my parents-refuse. Even if it means traveling somewhere else to end life and protect others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve spent the last near decade doing mostly hospice care of patients of all ages, but mostly elders.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; even those surrounded by loved ones in the end died alone. It’s not like on TV or in movies folks. The dying process is a solitary act. We all die alone.

Can confirm ^^^

— ICU nurse