Anonymous wrote:My dad loved me so much and my husband loves our daughters so much. I actually think my dad loved me more than my mom.

Show me don’t tell me.

Examples

Examples of love

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask this because all the men that I know spend very little time with their kids. They provide financially but make very little effort to spend time with their kids or parent. It seems like many men love the idea of a family but don’t actually want to be an active parent.

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

Most men are too self centered to actually care for another person, or develop, parent and teach a kid for 20+ years

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

They don’t take care of them.
They love the idea of their kids and being an adult with kids. But….

Their priorities are themselves (their food, sleep, entertainment) and their work image.

Then there’s a big gap and the house, elderly parents, kids, maybe the wife come way later. They get the occasional leftover mindshare or energy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

In label only.

Everyone SAYS they love their own kids.

Some SHOW and DEMONSTRATE they love their kids, and not via being permissive and spoiling them.

Being able to CARE FOR one’s own kids or see their needs and take care of those. And put their needs ahead of your wants is quite another thing.

Some do both, those men are rare.

This. Its the putting someones needs first for a time and sacrificing leisure time and funds to better the kids. Not all of it but some of it and not treating it as a burden but as a choice that you make when you have kids.

I do think my DH truly loves our kid but I also think his love is more conditional than mine and he expects to get more out of it for himself. Our kid is really great so this is not an issue but I do wonder what would happen if she had severe special needs that made her really difficult to deal with or if when she's a teenager she rebelled really hard against us. I know I'd hang in -- I grew up with abuse and neglect and truly believe it is my fundamental duty to love my child no matter what. But I don't know if DH would be able to do that. Hopefully with enough support from me. But that's hard on the mom.

Dh and many of my dad friends love their children and are full partners in rasing them. My father adored me and we did things together and he still calls and worries etc. Now he has added granddaughters to his circle and is such a positive influence on them. Because of this example, i tried to chose a partner who would be similar and interested in actually raising good humans. Dh changed diapers, rocked, researched diaper creams, now is on PTA and finds activities kids will like and takes them. He does daddy daugher dinner out with each kid a couple times a hear, willingly plays teaparty but also teaches them to do pullups. And frankly many of my friends are the same and those that arent im not close to.

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

In label only.

Everyone SAYS they love their own kids.

Some SHOW and DEMONSTRATE they love their kids, and not via being permissive and spoiling them.

Being able to CARE FOR one’s own kids or see their needs and take care of those. And put their needs ahead of your wants is quite another thing.

Some do both, those men are rare.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask this because all the men that I know spend very little time with their kids. They provide financially but make very little effort to spend time with their kids or parent. It seems like many men love the idea of a family but don’t actually want to be an active parent.

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

The problem is that you are thinking that spending time with the kids equals loving them. You can spend time with kids and hate them. There are different ways to show love.
Men and women express love differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve often wondered something similar but for a different reason. I would never leave my kids and move out to go live somewhere else. Men do it ALL the time, women much less frequently. It’s not that I think they don’t love their kids, I just literally can’t comprehend how they can do it.

My dad did it, my own husband did it (left his kids with his ex). I just wouldn’t.

They do it bc it’s the most practical way to make more money and start over and they figure the mom
Is a good mom and can handle it for them. Men are practical creatures.

Why did you marry someone who did this? Probably for the financial attraction. QED.

Men who create a second life for themselves when they fail in their first aren't "practical creatures" they're spineless cowards. Practical creatures would understand that it's "cheaper to keep her", at a minimum, and that one household is less costly than two. From there, they'd take practical steps to make that household functional, if not happy.

And if they "figure the mom is a good mom", why do they so often disparage the mothers they task with doing all of the work of raising their children?

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

That’s a certain group of men. Those men simply view children as a by-product of having a sexual relationship. They deal with kids to have access to the woman. Once that access is gone, they are done with the kids.

*still asking this question! not still playing a role (AI will be the end of me)

Anonymous wrote:My DH coaches our kids’ sports, listens to parenting podcasts, takes them to medical appointments (one of our kids has some special needs requiring some extra appointments), plays video games with them, takes them camping, drives carpool, etc. And when we lay in bed at night we talk about things going on in their lives that we are worried about or planning for or whatever. He is the one other person on the planet who I know loves my kids as much as I do and that he would jump in front of a bullet for them.

His group of dad friends is the same. I don’t think they’re an anomaly. This generation of dads seem to be more open about taking on a caregiver role rather than just a financial provider role.

+1
DH loves the kids as much as i do, I have no doubt. He's an amazing dad. Most of my kids friends dads also play an equal role.

BUT the fact we are still playing this role as a society is telling of the overall state of things.

My DH coaches our kids’ sports, listens to parenting podcasts, takes them to medical appointments (one of our kids has some special needs requiring some extra appointments), plays video games with them, takes them camping, drives carpool, etc. And when we lay in bed at night we talk about things going on in their lives that we are worried about or planning for or whatever. He is the one other person on the planet who I know loves my kids as much as I do and that he would jump in front of a bullet for them.

His group of dad friends is the same. I don’t think they’re an anomaly. This generation of dads seem to be more open about taking on a caregiver role rather than just a financial provider role.

My dad loved my sibling and I more than my mom did. It's how I learned that men are capable of so much more than most women expect them to be.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

100%