Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:19     Subject: Re:Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, very much so.

I have many roles in our marriage and my H has many roles as well. That being said, it's not specifically that he is a man but the fact that he is a man is why he is immensely stronger than I am. He's also trained in combat fighting, (Krav Maga) and he is trained in using a gun. All our guns are in safes at all times unless they are holstered. If he were disabled or less trained than me then no he would not be responsible for that. He has coworkers who are female and they would be more likely to be the "protector".

I have 1 son who is extremely strong and trained in Jui Jitsu, I very much felt he has a responsibility to protect people in the face of danger and he has stopped a few fights in middle school and HS. Once there was a fight at school and my son was brought into the principal's office to help him understand why my son didn't stop it and it was because he left for a doctor's appointment. I do think that this is a very unusual situation because my son happens to be extremely strong. I would not expect this of my other 2 sons.

Also, I expect my H to kill spiders. I can deal with all other bugs.

This is pretty much the only "gender norm" we have.


I wouldn’t brag that your kid was expected by the principal to break up a fight. That level of responsibility double edged sword and the principal isn’t doing their job.


With great gifts comes great responsibility. He also was given great amounts of help through school from other students … that’s how the world is supposed to work.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:19     Subject: Re:Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm now divorced, and it changed very little about who was responsible for fixing, protecting, problem-solving, etc., which was revelatory.

The idea(l) of "man as protector/provider" doesn't work with today's "men".


I agree with this. Today's men are soft. What I find interesting is the many men throughout time have tended toward that. But they were taught to be strong, in some cases that turned toxic. But many others became responsible adult males. Now, it's as if we have overcorrected, as we are doing in so many areas.

Men should be taught to be equal and strong partners, just as women should be taught the same.


Kids realize it too by age 8.

Don’t bother going to dad when you see a stranger or a problem or something on fire. He never knows wtf to do.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:18     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you’re married do you loosely speaking consider it your DH’s job to protect you and the kids? Say there’s a noise in the middle of the night…..should he go check it out? If you ran out of gas while driving at night and someone had to walk a mile to the gas station, should he do it?


Yes.

However he’s too lazy and selfish. He sleeps with ear plugs in so never woke for the baby, night snowfall and freezing, noises, etc.

He also wouldn’t know what to do. So ignoring issues or noises or people is his MO.


Never getting up with the baby is BS, but why do you want him to wake up for snow?


It was 9pm and he didn’t care if nanny slipped on ice or had no walkway at 7:30am in 30F temps. He’d rather keep watching tv.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:16     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, but why’d you run out of gas?


Because OP failed to do her job.


Right, bcause if society and gender norms dictate that it's safer for the man to do the manly protection jobs, then the woman has to do somehting.

I am saying this because I am angry about how it's actually true, not in this siutation but generally


Why are you angry about this?

We have a pretty traditional relationship. My job is to take care of the kids. DH does stuff like this.
Frankly, and I wouldn’t say this in real life, DH is more expendable than I am right now. If he dies, it’s incredibly sad, but we kind of move on. He has a $3 million term life insurance policy.
If I die, the inside baby dies too, and the other kids would really struggle.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:13     Subject: Re:Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:I'm now divorced, and it changed very little about who was responsible for fixing, protecting, problem-solving, etc., which was revelatory.

The idea(l) of "man as protector/provider" doesn't work with today's "men".


I agree with this. Today's men are soft. What I find interesting is the many men throughout time have tended toward that. But they were taught to be strong, in some cases that turned toxic. But many others became responsible adult males. Now, it's as if we have overcorrected, as we are doing in so many areas.

Men should be taught to be equal and strong partners, just as women should be taught the same.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:12     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
I used to think this- I wanted to feel protected! But wheny spouse got a TBI and bacame an alcoholic he became the biggest threat to my safety

Now I’m single, safe, and investigate noises myself.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:11     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH is 6'4" and is strong and physically fit, and looks pretty intimidating. He definitely takes the lead on being protective. He is also in charge of getting rid of all bugs. If it is a non-poisonous type, he captures it and takes it outside. It makes me smile every time I see this giant dude gently cupping a little bug to carry it outside.

That bug is just gonna find its way back to your house.. just sayin'.


I'm the PP. I don't disagree. 😂😂
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:09     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:We would stay in the car together (huddled if it was cold) until it got light. If the kids were with us, DH would walk.If I was with him, we'd walk together to get help.

When we hear a noise, DH goes to investigate, I go to check on the kids.


This. DH does both of these things (and everything like this), and I stay with the kids and make them think everything is okay.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 09:03     Subject: Re:Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
I'm now divorced, and it changed very little about who was responsible for fixing, protecting, problem-solving, etc., which was revelatory.

The idea(l) of "man as protector/provider" doesn't work with today's "men".
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:58     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Do you all have a portable gas can in your car? I don't, so nobody would walk for gas. I try not to drop under a half tank.

I'm responsible for nearly all the logistics including car maintenance and checking the house doors at night, which IMO is protection. But DH would check on the noise, or we both would depending on what it might be. He is also responsible for spiders and bees and anything involving a ladder.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:40     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
AAA is for towing and gas.

In decent weather, we would both walk for gas. For the company, and also because if you're hypothesizing disaster, as a woman, I'd prefer not to be alone without theability to drive off immediately.

I make my husband crush the gross big bugs because I hate the sound and feel of that. I take care of plumbing issues and car repair diagnosis.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:36     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have outsourced this role to a German Shepherd and honestly he’s a lot better suited to it than DH.


Your GS can walk a mile for gasoline? Smart dog.


He can definitely walk many miles- getting the gas would be more tricky!! LOL!
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:34     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
The dog investigates noises, and my DH gets up to see if the dog needs assistance. Not because my DH is tough, but because I need more sleep than he does.

Is the gas question because you routinely drive in scary places or because of the physical exertion? I am more physically fit, so I would probably be more equipped to carry a jug of gasoline for a mile. But we also have USAA roadside assistance, so we would probably just call them.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:33     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have outsourced this role to a German Shepherd and honestly he’s a lot better suited to it than DH.


Your GS can walk a mile for gasoline? Smart dog.


Have you ever met a GSD?


We would never be in that circumstance (we’re both too paranoid to let the gas get that low and we have aaa) but the dog would still be walking with DH to get the gas lol.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2024 08:33     Subject: Is it your DH’s job to protect you?
Anonymous wrote:My DH is 6'4" and is strong and physically fit, and looks pretty intimidating. He definitely takes the lead on being protective. He is also in charge of getting rid of all bugs. If it is a non-poisonous type, he captures it and takes it outside. It makes me smile every time I see this giant dude gently cupping a little bug to carry it outside.

That bug is just gonna find its way back to your house.. just sayin'.