Anonymous wrote:Completely reasonable and acceptable for you not to want to date men who had kids outside of marriage. Some women might be ok with this, you're not, and that's fine.

PP here. Your values need to align at a core level. Men in this situation probably don't have the same values as you do, you're right. Don't let your friends tell you otherwise.

Completely reasonable and acceptable for you not to want to date men who had kids outside of marriage. Some women might be ok with this, you're not, and that's fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to rule out guys with kids, that's fine. But why turn a choice into the moral high ground? I don't like guys with goatees, but I don't go around saying they are trash.

OP here. I’m not saying they are trash. I just think they are more likely to have commitment issues and different views on family than me.

And then divorced guys don't have different views?

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. I have to talk to them to find out. I believe that marriage is desirable, for life, and definitely should happen if you want to have kids with a man. I date some divorced guys with the same views. They are divorced because their ex-wife had different views.

Anonymous wrote:Out of wedlock pregnancies happen so the real question is what is his role in the child’s life? There are all degrees of involvement many or most of which are set by the mother. I’d probe to understand his role and why before I’d cast him adrift.

Most of them happen by the female trying to “catch” the male. So that’s the calculated risk.

No matter to either of them, since those kids get raised by the maternal grandmother who required the same thing from her mother.

Out of wedlock pregnancies happen so the real question is what is his role in the child’s life? There are all degrees of involvement many or most of which are set by the mother. I’d probe to understand his role and why before I’d cast him adrift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to rule out guys with kids, that's fine. But why turn a choice into the moral high ground? I don't like guys with goatees, but I don't go around saying they are trash.

OP here. I’m not saying they are trash. I just think they are more likely to have commitment issues and different views on family than me.

And then divorced guys don't have different views?

I’m with you. One child out of wedlock is a mistake, sure. But to have reached 38-48 and never married in the interim is a second orange flag that makes a whole red flag.

But ultimately, you’re supposed to judge men on whether they’re marriage material or not. That’s the whole point of dating for marriage. People act like the J-word is the actual moral failure! Absurd.

One kid out of wedlock, fine.

More than one, no way.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to rule out guys with kids, that's fine. But why turn a choice into the moral high ground? I don't like guys with goatees, but I don't go around saying they are trash.

OP here. I’m not saying they are trash. I just think they are more likely to have commitment issues and different views on family than me.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to rule out guys with kids, that's fine. But why turn a choice into the moral high ground? I don't like guys with goatees, but I don't go around saying they are trash.

OP didn’t. It was her friend calling her names like judgmental.

If you want to rule out guys with kids, that's fine. But why turn a choice into the moral high ground? I don't like guys with goatees, but I don't go around saying they are trash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a racist troll post

Nobody said Black guys are trash because they will never marry you. You just imagined that

More like some cultures brag about how many kids they have with how many women they left.

Anonymous wrote:Responsible mature adults have accidental pregnancies. It happens all the time. Birth control methods fail. I think you sound arrogant and immature.

I agree.

Keep in mind that those kids AND the former partner will all be in your life forever. You’ll have child support, custody, shared holidays, coordinating vacations, split college tuition, etc. That’s the reason I would think seriously about getting involved with someone with kids already.

I think it says either irresponsible or a man with commitment issues. If there was a long term partner, I’d be interested in her take on him. I’d have a lot of questions.

It’s a red flag for sure.

I’d much rather date a nice, normal divorced man.