I think she is just more like your sister in what she likes to do, that’s all.
It’s sad but it happens.

"We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards." -- and this, I'd hate all of this too.

I think you have a cool mom. As PP said, oftentimes the elderly don't want to do anything and the adult kids with families are bored out of their minds. I think you could arrange a vacation somewhere where everybody would enjoy it. If she's into hiking in the mountains, yes, she'll dislike going to the lake. Why not meet up somewhere else? Also, when grandkids are already adults, they can make their own arrangements with granny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.

Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.

good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.

This is making me laugh. There are so many posts where people are complaining that the grandparents just want to sit around and play cards and all the do is basically go from meal to meal. And that the grandparents live in some town with nothing to do. And in this version, granny is like “my kids and grandkids ARE SO BORING.”

IKR, if only we could start a swap.

IDK OP, I wonder what the history is like? Have you always been more distant with her than your sister? Was she more involved with the grandkids when they were younger. When kids are young, grandparents need to bend a lot to accommodate the needs and schedules of busy young families. Now that everyone is an adult, can you ask her what she might like to do? It’s hard to know without understanding your history, but maybe what your mom is hearing is- we want you to come to a place you don’t like and spend the entire time doing things that you don’t like. I think the only way to make things better is to have a direct and condemnation free conversation. Maybe there’s a way to make visits better. Maybe not, but at least you’ll know

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.

Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.

good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.

Face it, OP: you're enjoying your *hurt* role in this sad dynamic. There are lots of workarounds here but you've chosen the victim status.

DP
There is absolutely nothing that indicates that. GFY

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.

Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.

good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.

This is making me laugh. There are so many posts where people are complaining that the grandparents just want to sit around and play cards and all the do is basically go from meal to meal. And that the grandparents live in some town with nothing to do. And in this version, granny is like “my kids and grandkids ARE SO BORING.”

Anonymous wrote:My mother lives overseas. She talks to my sister a lot more than me (sister also lives in the us). It hurts me deeply but there is nothing to do about it and I don’t see the point in asking her why she does this. Her actions tell me why: she prefers my sister. I just focus on enjoying our chats and try to limit thinking about her.

Thanks

My mother lives overseas. She talks to my sister a lot more than me (sister also lives in the us). It hurts me deeply but there is nothing to do about it and I don’t see the point in asking her why she does this. Her actions tell me why: she prefers my sister. I just focus on enjoying our chats and try to limit thinking about her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You would spend time with your grandkids. But if that’s not of interest to you, perhaps we shouldn’t visit you. Something to think about.”

The first part of that is fine. The second is puerile and petulant.

Why would they spend time and money to visit a grandma who is not interested in spending time with grandkids? Answer that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!

Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!

It’s a cute college town

Hmmm…unless it’s Ann Arbor and your lake trip is to Northern Michigan then nope, nope, nope. I grew up going to Lake Erie and it’s depressing compared to the gorgeous lakes and scenic landscape in the western states. Lake Erie is blah, western state lakes are breathtaking.

Have a been to all the cute little college towns?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!

Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!

It’s a cute college town

Hmmm…unless it’s Ann Arbor and your lake trip is to Northern Michigan then nope, nope, nope. I grew up going to Lake Erie and it’s depressing compared to the gorgeous lakes and scenic landscape in the western states. Lake Erie is blah, western state lakes are breathtaking.

Why didn't you just list what she'd do there, including "see your grandchildren, of course!" Instead you're sitting around passively being hurt. Lame.

Anonymous wrote:Can Gma drive to sister? Coukd it be distance vs flying?

No, she has to fly to both of our places.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.

Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.

good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.

Face it, OP: you're enjoying your *hurt* role in this sad dynamic. There are lots of workarounds here but you've chosen the victim status.

Do tell, what’s the workaround?

Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!

Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!

It’s a cute college town