Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 17:17     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I don’t not want to be with my DH. It’s just that I love us as a family unit. We genuinely enjoy each other. And filling that time with secondary projects and busy work doesn’t fill that time or desire.

Additionally it’s not just the “empty nest” it’s the feeling of having no worth and no meaningful goals as I age. All those things I wanted, I have. It’s behind me now. And realizing if I start something I could
Be dead before I finish it.

We have pets. And they are important to us. But now I’m thinking “I’ll never be able to have a kitten again, bc it may outlive me.” (Ftr, I enjoy adults animals and even seniors too).
It all Just seems so. . . Meaningless. Lonely.


Thank you for posting. I am fearing this as youngest heads off in August. I am signing up to volunteer here and there to try and find a cause to focus on.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 16:36     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
I’m a therapist and this sounds like depression, OP. Seek some effective treatment. Wishing you good luck and peace.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 16:35     Subject: Re:Dim view of future as I age
Travel
Religion- church group or temple
long walk with friends
book club
going to local places that you have never been
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 16:30     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP it can take more than 6 weeks.
Plus situational depression is well, the situation. It can trigger the chemistry but chemistry isn't everything. Like, on an antidepressant one can still be sad if someone dies, a national park burns, etc.

With respect you have led a very atypical life for most working women in the US. A nanny, girls outing travel, etc. You got the best parts of a full nest, without the parts some have experienced that make them eager to have the kids out of the house.

Anyway, is NOT "being with my (entire) family" this big tentpole in all your feelings?

What's with the job? Why is it dead ended now? If you are in your 50s you have years, decades ahead if you want. Is it depression that makes it feel like there's nothing new left to aim for? Try a new career?




What a weirdly aggressive response.


I thought it was on point


OP. I did not. I'm "atypical" so I'm not entitled to my feelings? I don't understand what is being said, I guess.

And also I'm not "atypical" as I am from a LMC midwest family and was still paying off loans, not making a lot of money when kids came. Our "nanny" was part time and shared with another family. I worked full time. Am the default parent, by far. But I'm not sure hwat that has to do with my OP???
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 15:35     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP it can take more than 6 weeks.
Plus situational depression is well, the situation. It can trigger the chemistry but chemistry isn't everything. Like, on an antidepressant one can still be sad if someone dies, a national park burns, etc.

With respect you have led a very atypical life for most working women in the US. A nanny, girls outing travel, etc. You got the best parts of a full nest, without the parts some have experienced that make them eager to have the kids out of the house.

Anyway, is NOT "being with my (entire) family" this big tentpole in all your feelings?

What's with the job? Why is it dead ended now? If you are in your 50s you have years, decades ahead if you want. Is it depression that makes it feel like there's nothing new left to aim for? Try a new career?




What a weirdly aggressive response.


I thought it was on point
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 14:51     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 13:30     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:OP it can take more than 6 weeks.
Plus situational depression is well, the situation. It can trigger the chemistry but chemistry isn't everything. Like, on an antidepressant one can still be sad if someone dies, a national park burns, etc.

With respect you have led a very atypical life for most working women in the US. A nanny, girls outing travel, etc. You got the best parts of a full nest, without the parts some have experienced that make them eager to have the kids out of the house.

Anyway, is NOT "being with my (entire) family" this big tentpole in all your feelings?

What's with the job? Why is it dead ended now? If you are in your 50s you have years, decades ahead if you want. Is it depression that makes it feel like there's nothing new left to aim for? Try a new career?




What a weirdly aggressive response.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 13:13     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
OP it can take more than 6 weeks.
Plus situational depression is well, the situation. It can trigger the chemistry but chemistry isn't everything. Like, on an antidepressant one can still be sad if someone dies, a national park burns, etc.

With respect you have led a very atypical life for most working women in the US. A nanny, girls outing travel, etc. You got the best parts of a full nest, without the parts some have experienced that make them eager to have the kids out of the house.

Anyway, is NOT "being with my (entire) family" this big tentpole in all your feelings?

What's with the job? Why is it dead ended now? If you are in your 50s you have years, decades ahead if you want. Is it depression that makes it feel like there's nothing new left to aim for? Try a new career?


Anonymous
Post 07/25/2024 09:37     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:This is why women can't live only to care for children. Kids have to leave the nest, and they will push away, which is normal. Not that it isn't hard. Just that you have to have the groundwork in place.


Op. The thing is you’re not describing me. I’ve always had friends, girls nights, hobbies. I work FT and we had daycare and a nanny. I have traveled wo my family (with girl friends).

I love all that. I just love being with my family. I’m pushing myself to continue to do things but with much less joy now.

As to the folks who said let the meds work- I’ve been on it for about 6 weeks. It’s helped with the anxiety aspect (I was having panic attacks, not eating, etc.) But not the other symptoms.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 23:12     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
This is why women can't live only to care for children. Kids have to leave the nest, and they will push away, which is normal. Not that it isn't hard. Just that you have to have the groundwork in place.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 23:09     Subject: Re:Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP — ask for this to be moved to the menopause forum. You’ll get tons of input. Much will be good.


This is why I feel like we need a more general midlife forum since post like this are more than just menopause.


Agreed. It was Midlife and Eldercare, right? And now suddenly it's just eldercare??

I am in midlife and am dealing with a lot of Eldercare of parents and these are two entirely different things.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 22:40     Subject: Re:Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP — ask for this to be moved to the menopause forum. You’ll get tons of input. Much will be good.


This is why I feel like we need a more general midlife forum since post like this are more than just menopause.


We used to have a 50s and over forum that was perfect for these topics but eldercare was added and it became mostly about that.


Yes, 50 and over was better. Now you have a choice of taking care of the elderly or dealing with menopause. That's kind of the point of this thread-what is there besides aging to look forward to? There aren't really milestones like when you are younger. There are not many firsts left to do, and if you haven't done it by now, you probably don't want to.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 22:34     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait for the drugs to work. You are in deep depression looking at your "lost job" that hasn't even happened yet.
Death is everywhere. Wait until you are 70 and people younger than you are dropping.

When you are able to, take the attitude that YOU matter.
YOU are not just a kid grower, job drone, housecleaning.
If you don't enjoy time alone with your spouse, why? Or is all you do talk about kids and jobs?

There is more.
I am prone to cycles of depression. I walked out of my last job 16 years ago. The cats died. We never had kids.
Most days are meaningful. I see beauty even in a bird sitting on the curb. Some days I think about just quitting. But it passes.

Find something to do besides your job that matters to someone outside your house. Pick up litter on a walk,


I feel like the OP, but what you’re posting isn’t helpful. Looking for beauty in a bird in order to fill my life, fills me dread. This is really lonely and empty to me. This just made it worse.


Well gee thanks. It's my life. Sorry it's repellent to you. Bless your heart.


Ignore them. Lots of people get joy from birdwatching.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 20:38     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
OP I had a serious health scare at 35 and just had a friend diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I posted that Andrea Gibson letter.

You were goal oriented and future focused so being older will be very hard for you unless you can identify with something else. Are you spiritual at all? Do you meditate or pray? Are you a sensual person?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2024 20:32     Subject: Dim view of future as I age
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait for the drugs to work. You are in deep depression looking at your "lost job" that hasn't even happened yet.
Death is everywhere. Wait until you are 70 and people younger than you are dropping.

When you are able to, take the attitude that YOU matter.
YOU are not just a kid grower, job drone, housecleaning.
If you don't enjoy time alone with your spouse, why? Or is all you do talk about kids and jobs?

There is more.
I am prone to cycles of depression. I walked out of my last job 16 years ago. The cats died. We never had kids.
Most days are meaningful. I see beauty even in a bird sitting on the curb. Some days I think about just quitting. But it passes.

Find something to do besides your job that matters to someone outside your house. Pick up litter on a walk,


I feel like the OP, but what you’re posting isn’t helpful. Looking for beauty in a bird in order to fill my life, fills me dread. This is really lonely and empty to me. This just made it worse.


I’ve been finding beauty in birds since my 20s, so not sure why you’re negging Pp.