Anonymous wrote:Volunteer if you want/have time, or don't if you can't. Just be nice and pleasant in general in your interactions with the school. But you don't need to volunteer in order for your kid to get preferential treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

Because nobody does anything in life for those reasons alone. Even when you do something because it's the "right thing to do," in the back of your mind you are also doing it to increase your chances of being perceived well by others, reduce your future risk of being blamed for wrongdoing, etc. These motivations might not be in the forefront of your mind, but your subconscious is working out all the math behind the scenes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound as if it's fine for a child to get preferential treatment in exchange for their parent helping out at school. It's not.

I was on the board of my kids' school PTA for many years, and was in the building a lot, organizing and helping out with various events.
My kids did not receive preferential treatment, I did not ask for special placement or favors. That would have been ethically wrong.

However, working with the administration, teachers and staff allows parents to understand what it is that a school can and cannot do. Resources are limited. They should be directed to the neediest cases first. Knowing how a school works allows parents to understand what to ask for if their kid really needs help: who to contact, what are reasonable accommodations, and how long it might be until the issue is addressed. It keeps parents realistic, instead of fuming that something doesn't get fixed instantly.

Conversely, if the administration and teachers see you genuinely helping (instead of creating more nonsense busywork some PTA parents dream up!), and if your kid really does develop a problem, they will be more inclined to believe you, because a measure of trust has been established. I see this most often with parents of kids with special needs, some of whom volunteer so they can observe their child in the classroom, and understand how to make available services and accommodations work for their kid. Teachers see these parents doing their best, and skip the notion that bad parenting is at the root of their kid's behavioral issues.

But procotols and procedures still need to be followed, and parents cannot demand something outside of the rulebook.

Great post above. My PTA helping and other school volunteering gave me info, helped me understand how to guide my child, and gave me credibility when my kid had social problems with other kids at aftercare and recess. I didn't expect or receive perks.

If the principal attends PTA, going to PTA meetings...no matter whether you enjoy it, it seems cliquey to you, etc...gives you a good opportunity to bring issues forward and figure out whether the school is on track. In my district, all PTAs meet during the evening, so working parents can participate.

I have been a PTA member K-12. There are only a few active members involved. It hasn't been a source of "mom friends" but it has given me more of a sense of community involvement which I value.

PTAs often come across as cliquey but that is often just a bond formed by people who get used to putting on fun events with insufficient volunteer staffing. And general social awkwardness. Gen X did not get raised like the "Hostess with the Mostess" Boomers. And Millennials around me are even less interested in volunteering. If you have your own friends (not necessarily elementary parents) and can pull off organizing an event, you will quickly get incorporated into the core. And don't be upset to keep reintroducing yourself...most only see each other once a month.

The bolded is so, so true about why people don't volunteer.

That said, I do think some PTAs (and similar groups in any organization) can get very resistant to incorporating new people. Once you have a group that's been around long enough they have a circle of trust and get used to doing everything. Then there are no opportunities to organize an event, because the small circle is already doing it. So you can't show you can handle it. So you can't get incorporated into the core. And it becomes a bad spiral until the group somehow changes, in which case a lot of important know-how is often lost.

No this doesn't describe every PTA, but the ones that feel cliquey often do because of the circle of trust issue, not genuine cliquey-ness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

Because nobody does anything in life for those reasons alone. Even when you do something because it's the "right thing to do," in the back of your mind you are also doing it to increase your chances of being perceived well by others, reduce your future risk of being blamed for wrongdoing, etc. These motivations might not be in the forefront of your mind, but your subconscious is working out all the math behind the scenes.

If all that math is going on, but the outcome is helpful for the students at the school, what's the problem? Win-win

I could easily come up with different math where I don't flex my time and I don't go into the school. Having other motivation (besides school placement which as anyone can tell you is not guaranteed) to cause us to volunteer sounds human.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

Because nobody does anything in life for those reasons alone. Even when you do something because it's the "right thing to do," in the back of your mind you are also doing it to increase your chances of being perceived well by others, reduce your future risk of being blamed for wrongdoing, etc. These motivations might not be in the forefront of your mind, but your subconscious is working out all the math behind the scenes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.

Because nobody does anything in life for those reasons alone. Even when you do something because it's the "right thing to do," in the back of your mind you are also doing it to increase your chances of being perceived well by others, reduce your future risk of being blamed for wrongdoing, etc. These motivations might not be in the forefront of your mind, but your subconscious is working out all the math behind the scenes.

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad how many people volunteer at school for their own perceived benefit and not…the good of the children!! Wth! How about you volunteer at the school because it’s the right thing to do.