DS 19 has been with his gf for about a year and a half now. I check once in a while to see how they are when she comes over but that's it. I checked much more regularly when they started dating, just before they became seniors.

I have a 19 yr old DS whose gf comes over a lot. They go to his room, and close the door. No lock. Once in a while, I knock on the door, open it to ask or tell DS something. They are sometimes in bed, fully clothed. I know they've had sex. I found an unused condom in the basement once the day after they were down there. This has been going on since DS was about 17/18.

At that age, especially for a girl, I would not allow DD to be in a room with her bf. Door must stay open, and I would definitely randomly, infrequently check. I know it's sexist, but it's the girl who has to mostly deal with the fall out of getting pregnant.

However, I know that if the want to have sex, they will find a way to do so. But, I don't have to make it easier for them in my own house.

Anonymous wrote:Cameras? Ugh, no. Gross.

I would view this as a liability. If someone - your daughter/son/another person - got hold of the footage and put it online you would be liable. So hard no to cameras.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our basement doesn’t have a door — I go down once or twice I no the evening to offer snacks and to put something away or whatever. They know clothes stay on. I’ve been wondering whether I should enforce the one foot on the ground rule but it seems pointless.

I don’t know the gf’s parents but I was thinking about texting them and asking if they have any rules they’d like me to folllw. My son goes over there a lot and seems to have a good relationship with the parents — goes out to eat with them, invited to family events. They spend more time there because her parents don’t like her taking public transportation by herself and they don’t drive yet.

I had sex with clothes on plenty of time as a teen.

I had sex naked plenty of time because on girlfriend's parents (including her COP DAD) let us hang in her room with the door closed and locked.

SP, the point is not to be lurid, but to say that I think your point is that the kids are going to do IT no matter what you do, but I think making it TOO easy, when they're younger is not a great idea. Don't be intrusive, but don't let it turn into a free-for-all... it's going to get there eventually.

I agree with this common sense approach. Yes, they will do it eventually, but parents should not be making it too easy. Keep it slow and age-appropriate. When I look back and think about the risks I took when I was 16, I am appalled. But my mom was very much a “sex just happens” free-for-all child of the 60s and seemed to think it was inevitable and desirable. It was not. I am lucky that I did not end up pregnant.

Thank God the pendulum is swinging back to common sense.

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP.

No I would not be OK with my teen drinking any sort of alcohol or being unsupervised with opposite sex.

My son has a GF. When she comes over, they do not go upstairs. They stay in common areas. We do have a basement but it is a large open area with the laundry down there, so other family members are always in and out. They won’t be surprised since the stairs are creaky and they will hear us coming down.

DC’s GF’s family is strict too and GF seems to be cautious due to religious values. I hope DC always dates girls like this.

Down a basement is unsupervised. Hate to break it to you. I did it plenty of times in my boyfriend’s basement. It didn’t have a door and we planned accordingly. Family right upstairs. I was also a “good” girl that went to catholic school.

OMG OP.

No I would not be OK with my teen drinking any sort of alcohol or being unsupervised with opposite sex.

My son has a GF. When she comes over, they do not go upstairs. They stay in common areas. We do have a basement but it is a large open area with the laundry down there, so other family members are always in and out. They won’t be surprised since the stairs are creaky and they will hear us coming down.

DC’s GF’s family is strict too and GF seems to be cautious due to religious values. I hope DC always dates girls like this.

No closed doors

15 and yes I check in frequently and door is always wide open. I both physically check in and put myself in the area (making it obvious I’m around) every so often. When she is 17, I’ll care less..but for now, I care a lot and don’t want too much to happen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our basement doesn’t have a door — I go down once or twice I no the evening to offer snacks and to put something away or whatever. They know clothes stay on. I’ve been wondering whether I should enforce the one foot on the ground rule but it seems pointless.

I don’t know the gf’s parents but I was thinking about texting them and asking if they have any rules they’d like me to folllw. My son goes over there a lot and seems to have a good relationship with the parents — goes out to eat with them, invited to family events. They spend more time there because her parents don’t like her taking public transportation by herself and they don’t drive yet.

I had sex with clothes on plenty of time as a teen.

I had sex naked plenty of time because on girlfriend's parents (including her COP DAD) let us hang in her room with the door closed and locked.

SP, the point is not to be lurid, but to say that I think your point is that the kids are going to do IT no matter what you do, but I think making it TOO easy, when they're younger is not a great idea. Don't be intrusive, but don't let it turn into a free-for-all... it's going to get there eventually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our basement doesn’t have a door — I go down once or twice I no the evening to offer snacks and to put something away or whatever. They know clothes stay on. I’ve been wondering whether I should enforce the one foot on the ground rule but it seems pointless.

I don’t know the gf’s parents but I was thinking about texting them and asking if they have any rules they’d like me to folllw. My son goes over there a lot and seems to have a good relationship with the parents — goes out to eat with them, invited to family events. They spend more time there because her parents don’t like her taking public transportation by herself and they don’t drive yet.

I had sex with clothes on plenty of time as a teen.

I had sex naked plenty of time because on girlfriend's parents (including her COP DAD) let us hang in her room with the door closed and locked.