Anonymous
Post 07/08/2024 10:42     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send her an anonymous email saying you saw the boy kissing someone.


This seems pretty cruel.


yeah, don't do this. it's a lie, it will be upsetting, and could destroy your relationship if she ever finds out you did it.

there is enough evidence as it is for you to present honestly your assessment that the boy is not interested in her.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2024 10:08     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:Send her an anonymous email saying you saw the boy kissing someone.


This seems pretty cruel.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 17:57     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Thank you everyone for this advice. This has been really helpful. So hard to watch but this is real life and she will have to learn to handle situations like this at some point.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 15:13     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Send her an anonymous email saying you saw the boy kissing someone.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 14:35     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
You should absolutely say something, but empower her. Ask her if it's OK to share your thoughts. Let her know you trust she will do what is best for her, but explain how actions speak louder than words.

Why should you attempt to say something? Even socially skilled women make awful mistakes in this area and even marry men who clearly just were not that into them. Nothing wrong with talking about the importance of paying attention to how someone behaves and teaching these things.

Clearly plenty of smart women never figured these things out for themselves. I have read best selling books and articles by women who seemed to have it all who had so many clear signs they were marrying someone who was just not that into them and then they have this awful marriage, miserable divorce and years and therapy. They didn't figure it out until after ALL THAT.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:49     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
I wouldn’t so much focus on his behavior, but rather focus on her. I’d emphasize how awesome she is and that she deserves someone who prioritizes her. You can’t say for sure what is going on in this boy’s head, so don’t speculate. Just discuss/model what a healthy relationship looks like and make sure she knows that if it’s the right person then your feelings shouldn’t be hurt all the time and you won’t have to be the one always reaching out first.

Work on her self confidence and with that she will begin to have higher expectations for how she is treated. I put up with a lot of garbage from guys when I was younger because I didn’t believe anyone would treat me better. Once I improved my self esteem I was able to say bye to guys who weren’t treating me well.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:42     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Since she is coming on strong and really likes him, his parents probably told him to back off and cool things down to avoid leading her on. They are 15. Neither really knows how to manage unrequited feelings. Definitely talk to her and ask more questions to get her to think rather than telling her what you think.

She could tell him she just wants to be friends again and to go back to how it was before and that she is cool with it not being anything more. He might need to hear that to know he won’t be leading her on by engaging more.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:36     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.



There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).


I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB


but this is not the goal, necessarily. the teen will be provided with information and a framework to understand male behavior. she doesn't need to apply it on the first day. to suggest that mothers should not teach their daughters about dating is insane.


I don't think you need to teacher her about "male behavior" - it is worth emphasizing that his behavior is not a referendum on her worth, and that when someone is behaving in a way that makes you feel bad, it's normal to feel bad, and also that is important information. Because you deserve, and can have, someone who treats you well and makes you feel good. We all deserve that. The sooner she internalizes that message, the fewer autobiographical novels about lousy relationships she'll have to write later in life.

You can talk about your own relationships to the extent you think it'll help.


but this is not the problem here. she might or might not feel like this is a referendum on her self-worth. that's a separate issue.

she is also not taking a hint. she doesn't understand what rejection looks like. she doesn't understand how men behave when they are actually interested. she needs to learn that. otherwise she will be reading "signs" of interest for years to come and possibly waste time on men who are not interested in her.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:07     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you should talk to her about it and learn all the dating terms (gaslighting, dry texter, love bombing, future faking). I've had open conversations about these behaviors with my 14 yr old DD in regards to boys and friends. I get the eye roll more often but she listens (or so I think!). I'll say "did you ever hear of the term gaslighting" and she may have or haven't. I'll explain what I've read but more in a light matter of a fact way (and usually when I'm driving and we are just chatting). She already thinks I'm clueless on hip terms so it's not too far fetched these convos. Throwing this out there as an idea in case you'd think your DD would be receptive. Remind her she's the prize and she deserves to be treated better than what's he's doing right now even at a friend level. She may realize this on her own but a little self esteem boosting never hurts. And if you have your own examples from that age of something similar, share it and empathize on how hard it is when you have such feelings towards someone.

Jesus. They are 14-15. Boys this age are just 100% clueless. You act like they are predators.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:05     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.



There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).


I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB

It’s the internet. Are you new here?
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:04     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.



There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).


I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB


but this is not the goal, necessarily. the teen will be provided with information and a framework to understand male behavior. she doesn't need to apply it on the first day. to suggest that mothers should not teach their daughters about dating is insane.


I don't think you need to teacher her about "male behavior" - it is worth emphasizing that his behavior is not a referendum on her worth, and that when someone is behaving in a way that makes you feel bad, it's normal to feel bad, and also that is important information. Because you deserve, and can have, someone who treats you well and makes you feel good. We all deserve that. The sooner she internalizes that message, the fewer autobiographical novels about lousy relationships she'll have to write later in life.

You can talk about your own relationships to the extent you think it'll help.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 13:00     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
This makes me so sad. As a teenager I hung onto hope for dear life for several years with a guy I was crazy over who strung me along. Definitely talk to her about it and keep the communication lines open.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 12:35     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.



There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).


I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB


Yes, because I said something very similar myself when I learned this lesson as a teen.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 12:35     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you should talk to her about it and learn all the dating terms (gaslighting, dry texter, love bombing, future faking). I've had open conversations about these behaviors with my 14 yr old DD in regards to boys and friends. I get the eye roll more often but she listens (or so I think!). I'll say "did you ever hear of the term gaslighting" and she may have or haven't. I'll explain what I've read but more in a light matter of a fact way (and usually when I'm driving and we are just chatting). She already thinks I'm clueless on hip terms so it's not too far fetched these convos. Throwing this out there as an idea in case you'd think your DD would be receptive. Remind her she's the prize and she deserves to be treated better than what's he's doing right now even at a friend level. She may realize this on her own but a little self esteem boosting never hurts. And if you have your own examples from that age of something similar, share it and empathize on how hard it is when you have such feelings towards someone.


This is such sexist garbage. Women are not a prize to be won by men and both men and women can act in healthy or unhealthy ways. Teaching your daughter psychobabble isn't going to lead to her being healthy in a relationship. And boys / men can also decide they don't want to date or be in a relationship and that doesn't make them bad people or bad friends. The idea that if a guy won't date a girl then he is a garbage human is nonsense. Just like if a girl isn't interested or backs off from a guy she isn't a garbage human. You don't build self esteem with false flattery and nonsense about being a prize.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2024 12:33     Subject: I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.



There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).


I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB


but this is not the goal, necessarily. the teen will be provided with information and a framework to understand male behavior. she doesn't need to apply it on the first day. to suggest that mothers should not teach their daughters about dating is insane.