She needs you to be consistent, and stand firm with your rules. She must have limits, we all do. When she gets a job, she can’t be on her phone all day. She clearly needs your help to set limits right now. Of course she will throw articles and convincing arguments in your face, but you do not have to give in and should not - in my opinion.

I know this is a tough one. I put parental controls on my teens phones. One really needed it, one sort of needed it, one not at all. With all, we set certain times when they were allowed to text etc. and stuck to that schedule. No social media at all. Phones sleep at night, and Wi-Fi goes off, limited the time on apps etc. One of my kids I had to take his phone almost all the time bc he did not follow the rules he agreed to. If the teen demonstrates they are not mature enough to handle having a phone, then teen does not get the phone.

I’ve never taken away my 17 year old’s phone and he’s had one since 6th grade. When he was in middle school all devices lived downstairs and never went into bedrooms. Parents included - it was just a family rule.

We’ve also always had times that are screen free - dinner, games, sports, family outings, and annual camping trips without tech.

If I found him using his phone to hurt other people or otherwise use it irresponsibly, I probably would have taken it. The one time we found out he had been stupid with his phone (posted something terribly embarrassing) it turned out to be its own lesson. I just hugged him while he cried. He hasn’t used social media much since.

We have restrictions around phone use. If my kid was navigating around the restrictions, or doing something really inappropriate with the phone, I might take it, but so far that hasn't happened. I wouldn't take the phone as a punishment for something that wasn't phone related, although if my kids weren't responding to other discipline, and I felt like the phone was their currency I could see revisiting that.

If the issue was that my kids were on the phone all the time, then I'd revisit the rules about when they could use the phone. I wouldn't punish them for using the phone within the restrictions I set up.

We take it away about once every 3 or 4 weeks (for about 1 day at a time) as a generic punishment. It works well because it is "currency" for our 15 year old son. But he has HFA and no real friends, so he isn't losing out on texting/snapchat; rather, he is losing out on watching YouTube videos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never. 14 and 16. I used to do screen time limits but honestly both of my kids socialize constantly in person so I don’t feel the need anymore for time limits and the bedtime limit they found a workaround and it just made for a fight.

I do natural consequences and taking the phone for every transgression that has nothing to do with the phone just makes no sense to me. I’ve also never seen it work and seems to make it worse.

So what consequences do you have instead? Especially for lying, sneaking out of house or sneaking into house to make out at 14? And when that behavior is then posted all over Snapchat?

Would taking away a phone really change any of these behaviors? The issue is that your child is making choices that you don't like. Why don't you like them? Discuss those reasons with your child.

In general I think if you’re doing something frequently and the behaviour isn’t changing then you haven’t found the right consequence/intervention.

Another in the camp of not using the phone for punishment. What really strikes me about this post is that OP really seems so dedicated to something that is going to push her daughter away and she seems fine with that outcome. Nothing OP said involved teaching her daughter or helping her manage her time or even seeing if she has a reasonable plan to get her PE work and GS project done. Or setting up activities so there is family time. The post is all about punishing.

Never. For whatever reason (and I don't take any credit for this), my kid (15yo) has been very responsible with his phone and hasn't done anything with it that would merit taking it away. In general he's not terribly interested in his phone.

Anonymous wrote:What article is she sharing that says an 8th grader should have unlimited phone access?

This is a ridiculous and irresponsible idea.

Anonymous wrote:.....and for what reasons? DD keeps complaining that I take it too much.

Isn’t this a weekly post now. Please go search this thread. I don’t take phone and if necessary I will turn off the service as a consequence.

I was about to say never, but my teens phones go into downtime at 9pm and get plugged into charge in the kitchen overnight. So I guess I take it away at 9 every night but that’s just our rule and have never had to take it as a punishment.

I'm in the never camp - we don't do controls and I'm not in the business of snooping on their device. Sometimes I think I should, but then I realize they need to manage that aspect of their life, just like any other.