finally was able to pick up moms ashes and death certs yesterday. (a whole month since she died...!) she and dad can hang out in the basement for a while. went to get a snack and tea after, and the counter guy gave me a free heart-shaped doughnut. i'll pretend that was a gift from mom.

one bank account closed. now that i have the death cert i should be able to get the rest. baby steps...

just to say this was incredibly well written and i appreciate both that and that you articulated what many of us experience. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I feel like it takes a full 12+ months to finish all the administrative BS following a death. I’m sorry Op - I’ve been there.

Just chiming to say that when you get an automated robot answering the phone and you are asked to explain the problem the magic word is bereavement. USAA for example has a bereavement department that is specifically trained to cancel insurance for deceased clients but they need to hear the word Bereavement to connect you. other businesses have a bereavement department. Usually staffed by a nice lady who helps people dealing with deceased parent or spouse affairs all day long.

I tried to cancel my mother's internet when she moved to assisted living. She had the beginning of dementia and couldn't really remember the details of how she set it up. I spend hours trying to cancel it. She had to remember a pin to cancel the account, but she had not idea what her pin was.

Finally I called once and had my brother on speaker and my mother next to me on speaker. The nice guy let us try about 20 PIN numbers when we explained the situation and said we were trying to help our elderly mother. Finally one worked and we were able to cancel it. It was only because we finally spoke to a really nice customer service agent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know how you feel. The never ending tasks made so much harder because of the ridiculous ever changing rules. As I argued with McAffee to cancel my dead father's account the customer service rep insisted that he needed to speak with my father (the dead one) in order to cancel. So in desperation my husband got on the phone said he was my father (the dead one) and stated he wanted his account closed. The customer service rep cheerfully closed the account.

Now that's a "life hack"!

I am receiving the previous tenant’s (she is deceased) Verizon bills. I did the RTS (deceased) thing but it didn’t help. I am debating if I should call pretending to be her and cancel the account!

Doooo it!

And I won’t get in trouble?!

When I got the keys to the mailbox I discovered a huge pile of mail. Management just told me to throw it all in the trash I went with RTS; deceased but omg it keeps coming. Her family (not kids) are in another state I am told.

I have already cancelled her magazine subscriptions (that was weirdly easy, I just needed the name and address to do it online!) and wrote back to a couple of donation soliciting places (using their provided envelopes).

Letter Carrier here. Put YOUR name on the mailbox 'Larla Smith ONLY' so the carrier knows who actually should be getting mail there. Let the USPS return all the other mail. It's what we do. But sometimes we don't know that someone has passed, particularly in apartments/condos. So put your name in the box.

This was me nearly two years ago. It was bad enough that I had to keep telling customer service representatives over and over again that my parents were dead ( just saying the words always made me sob), but some of them were so rude and unhelpful. It's the fu&^ing worst.

Make a to do list and get through it bit by bit when you're able. If I wasn't having a horrible day (and let's be honest, there were a lot of those), I'd force myself to make one phone call. Sometimes I'd be pleasantly surprised (the Comcast lady cried with me) and sometimes I'd come off as a raving lunatic because I couldn't fathom why it was so hard to cancel a phone or credit card or whatever. One day this part will be behind you but until then, stay strong, do your best to take care of yourself, hug your baby. Sending hugs, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Yawn. Welcome to being an adult, OP.

Really? Being an adult means losing your mom when her only grandchild is three, and yawning over it rather than grieving? I guess we found the adult who will eventually die alone, wondering why the people who occasionally change his rancid diapers also shove him when they think no one is looking.

Anonymous wrote:Yawn. Welcome to being an adult, OP.

Also a special place in hell for people who troll the eldercare board.

Yawn. Welcome to being an adult, OP.

I think there is a special place in hell for customer service reps who are incredibly rude and unhelpful to us even after we explain the situation at hand.

When we do encounter a customer service rep who is kind and or particularly conscientious, we should send a complimentary letter to their supervisor. It is like finding water in a desert.

It has happened to me twice recently (with Social Security and Bkue Criss/Blue Shiekd).

Hallelujah!!

My mom died early this year - backstory is we siblings (5 of us) had to sell her longtime home and move her to assisted living when she became seriously ill.

We were a sibling dream team with each of us attending to carefully-discussed checklists and tasks to include ensuring that at no time was our mom alone. You name it, we did it and my siblings each are so capable and competent and hyper organized.

Except that in the midst of all the upheaval, we forgot to change our mom’s address! We didn’t realize this until after she died (suddenly). She let her friends and family know of her change of address and some mail did get forwarded but banking/insurance/retirement/drivers license - all was lost/returned to sender.

We had a near avalanche of a mess to retrieve lost checks, documentation and had to get a tax filing extension!

Huge mess to unravel. TL; dr: CHANGE THE ADDRESS! Forward it to POA!

I'm sorry, OP. I'm going through the same thing now with my mother's estate after she passed in March and simultaneously handling another out of state relative's move to memory care. It's incredibly difficult to manage it all on top of grieving and managing your life and your kids.

When I called Verizon to cancel my deceased mother's phone service, the representative shockingly didn't give me any trouble but did try to sell my mother and me wireless service and then wished me a "happy future with [my] new family." Sometimes you have to laugh or you'll cry.

I’m so sorry, OP. I know what it’s like. It’s excruciating to have to deal with these tasks when you’re already struggling and sad over the death itself. You will get through it and it will get better. Try to sleep and enjoy your kid to let your mind rest for a while. It will get better.