Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has dementia so we’ve been grieving losing her to dementia already and I know when she dies it’ll be a different type of grieving but watching someone age go through health issues and deterioration of their former self is a constant grieving process—it’s like losing someone multiple times over years.

I’m here with you PP. They call dementia The Long Goodbye and it really is that. I’ve been watching my mom deteriorate for several years and my heart just can’t break any more. Her quality of life is so poor, even with the best care money can buy. I’ve already grieved her death and will be happy for her once she’s finally able to be relieved of this current stage of life.

We are also grieving (or really have already grieved) my MIL with dementia. DH was close to his Mom and their relationship is essentially gone. She still knows who we are but really can't follow any kind of conversation. It was hard for the first year or two but its different now. Still sad but the person she was is now already gone so when she passes it will not feel the same. SIL has also expressed similar feelings.

Anonymous wrote:What a waste of emotionally energy.

what is WRONG with you that you would say this? please get help.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has dementia so we’ve been grieving losing her to dementia already and I know when she dies it’ll be a different type of grieving but watching someone age go through health issues and deterioration of their former self is a constant grieving process—it’s like losing someone multiple times over years.

I’m here with you PP. They call dementia The Long Goodbye and it really is that. I’ve been watching my mom deteriorate for several years and my heart just can’t break any more. Her quality of life is so poor, even with the best care money can buy. I’ve already grieved her death and will be happy for her once she’s finally able to be relieved of this current stage of life.

OP, I have the same issue. My 93 yo mom is increasingly physical frail and lives 500 miles away. She is mentally fine so I try to call her every morning on the way to work, and often on the way home. I hear about her day---the various intrigues, joys and frustrations at her senior living community and she hears about mine. We also do a lot of discussing of politics, current events and books. In some ways, I have a more daily "download" with her than I do with my spouse, who is in a really intense phase in his career. So when she goes---which realistically will be in the not too distant future---I will in some ways lose my best friend. The other posters are right---seize the day, call often, visit as much as you can. So that when your parents pass, you will know that you did everything you could.

I feel that way with both my parents and my kids.

With my kids who are now 8 and 10, I always try to spend as much time with them as possible and soak in the fun of being with them.

I have a strained relationship with my parents but still it is nice to know they are healthy and doing fine and I dread the day it’s not the case.

My MIL has dementia so we’ve been grieving losing her to dementia already and I know when she dies it’ll be a different type of grieving but watching someone age go through health issues and deterioration of their former self is a constant grieving process—it’s like losing someone multiple times over years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help OP. That's weird.

Do you realize that’s not encouraging to someone who just expressed grief!
For the sake of your relationship with friends and family, I hope you do.

Grief over… what?

Yes, that is an example of what might have been a more kind question!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help OP. That's weird.

Do you realize that’s not encouraging to someone who just expressed grief!
For the sake of your relationship with friends and family, I hope you do.

Grief over… what?

Anonymous wrote:You need help OP. That's weird.

Do you realize that’s not encouraging to someone who just expressed grief!
For the sake of your relationship with friends and family, I hope you do.