OP back. I am grateful for these thoughtful replies. For clarity, I am not going to seek a diagnose or take medication - I am managing ok. I am just seeking to understand myself a little better and to help my kids should I see similar challenges in them. They are both managing fine outwardly as well but I am keeping a look out. Would be interested in hearing more stories if you have some to share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently got an adhd dx from my family dr but kind of wonder what’s the point- it’s too late to change my life trajectory in my 40s. It’s not like I can go back to college and do well, go to a good grad school, get a good job, do well at that job, make good friends. I was curious about it after going through the process with my middle dc and thought it would give me some closure but then realized it doesn’t really matter. I’m hoping to eke out another 2 years at my job so that my retirement vests, then become a school secretary or something low key.

I would think the point would be to regain your control, focus and productivity.
Your GP can take your Dx and try a stimulant dosage or another. You’d know within days or a couple weeks if you feel more energy, more focus, more productive, can pay attention and conversate better. Food and snacking noise goes away as well.

Not too late for any of that PP. Good luck.

And even if you don’t want to try stimulants yet, just reading up and understanding how your brain works can be really helpful in decreasing the stress and anxiety of everyday life and help understand why somethings are difficult. This is obviously personal, but I like to get a grasp of why I’m capable of some things but not others.

Anonymous wrote:I recently got an adhd dx from my family dr but kind of wonder what’s the point- it’s too late to change my life trajectory in my 40s. It’s not like I can go back to college and do well, go to a good grad school, get a good job, do well at that job, make good friends. I was curious about it after going through the process with my middle dc and thought it would give me some closure but then realized it doesn’t really matter. I’m hoping to eke out another 2 years at my job so that my retirement vests, then become a school secretary or something low key.

I would think the point would be to regain your control, focus and productivity.
Your GP can take your Dx and try a stimulant dosage or another. You’d know within days or a couple weeks if you feel more energy, more focus, more productive, can pay attention and conversate better. Food and snacking noise goes away as well.

Not too late for any of that PP. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all this comes back to the initial question - is this just my personality or am I “neurodivergent” in some way that makes things more challenging for me. I guess if I am just “quirky” and have found ways of coping by my age, then it is what it is. But if my kid is dealing with the same challenges I have had, I would rather them not struggle for 40 years ya know?

well everyone wants to claim they and their high achieving kid going to a top college is neurodivergent these days, so I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.

Um, double no. No one NT is jumping in the ND bandwagon. No family dealing with ND thinks it’s all rainbows and unicorns and 100% positive. It is devastating on friendships and relationships at home, work and personal.

Clearly, people are claiming to be “neurodiverse” for issues in themselves and their kids that would never actually be recognized as a disability in the recent past. I just had a conversation with a relative about this who is considering pursuing an ADHD dx so her DS can keep up with the other kids in his private school (who also have the dx). Meanwhile those of us with kids actually on the bubble wonder about the ramifications of labeling our kids as disabled.

No. That’s not “clearly” happening at all.
Sorry about your friend who thinks adhd will make her kid a better student. Or maybe they really do have that’s why would you know? You dont live with them.

Anyone with eyes can see it’s happening. And my relative literally said they were considering the label to maintain competitive advantages. I think you don’t get how crazy college admissions has made people of a certain class.

Start your own thread on your insecure cousin or whomever somewhere else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all this comes back to the initial question - is this just my personality or am I “neurodivergent” in some way that makes things more challenging for me. I guess if I am just “quirky” and have found ways of coping by my age, then it is what it is. But if my kid is dealing with the same challenges I have had, I would rather them not struggle for 40 years ya know?

well everyone wants to claim they and their high achieving kid going to a top college is neurodivergent these days, so I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.

Um, double no. No one NT is jumping in the ND bandwagon. No family dealing with ND thinks it’s all rainbows and unicorns and 100% positive. It is devastating on friendships and relationships at home, work and personal.

Clearly, people are claiming to be “neurodiverse” for issues in themselves and their kids that would never actually be recognized as a disability in the recent past. I just had a conversation with a relative about this who is considering pursuing an ADHD dx so her DS can keep up with the other kids in his private school (who also have the dx). Meanwhile those of us with kids actually on the bubble wonder about the ramifications of labeling our kids as disabled.

No. That’s not “clearly” happening at all.
Sorry about your friend who thinks adhd will make her kid a better student. Or maybe they really do have that’s why would you know? You dont live with them.

Anyone with eyes can see it’s happening. And my relative literally said they were considering the label to maintain competitive advantages. I think you don’t get how crazy college admissions has made people of a certain class.

I recently got an adhd dx from my family dr but kind of wonder what’s the point- it’s too late to change my life trajectory in my 40s. It’s not like I can go back to college and do well, go to a good grad school, get a good job, do well at that job, make good friends. I was curious about it after going through the process with my middle dc and thought it would give me some closure but then realized it doesn’t really matter. I’m hoping to eke out another 2 years at my job so that my retirement vests, then become a school secretary or something low key.

Anonymous wrote:So all this comes back to the initial question - is this just my personality or am I “neurodivergent” in some way that makes things more challenging for me. I guess if I am just “quirky” and have found ways of coping by my age, then it is what it is. But if my kid is dealing with the same challenges I have had, I would rather them not struggle for 40 years ya know?

See a diagnostician. No one here can diagnose you.

I have a kid with very severe ADHD (like referred for county eval by age 2.5). Learning about it I began to recognize symptoms in myself. I was also gifted growing up but with dyslexia. Turns out a lot of this stuff is comorbid and since girls can better conform to social norms it’s easier for us to mask.

Through the process I also learned my mom had a late in life diagnosis (she was incorrectly diagnosed with anxiety throughout her life but could never find treatment that worked). I also have 2 cousins with ADHD on my maternal side. So yes, I think there is a big genetic component.

One of the fastest growing categories to get diagnosed with ADHD are 30-something moms going through the neuropsych process with their kid since girls didn’t get properly diagnosed when we were young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A neurodevelopmental disorder has to actually clinically impact you. So if you’ve been reasonably successful at school and work, that’s not “masking” - that means you just have normal human struggles. Adult ADHD certainly exists but it’s not “masked.” You see it in people who are always on the edge of getting fired, maybe flunked out of college one or more times, cannot run their personal lives at all.

No that’s not true.

Deficiencies, impairments do effect the adhd adult.

The result is the untreated adhd adult shut down or avoids many activities so as to avoid the confusion, disappointment, questions, etc.

Avoiding new activities or social gatherings, etc does not mean they do not have an ND, it means their coping method is to not do many things. Keep things very simple. Always.

They hit “overwhelm” very early on versus an NT person.

By definition - if you are actually clinically impaired and it impacts your life, sure, you may have adhd or autism. but if you just don’t like crowded parties but have 1:1 friends, reasonably successful at work, etc, you are not disabled.

Stop your fixation and semantics.

You can have a couple “friends”, not like crowded parties, and be “reasonably successful” at work and still be chronically forgetful, negligent, unfocused, avoidant, mindblind, impulsive, tired, messy, late, hyper, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all this comes back to the initial question - is this just my personality or am I “neurodivergent” in some way that makes things more challenging for me. I guess if I am just “quirky” and have found ways of coping by my age, then it is what it is. But if my kid is dealing with the same challenges I have had, I would rather them not struggle for 40 years ya know?

well everyone wants to claim they and their high achieving kid going to a top college is neurodivergent these days, so I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.

Um, double no. No one NT is jumping in the ND bandwagon. No family dealing with ND thinks it’s all rainbows and unicorns and 100% positive. It is devastating on friendships and relationships at home, work and personal.

Clearly, people are claiming to be “neurodiverse” for issues in themselves and their kids that would never actually be recognized as a disability in the recent past. I just had a conversation with a relative about this who is considering pursuing an ADHD dx so her DS can keep up with the other kids in his private school (who also have the dx). Meanwhile those of us with kids actually on the bubble wonder about the ramifications of labeling our kids as disabled.

No. That’s not “clearly” happening at all.
Sorry about your friend who thinks adhd will make her kid a better student. Or maybe they really do have that’s why would you know? You dont live with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A neurodevelopmental disorder has to actually clinically impact you. So if you’ve been reasonably successful at school and work, that’s not “masking” - that means you just have normal human struggles. Adult ADHD certainly exists but it’s not “masked.” You see it in people who are always on the edge of getting fired, maybe flunked out of college one or more times, cannot run their personal lives at all.

No that’s not true.

Deficiencies, impairments do effect the adhd adult.

The result is the untreated adhd adult shut down or avoids many activities so as to avoid the confusion, disappointment, questions, etc.

Avoiding new activities or social gatherings, etc does not mean they do not have an ND, it means their coping method is to not do many things. Keep things very simple. Always.

They hit “overwhelm” very early on versus an NT person.

By definition - if you are actually clinically impaired and it impacts your life, sure, you may have adhd or autism. but if you just don’t like crowded parties but have 1:1 friends, reasonably successful at work, etc, you are not disabled.