Team DH. Let the poor man sleep. Surely you can figure this out and not resent him. You sound controlling.

I cherish this time with my kids, but we are sort of in limbo waiting on his naps, and want him included. We are busy at home and rarely get this sort of quality time. The kids wish he didn’t have to nap.

The idea of a grown up woman and 11 and 13 year olds who cannot come up with something they want to do by themselves for two hours, whether it's in a beach town, a resort or a city they are visiting, and grumpily hang around 'in a limbo' counting minutes of dad's naps is a seventh circle of hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to nap every day, but nor do I want to go-go-go all day, every day of my vacation. I want some downtime each day. At your kids' ages they should be capable of entertaining themselves with a book or other quiet activity for an hour to two at your hotel. Some people enjoy relaxing on their vacation.

I think you are likely right and am guessing that OP and her husband have different vacation styles.

Yeah, this sounds less like a medical issue and more like a clash of vacation styles. People who want to go-go-go always think the people who want to do things like sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, or take afternoon naps are lazy and “wasting” the trip.

OP you need to focus less on your DH. If he wants to take a nap, that’s okay. Keep going. You certainly don’t all sit around and wait for him. You also get solo time on vacation. Figure out when you want it and ask for it.

You can’t get this hung up on other adults doing something you think is annoying or selfish. It’s in the bounds of reasonable. Don’t make yourself a martyr. Let him go nap, and plan your own solo time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

An 11 is old enough to quietly occupy themselves.

This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

Sounds like you are mega busy at home, and also want to be mega busy on vacation. Are you a workaholic? I dont get these people who dont allow any relaxing on vacation. I love napping on vacation too, I don't want to spend 24/7 with my family.

Also big lol/yea right to the kids not wanting dad to nap. I dont buy that at all, more than likely theyre tired of mom complaining about it if anything.

If you want breaks, build in breaks for yourself. Tell him it's going to be 1:1 equal time, so if he only wants to be alone with the kids for an hour, he only gets an hour nap.

That said, yes people should be allowed to rest and relax on VACATION. I hate the go-go-go-go "or it's a waste" types. I go-go-go-go every damn day. I want to relax. The point is to work together to find some middle ground, where everyone is getting some activities and some fun and some family time, and everyone is getting some time to relax or do what they want to do.

I'm surprised at how many husbands there are that do this. My DH is a terrible sleeper (would love to stay up all night and sleep all day), but even he doesn't nap like this. I do make sure that we have some planned downtime depending on the length of vacation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should be old enough to do something independently. No? I'd get it if they were little, but how "on" do you need to be for kids that age? Why can't you get time to yourself as well, if you want it?

Well, I’m open to suggestions. The pool won’t allow kids under 14 to swim unsupervised, so I have to be there. I’m also not just sending my 11 and newly 13yo out into an unfamiliar city. So I guess I also have to go?

Can you find a pretty spot to relax and read a book? My kids are younger than yours and we like to have quiet family reading time. Or have a little 4 pm happy hour (kids get mocktails) and app to tide you over to dinner. This could also be the time where you start showers/getting ready for the evening.

My DH does this. Honestly as the kids have gotten older we often leave him at home and go on vacation without him. He can nap at home. No one wants to wait for him to get up

My DH has always had sleep issues (insomnia issues and probably has apnea also- refuses to seek any treatment) and has no predictable sleep schedule- especially on vacation. He could be asleep or awake any time within a 24hr period, really. One day mine will sleep from 7pm-3am then be up for the day, nap in the afternoon. Another day he will be up until midnight or something, up at 6am but then sleep all afternoon. It is exasperating. We deal with this at home also.

I just plan whatever the kids and I want to do and he can join, or not. If he is still sleeping in the AM we leave without him, if he is sleeping at 6pm we leave for dinner without him, if he is tired and wants to go back to the hotel during the day- fine, whatever. He can go and we will be back later. And yes 13 and 11 is still a bit young to be doing things on their own in a strange place- and sitting in the room playing on phones etc while DH naps is a waste.

I feel for you. Day in and day out, this gets annoying. It is about a lot more than wanting the occasional nap. Clearly there is a sleep disorder or health issue as a healthy adult should not need naps every day (provided they slept an adequate amount the night before).

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to nap every day, but nor do I want to go-go-go all day, every day of my vacation. I want some downtime each day. At your kids' ages they should be capable of entertaining themselves with a book or other quiet activity for an hour to two at your hotel. Some people enjoy relaxing on their vacation.

I think you are likely right and am guessing that OP and her husband have different vacation styles.

What do your kids want, OP? Would they rather do something with you or have a couple of hours of down time while your husband has a nap?

I'm not one to tell people to cherish every moment, so if what your kids want isn't something that appeals to you, fine, but if they want to do something with you and you just feel bad that your husband is missing it, carry on. He made his choice.

Your kids may stop wanting to hand out with you in the next few years, and they're leaving for college sooner than you think. So if there's a chance to spend time with them, grab it.

And stop thinking about activities in terms of THIS IS VACATION AND WE MUST SUCK MAXIMUM ENJOYMENT OUT OF EACH MOMENT. At this point, vacation is a sunk cost. So if your kids want to go to a matinee every day, do that. If they want to wander around and get ice cream, do that, even if it spoils their dinner. Just make Daddy's Naptime a time when you get to be the fun parent.