MYOB. Stop looking for innocent things to hate.

This is funny because I’m from a family that went girl, girl, girl, boy. My parents were always open that their plan was to keep trying til they got a boy. We didn’t really take it personally because it just meant they wanted to have at least one of each. And my brother was by far the worst behaved so we definitely did not feel less loved as the girls in the family. Ha!

I thought reputable IVF clinics don’t allow gender selection. Is that no longer true?

I know a lot of families with three boys. You know they would have stopped at two if one was a girl.

I don't know that it's really that different from I want X number of kids. Reason being, most people aiming for 2 kids in no way are having a 3rd or 4th for a certain gender. Those willing to do so were already open to a larger family.

But what if someone wants 2 and can't have them? Then moves mountains to do so? Many find that more socially acceptable than this situation but it's really no different.

Anonymous wrote:Ironically one of each is the worst for the kids and family unit over time. I’ve seen studies on it. One boy/one girl siblings tend not to stay close into adulthood.

That may be but in my personal experience (including my own siblings/family and my spouses’ and my own kids as well as many friends, neighbors, etc) whether or not siblings are close in adulthood is more about personality than sex/gender. My husband and his brother have never been close, my own 2 brothers have never been close to each other but they each are close w me (their sister), my mom and her sister aren’t close, my MIL and her sister fought so much and were really vicious to each other at times but closeness came on and off too but they were never BFFs. Meanwhile my son and daughter are very close, I’m close w my both my opposite sex siblings, I could go on…

I think a lot of time same sex siblings don’t get along bc they are more competitive w each other than opposite sex siblings. Also many boys/men arent good at maintaining close emotional relationships especially if they live far apart whereas women tend to be better about keeping up communication despite distance. So male siblings often aren’t close in adulthood unless they have a female sibling/sister to keep them connected. I know this sounds very prejudiced but it’s just what I’ve seen personally. And female siblings/sisters are often very competitive w each other and can be high drama (as w my MIL and her sister) whereas male-female siblings typically seem less dramatic and more even keeled.

My husband is here because 50 years ago his mom had 2 boys and tried “just one last time” for a girl.

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Anonymous wrote:I've seen this crazy in both directions. It will sound weird to say, but at least when they're chasing a girl it's usually the mom's choice to go through another pregnancy. When the dad is cursing and breaking things at a gender reveal because it's another girl, you just know that uterus is in for another go whether she wants it or not.

I have three girls but hoped for a boy at some point. Obviously I love all my children and am so so so glad they are who they are! Everyone I know who did IVF either chose their children’s gender or lamented they couldn’t choose because all the viable eggs were one gender. Gender disappointment is normal but the vast majority of people realize the minute their child is born is that they have the child they were meant to have + immense gratitude.

Nice to meet you. Currently pregnant with IVF, opted not to find out the gender before implantation, still don't know and won't find out until birth. Will be happy either way (currently have one daughter).

We opted to be surprised, too.

Ok…well this is an anonymous forum, so not quite. And if you ask the IVF clinic you use I’m sure they will tell you that you are outliers. The fact is that most people wouldn’t go through IVF to choose their children’s gender but my husband’s good friend just announced to him that he was having a girl and literally yelled into the phone “we chose that shit.” My eldest daughter’s best friend’s parents chose there three kids genders. Another of my mom friend’s is sad that they only had viable male embryos. In the context of knowing a lot of people who are open about choosing their children’s gender through IVF it’s easy to see why if given the option people would choose. And in my own life I know someone who was sad that despite going through IVF she didn’t have that option. It’s very common for people to want children of both genders. The Torah literally tells parents to keep having children until they have one of each gender. It’s baked into a lot of cultures. There is no reason to pathologize.

I had an embryo transfer today and do not know the gender! I will find out early in the potential pregnancy as I will be highly monitored. But yeah some people are just infertile and need IVF for that reason, not because they need to control every aspect of their life.

Fingers crossed for you! Take it easy and enjoy some cozy rest!

Anonymous wrote:My cousin has 3 boys. She was basically crying and angry about having boys. “We will keep trying until I get a girl.” She said this in front of one of her boys. I felt bad for him. She might as well say “I don’t want you. You aren’t good enough.” I don’t get it.

I know a couple whose husband said the same thing except it was for boys. After three girls she told him that was enough and she would gladly give him a divorce but she wasn't having any more children.

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Anonymous wrote:I've seen this crazy in both directions. It will sound weird to say, but at least when they're chasing a girl it's usually the mom's choice to go through another pregnancy. When the dad is cursing and breaking things at a gender reveal because it's another girl, you just know that uterus is in for another go whether she wants it or not.

I have three girls but hoped for a boy at some point. Obviously I love all my children and am so so so glad they are who they are! Everyone I know who did IVF either chose their children’s gender or lamented they couldn’t choose because all the viable eggs were one gender. Gender disappointment is normal but the vast majority of people realize the minute their child is born is that they have the child they were meant to have + immense gratitude.

Nice to meet you. Currently pregnant with IVF, opted not to find out the gender before implantation, still don't know and won't find out until birth. Will be happy either way (currently have one daughter).

We opted to be surprised, too.

Ok…well this is an anonymous forum, so not quite. And if you ask the IVF clinic you use I’m sure they will tell you that you are outliers. The fact is that most people wouldn’t go through IVF to choose their children’s gender but my husband’s good friend just announced to him that he was having a girl and literally yelled into the phone “we chose that shit.” My eldest daughter’s best friend’s parents chose there three kids genders. Another of my mom friend’s is sad that they only had viable male embryos. In the context of knowing a lot of people who are open about choosing their children’s gender through IVF it’s easy to see why if given the option people would choose. And in my own life I know someone who was sad that despite going through IVF she didn’t have that option. It’s very common for people to want children of both genders. The Torah literally tells parents to keep having children until they have one of each gender. It’s baked into a lot of cultures. There is no reason to pathologize.

I had an embryo transfer today and do not know the gender! I will find out early in the potential pregnancy as I will be highly monitored. But yeah some people are just infertile and need IVF for that reason, not because they need to control every aspect of their life.

Anonymous wrote:I know a family like that and so far has 5 sons. Really cuckoo. Wonder at what number the mother will give up.

My mother was like that but wanted a boy to spoil. Instead she got two daughters who she was competitive and neglectful with.

At that point it would be much cheaper to do IVF with gender selection

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Anonymous wrote:Ironically one of each is the worst for the kids and family unit over time. I’ve seen studies on it. One boy/one girl siblings tend not to stay close into adulthood.

This can easily be observed in everyday life.

+1 this was a big part of our choice to go with a girl embryo on our second round of IVF (first was a surprise - embryo picked by the lab - and a girl). And yes I know some of you are very close to your male sibling blah blah blah but what I’ve observed more often matches what these PPs said.

Sometimes you end up with twins though. I’ve seen it.

I don’t think this is that uncommon. I feel like I know several people who went for one more because they wanted to opposite sex. I think your cousin is lucky though. Three boys is so much fun, and I think it’s likely her boys will have a really special brother bond. I know a lot of 3 boy families that look like so much fun to be a part of, and the brothers all seem very bonded even in adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:We tried that but had to stop for medical reasons. We have only sone, no daughters.

Not uncommon. Not sure why you think it's remarkable.

It’s remarkable because we talking about actual people. If your goal was to have unlimited children then fine. If you wanted one boy and one girl but now have three boys and are pregnant again trying for that girl then that’s a huge problem.