Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, both our kids are in college and it's awesome. We love them to pieces, love seeing them when they come home on breaks, but it is glorious when they're at school. We take weekend trips, we putz around, we order out. Your time will come OP. Plus,you must've had many years in your 20s and 30s to enjoy freedom.

OP here good to hear that you are enjoying your time. I was caring for children in my 20s and 30s too.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, both our kids are in college and it's awesome. We love them to pieces, love seeing them when they come home on breaks, but it is glorious when they're at school. We take weekend trips, we putz around, we order out. Your time will come OP. Plus,you must've had many years in your 20s and 30s to enjoy freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends my age are empty nesters or will be in 3-4 years. I really truly love my kids i had my last one late when I was in late thirties and the thought of doing this till my late 50s seems daunting while other friends enjoy freedom to do what they want. Again I love my children and would put their wellbeing and needs above and beyond any of these feelings I have. I was eldest in my family and helped raise my siblings as well. I feel most of my life has been consumed by taking care of children and family.

Please no mean comments that I knew what I was getting into or the choices I made or I am complaining.

I would like to know how other parents who are in similar situation deal with it. I have a strong passion and calling that I would like to pursue but cant until my youngest goes to college and I feel that would be too late and I will not have enough energy by then.I cant disclose more about my calling as it would reveal my identity. But I cant pursue it until I am mostly done with my responsibilities.

OP, don’t assume the bolded. If your passion involves foreign travel, spend these years getting/keeping yourself physically fit and healthy. Read up on people who have done what you want to do late in life — there are some amazing stories of people who have done great things in the second half of their life. We were older parents too. My DH is 63 and has as much energy as he did in his 40s, because we stay active (nothing crazy, just hiking, stretching, weights).

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I would caution anyone about having a whole empty nester fantasy where you are going to fulfill all of your long delayed life dreams etc. We are a couple in our late 50s who finally got everyone launched only to be hit with the whammy of widowed elderly mother with dementia times two. We now worry about traveling particularly abroad due to leaving the elderly person or having to cancel expensive plans due to a health crisis etc. If you really want to do something try to make it happen sooner rather than later because the empty nest is not always all it is cracked up to be.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I would caution anyone about having a whole empty nester fantasy where you are going to fulfill all of your long delayed life dreams etc. We are a couple in our late 50s who finally got everyone launched only to be hit with the whammy of widowed elderly mother with dementia times two. We now worry about traveling particularly abroad due to leaving the elderly person or having to cancel expensive plans due to a health crisis etc. If you really want to do something try to make it happen sooner rather than later because the empty nest is not always all it is cracked up to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to lie -- being an empty nester is great. I'm 52 and have earned this time.

I don't understand the people who say they're "sad." This is exactly what's supposed to happen -- you raise your children right and they go into the world and you get your time back. But it's up to YOU to make that time of it what you will. Pining for your children is just kind of pathetic.

That doesn't help OP, though. I don't know what to tell you, OP, since you don't want to be told you knew what you were getting into. I might have said we envied you when you were still unencumbered in your 30s, but it sounds like maybe you have big age gaps in children.

The one thing I CAN say is don't make your children the center of your life -- that is a HUGE mistake. Make your spousal relationship the center. And make sure the kids know they come second to that. And be sure to nurture your own interests. It's not clear to me why you have to defer your passion until your kid is in college.

What a total nightmare to have a parent like this. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends my age are empty nesters or will be in 3-4 years. I really truly love my kids i had my last one late when I was in late thirties and the thought of doing this till my late 50s seems daunting while other friends enjoy freedom to do what they want. Again I love my children and would put their wellbeing and needs above and beyond any of these feelings I have. I was eldest in my family and helped raise my siblings as well. I feel most of my life has been consumed by taking care of children and family.

Please no mean comments that I knew what I was getting into or the choices I made or I am complaining.

I would like to know how other parents who are in similar situation deal with it. I have a strong passion and calling that I would like to pursue but cant until my youngest goes to college and I feel that would be too late and I will not have enough energy by then.I cant disclose more about my calling as it would reveal my identity. But I cant pursue it until I am mostly done with my responsibilities.

Anonymous wrote:Before you hit mesopause or midlife crisis, your kids should be done with undergrad.

Anonymous wrote:It what is for you but people with experience should give young folks truth so they make informed decisions. Best window is 27-34. Pop in one or two and be done. Kids are precious but take a toll on your physical, mental, marital, professional and financial health.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to lie -- being an empty nester is great. I'm 52 and have earned this time.

I don't understand the people who say they're "sad." This is exactly what's supposed to happen -- you raise your children right and they go into the world and you get your time back. But it's up to YOU to make that time of it what you will. Pining for your children is just kind of pathetic.

That doesn't help OP, though. I don't know what to tell you, OP, since you don't want to be told you knew what you were getting into. I might have said we envied you when you were still unencumbered in your 30s, but it sounds like maybe you have big age gaps in children.

The one thing I CAN say is don't make your children the center of your life -- that is a HUGE mistake. Make your spousal relationship the center. And make sure the kids know they come second to that. And be sure to nurture your own interests. It's not clear to me why you have to defer your passion until your kid is in college.

What you're missing, PP, is that everyone is different. Some people love their children way more than their spouses. Some of us love spending time with our children, and miss them when they're gone. It's not like we can just snap our brains out of our skulls and exchange it for another that magically makes us not think like this! I mean, this is why we had kids in the first place! Not because it's what society expected of us, but because we love children, and wanted our own! And we all understand that after a while, it will be the new normal to be kid-free and just see our adult children occasionally. We will make a new life and it will be happy. But please don't scoff when child-centric parents take a little time to mourn their old child-centric life.

So you want to keep the judgment toned down.

No, I don't think I will. You need to hear this hard truth because your selfish outlook on this will cripple your children if you're not careful.

Making the children the focus of the family is a terrible model and often leads to divorce.

So, no, I won't "tone down" the judgment. Because I'm right. That's just all there is to it.