Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 09:39     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
If the friend is a rich snob, it might have been embarrassing.

Not being able to afford something and not thinking something is worth it are different.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 09:12     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.


I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.


Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.


PP. my son is exactly the same. He considers the cost of things even when making very minor purchases (food).

My 19 year old daughter is a different story.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 09:03     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills


Ding,ding,ding!!
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 08:56     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
It's not a big deal. I generally frame it as not being willing to pay for something vs. it being expensive, because DS will come back and argue that we can afford it (usually yes, because it is generally something that costs $30-$60, but that does not mean we waste money).
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 07:48     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
No, sorry Larla, we aren’t going to climb Upton on a random Thursday. How about mini golf there? You were fine.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 07:20     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:She’s 14. You could sneeze and it would be a faux pas


This.

Talk to your daughter and hear her out so she feels like she can come to you. But don’t stew over what you said—perfectly normal thing to say.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 07:11     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
You do nothing wrong, teens are embarrassed by everything parents do
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 06:27     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.


I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.


Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.


My kids are the same, and I'm glad.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 06:13     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
You were 100% fine, OP!
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 06:00     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills


Good idea! Better yet, make her start babysitting to actually earn the money.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:37     Subject: Re:Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Are you actually poor? If so then I see why she would be sensitive (but either way you of course did nothing wrong).

If you are not poor, this is a teaching opportunity, because she should not be sensitive about the issue if you are middle or upper class. Tell her there are kids starving all over the world and she needs to get some perspective.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:36     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
You did nothing wrong. Teens are hypersensitive to this kind of stuff. Knowing that she is this sensitive though, I wouldn't make such comments in the future around her peers, because even if they don't care apparently your DD really cares.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:36     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:31     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re fine.

Also 14 year olds are weirdos who literally don’t want the other kids to even know they have parents, so she’ll be hissing at you about how embarrassing you are for a year or two more. Was discussing this with my husband today as our youngest is 14 and in this phase. His 16 year old brother is finally out of it.


I could have written this. My 16 year old son is much better now. Everything I say, do, wear or any look on my face is embarrassing to my middle school daughter. I don’t think you said anything wrong. You can’t do anything right at this age.


Ha! I tease my 14 y/o daughter that she wants to pretend that she has no parents and simply appeared on the earth
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2024 20:26     Subject: Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.


I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.


Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.