Anonymous wrote:What if you are severely depressed and have given up on yourself? Isn’t it better to remove yourself from the family unit.

Stop it. You’re a grown up. Don’t tell us you need to abandon your family and responsibilities to “work” on yourself. That is a cop out.
Own your issues and refund your purpose in life as a parent and spouse and family member and friend. Don’t blow up the lives of everyone around you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you are severely depressed and have given up on yourself? Isn’t it better to remove yourself from the family unit.

No, it’s time to grow up and be an adult. Get your depression treated, get in therapy, etc.

You think I haven’t been doing that? On meds for over 30 years. Meds have changed over time. Currently going to a therapist. Maybe some people can’t be “fixed.”

My spouse says they cannot enjoy the twilight of their life due to my depression, no desire for sex or being touched and lack of wanting to do anything in general.

Anonymous wrote:My happiness never is more important than my kids happiness.

FFS , what is wrong with you people?

This. Being a parent always requires sacrifice. Now sometimes there is a lot of correlation in that it’s darn hard for a kid to be happy if the mom is in an abusive situation, but you are kidding yourself that your kids will benefit if you wake up one day not feeling “fulfilled” by your spouse and deserve to be “happy” so you just leave. You fight for your marriage first before bi-bopping off to search for personal happiness.

Op run and become one of the many fifty plus single women on these boards who thought they would be happy if only they dumped their husband and put themselves front and center. Go for it, I hope your husband and children find their happiness when you are gone. Go be selfish.

What does this question even mean? Your kids well-being is important - but this doesn’t mean they’ll always be happy. Are you living the life you want to model for your kids? Living in alignment and integrity? Don’t foist your adult decisions onto your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always. If you aren't happy, get out. Your kids will know that you're unhappy, you won't be as good of a parent, and they will wish you were happy.

Signed,
A child of divorce who was so happy when my parents finally divorced because they were both miserable in the marriage

What if your parents spent very little time being married but are doting parents would that have been ok? We have separate bedrooms and social lives. We don't really interact outside of breakfast and dinner. We are happiest this way. And since we hardly see each other, it's naturally low conflict.

Your children are learning by example that this is what a “healthy” relationship looks like.

I think it's best kids can learn that there's no one way to have a "healthy" relationship. Rigid thinking is the root of a lot of unhappiness.

Anonymous wrote:What if you are severely depressed and have given up on yourself? Isn’t it better to remove yourself from the family unit.

No, it’s time to grow up and be an adult. Get your depression treated, get in therapy, etc.

I grew up with parents who bickered and fought constantly. I wish they would have divorced instead of putting me in the middle and having them make digs at each other to me.

As a parent now, I don’t think staying together “for the kids” is doing them any favors for their mental health or modeling positive relationships. Staying together does have the benefit of providing more resources for your kids financially and having parents more available for activities, car pooling, etc.

What if you are severely depressed and have given up on yourself? Isn’t it better to remove yourself from the family unit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always. If you aren't happy, get out. Your kids will know that you're unhappy, you won't be as good of a parent, and they will wish you were happy.

Signed,
A child of divorce who was so happy when my parents finally divorced because they were both miserable in the marriage

What if your parents spent very little time being married but are doting parents would that have been ok? We have separate bedrooms and social lives. We don't really interact outside of breakfast and dinner. We are happiest this way. And since we hardly see each other, it's naturally low conflict.

Your children are learning by example that this is what a “healthy” relationship looks like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the moment they are born, you should always put yourself first. Your kids will be happy when you are happy.

That's not true. If you have a kid who thrives on being social and you're happiest at home with a book every day, your kid will not be happy. If you're a simple eater who somehow birthed a foodie, as the adult you control the food and your kid will not be happy eating the same simple 7 dinners over and over. There are a million examples.

. This

There has to be a balance between everyone's happiness in a family but since parents are the one who decided to be together and procreate together, they have the legal and ethical responsibility to make things work for them. However, sometimes its just not possible, in that case aim should be to put egos aside and find ways to do healthy co-parenting.

If there’s serious issues likes abuse, it’s no question. You need to protect yourself and your kids.

If it’s minor issues, try marriage counseling, date nights etc.

If you’re both unhappy or already in a “silent divorce,” the kids will know and/or think that’s what marriage should look like which isn’t good. Better to have two happy loving parents who demonstrate self respect and care than stay together miserable and not as your best self.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the moment they are born, you should always put yourself first. Your kids will be happy when you are happy.

That's not true. If you have a kid who thrives on being social and you're happiest at home with a book every day, your kid will not be happy. If you're a simple eater who somehow birthed a foodie, as the adult you control the food and your kid will not be happy eating the same simple 7 dinners over and over. There are a million examples.

It's absolutely true. There have been tons of studies/articles that have shown that children are happier when mom is happy:

https://www.livescience.com/13541-happiness-survey-moms-children.html
https://ifstudies.org/blog/moms-happiness-and-family-well-being
https://www.mother.ly/life/happiness-can-be-contagious-the-scientific-benefits-of-happy-mothers-on-their-families/

Total bull....There we go again just because women file for divorce 70% of the time they are always right give me a break..

Signed dad with full custody of his 3 kids

Exactly. Ashley Madison is full of these women who selfishly live and die by the “if I’m happy my kids will be happy” while ultimately it’s about THEM. Then they blow up the family and the kids are effed up forevermore. All fir some rando D.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the moment they are born, you should always put yourself first. Your kids will be happy when you are happy.

That's not true. If you have a kid who thrives on being social and you're happiest at home with a book every day, your kid will not be happy. If you're a simple eater who somehow birthed a foodie, as the adult you control the food and your kid will not be happy eating the same simple 7 dinners over and over. There are a million examples.

It's absolutely true. There have been tons of studies/articles that have shown that children are happier when mom is happy:

https://www.livescience.com/13541-happiness-survey-moms-children.html
https://ifstudies.org/blog/moms-happiness-and-family-well-being
https://www.mother.ly/life/happiness-can-be-contagious-the-scientific-benefits-of-happy-mothers-on-their-families/

Total bull....There we go again just because women file for divorce 70% of the time they are always right give me a break..

Signed dad with full custody of his 3 kids