Anonymous wrote:An elderly relative who is in poor health has named me as estate executor. I also, if they become mentally unfit, will have power of attorney. I have been made privy to the will, which will leave about $100k to my DC. There are no strings attached, no restrictions on when the money can be accessed. My teen is struggling with anxiety now and making very poor decisions.

It took nearly 2 years to find a therapist for this child. The therapist recently told my child — in the grand scheme of things that grades don’t matter. Unfortunately my child has used that to basically stop doing any work for school. There are no known drug issues — just a desire to drop out of anything they do not want to do. The idea of a 16yo who wants to drop out of high school having unrestricted access to $100k is a scary thought.

The relative is in Michigan and has several health issues. He does not want to make changes because he feels it is a hassle. He is in Michigan, we are in Virginia.

I’m guessing that as executor I have no authority to create a trust to put this forthcoming inheritance in. I also assume that I can do nothing as the minor’s parent. I know all bets are off if they inherit at 18y.

Advice?

My relative has been hospitalized twice this year. He may not make it to the end of the year, but his mother went back and forth with illness until she was 100, so who knows how long he has. I hope he’s around and can enjoy life a bit more, but he tells me not to plan on it (he has congestive heart and lung issues). I’d rather he spent his last penny before he dies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, stop with the idea that you will/should financially manage - what will be, an adult.

In 2 years from now. A short amount of time.

Seriously? Your will just hands the inheritance over to your kids in a lump sum, no matter what age they are?

My kids are level-headed and not at all materialistic, and they'll still get percentages on milestone birthdays.

Np, why is the kid not allowed to make mistakes? Maybe dc wil surprise op and see it as a new beginning. If no strings attached why attach strings?

Just like you don't turn your 5 yo loose with the push lawn mower, without any supervision, simply because "They want to". You don't just "let them learn". The consequences could be major and bad. Instead, you guide them, teach them and give them appropriate tasks in the yard and let them use the push mower with you assisting, until you are 100% certain they are capable of it.


But a 16-18 yo who refuses to complete HS, is in therapy and not learning to help themselves from this therapy, hell no. Any major therapist would tell you that giving them 100K would be a bad idea.

At some point you have to put trust in your child not just therapists and trusts.
I guess if the child really wants to self destruct you have bigger problems than blowing through 100k.

Anonymous wrote:You are borrowing trouble. Your kid is getting an inheritance and you are stressing about it? Worry about climate change or something...

Anonymous wrote:I will gently suggest that you sound like a parent pushing the child into too many activities and are overbearing.

Let your kid drop out of all non-school activities, don't buy your child a car, and do not engage in controlling behavior. This has not worked well for many parents I know. All have ended up with adult kids moving far away from their parents, and kids end up being adults and potheads and rebel, rebelling all the time, saying this is what they want to do. It is not easy to do, but have your kid fail school. It will teach your child so much more than hiring tutors and throwing tantrums yourself.

You might not be doing this, but it sounds like you might be doing it.

The next thing you know is you are having a drop out of everything child. Your child is not doing drugs that you know of. Stop controlling your child as you are trying to control your relative. You are doing more harm in the long run.

This has no bearing on the money; you should do as you think is right for any money until the child is 18.

Anonymous wrote:If you teenager is underage, the money should be placed in an account for the child with someone else having control over the account. You should petition to be appointed as guardian of the child's estate until they turn 18 and then take care of the money as appropriate. Anything you do will need approval from the Court, but it's much better than just handing $100,000 to a teenager. It's going to affect their college admission financial aid, so you will want to get some advice about how to best handle that. The court might approve a trust until they're 25 in order to ensure that they have appropriate financial aid for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, stop with the idea that you will/should financially manage - what will be, an adult.

In 2 years from now. A short amount of time.

Seriously? Your will just hands the inheritance over to your kids in a lump sum, no matter what age they are?

My kids are level-headed and not at all materialistic, and they'll still get percentages on milestone birthdays.

Np, why is the kid not allowed to make mistakes? Maybe dc wil surprise op and see it as a new beginning. If no strings attached why attach strings?

Just like you don't turn your 5 yo loose with the push lawn mower, without any supervision, simply because "They want to". You don't just "let them learn". The consequences could be major and bad. Instead, you guide them, teach them and give them appropriate tasks in the yard and let them use the push mower with you assisting, until you are 100% certain they are capable of it.


But a 16-18 yo who refuses to complete HS, is in therapy and not learning to help themselves from this therapy, hell no. Any major therapist would tell you that giving them 100K would be a bad idea.