Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 20:03     Subject: Endless therapy
Well, that’s what you pay people for, to help you deal with your spouse.

I hope instantly and magically improve.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 19:43     Subject: Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:Women love therapy because they love to talk. So any opportunity to keep yapping they will sign up.


Without being so crude, I think you can say that different people handle things differently and different genders have different approaches.

My wife talks about therapy, and if she wants to go she should. Then she says I should go, and I tell her I already know what's wrong with me, thanks.

Seriously, my life is not perfect, but I feel like I have a pretty good handle on why. I don't see the point in explaining it to someone else, I already dwell on the reasons and do my best to address them.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 18:04     Subject: Endless therapy
Yea, my ex-wife had severe (untreated and under estimated) mental health diagnoses.

She refused to listen to me. She refused
to explore the complex treatment her personality disorder and condition required. That was the final straw. A good lawyer in Fairfax helped me get the kids and maintain them in a safe environment. I was awarded custody and she was required to moved out.

It took months of me documenting (digitally, video etc), but the judge could not deny that I was the better choice to parent the children. I had to prove that the kids were in the same room, which was tricky but unfortunately true.

I wish I would have taken action sooner.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2024 16:28     Subject: Endless therapy
Therapy is good if you need your spouse to take meds. My house was calmer once she added a prescription to her existing ones. Therapist supported that conversation with her doctor
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 21:04     Subject: Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been doing couple and individual therapy and they behave been helpful. However DW I believe has developed some sort of obsession with therapy. The smallest disagreement or dispute it's let's go to therapy. It is starting to feel like a subscription to be honest. The latest event was us disagreeing about where we should go for our next vacation and she got upset during the discussion and you guessed it yet another therapy session. We have been married 12 years and it's always therapy therapy therapy...I have reached the point where the hearing the word from her stresses the hell out of me.....

Is therapy supposed to be like a subscription in perpetuity?


This is something you should discuss together in therapy. All of it. Therapy doesn’t “work” if you don’t bring your real thoughts and feelings. A few issues I see from what you wrote:

1) you say you yes her to death to avoid conflict; this is a YOU problem. If you have a therapist he or she will tell you that’s not a way to have authentic communication, boundaries, or conflict resolution. You need to learn how to talk to your wife about what matters to YOU.

2) clearly it matters to you that she wants to go to therapy. Buddy, open your mouth and say so in therapy. Talk with the therapist about how this makes you feel. Talk with your wife. Find out how she feels. Learn how to talk with her about her feelings.

3) You mention constant negativity. That’s something you should bring up in therapy. Maybe your wife needs more support, or maybe she’s going through something and needs medical care — like meds. You need to open your mouth and tell her how her chronic disregulation makes you feel. The therapist is there to help you learn how to communicate to her and for you to be heard.

You sound like you don’t understand that it takes two to tango. You not being able to express yourself and get through to her is an issue that a therapist should be able to help you fix or address in the sense of really facing.


I have to agree with OP. I don't think you have come across people who are very difficult to deal with. His wife may need psychiatric help instead because she may need medication. Sounds like an extreme case of AdHD...


PP. False. Am divorcing someone high conflict with a likely personality disorder/ trauma/ anxiety.

My point under 3) stands. If she has an issue he needs to talk about how it affects him and set boundaries so the relationship can move pass this impasse. He also needs to find a better couples counselor if he feels it’s stagnating due to her undiagnosed issues.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 20:38     Subject: Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been doing couple and individual therapy and they behave been helpful. However DW I believe has developed some sort of obsession with therapy. The smallest disagreement or dispute it's let's go to therapy. It is starting to feel like a subscription to be honest. The latest event was us disagreeing about where we should go for our next vacation and she got upset during the discussion and you guessed it yet another therapy session. We have been married 12 years and it's always therapy therapy therapy...I have reached the point where the hearing the word from her stresses the hell out of me.....

Is therapy supposed to be like a subscription in perpetuity?


This is something you should discuss together in therapy. All of it. Therapy doesn’t “work” if you don’t bring your real thoughts and feelings. A few issues I see from what you wrote:

1) you say you yes her to death to avoid conflict; this is a YOU problem. If you have a therapist he or she will tell you that’s not a way to have authentic communication, boundaries, or conflict resolution. You need to learn how to talk to your wife about what matters to YOU.

2) clearly it matters to you that she wants to go to therapy. Buddy, open your mouth and say so in therapy. Talk with the therapist about how this makes you feel. Talk with your wife. Find out how she feels. Learn how to talk with her about her feelings.

3) You mention constant negativity. That’s something you should bring up in therapy. Maybe your wife needs more support, or maybe she’s going through something and needs medical care — like meds. You need to open your mouth and tell her how her chronic disregulation makes you feel. The therapist is there to help you learn how to communicate to her and for you to be heard.

You sound like you don’t understand that it takes two to tango. You not being able to express yourself and get through to her is an issue that a therapist should be able to help you fix or address in the sense of really facing.


I have to agree with OP. I don't think you have come across people who are very difficult to deal with. His wife may need psychiatric help instead because she may need medication. Sounds like an extreme case of AdHD...


Or vice versa, which is more likely.

The NT spouse brings up the conflict resolution needs at joint counseling, not the adhd or ASD spouse, who are too busy telling everyone that everything is great and the NT person is “bossy.”

Alternative is to blow everything up and divorce.

So constrict resolution, communication session versus quit & divorce.

Got it yet Op?
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:22     Subject: Endless therapy
Women love therapy because they love to talk. So any opportunity to keep yapping they will sign up.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:20     Subject: Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been doing couple and individual therapy and they behave been helpful. However DW I believe has developed some sort of obsession with therapy. The smallest disagreement or dispute it's let's go to therapy. It is starting to feel like a subscription to be honest. The latest event was us disagreeing about where we should go for our next vacation and she got upset during the discussion and you guessed it yet another therapy session. We have been married 12 years and it's always therapy therapy therapy...I have reached the point where the hearing the word from her stresses the hell out of me.....

Is therapy supposed to be like a subscription in perpetuity?


This is something you should discuss together in therapy. All of it. Therapy doesn’t “work” if you don’t bring your real thoughts and feelings. A few issues I see from what you wrote:

1) you say you yes her to death to avoid conflict; this is a YOU problem. If you have a therapist he or she will tell you that’s not a way to have authentic communication, boundaries, or conflict resolution. You need to learn how to talk to your wife about what matters to YOU.

2) clearly it matters to you that she wants to go to therapy. Buddy, open your mouth and say so in therapy. Talk with the therapist about how this makes you feel. Talk with your wife. Find out how she feels. Learn how to talk with her about her feelings.

3) You mention constant negativity. That’s something you should bring up in therapy. Maybe your wife needs more support, or maybe she’s going through something and needs medical care — like meds. You need to open your mouth and tell her how her chronic disregulation makes you feel. The therapist is there to help you learn how to communicate to her and for you to be heard.

You sound like you don’t understand that it takes two to tango. You not being able to express yourself and get through to her is an issue that a therapist should be able to help you fix or address in the sense of really facing.


I have to agree with OP. I don't think you have come across people who are very difficult to deal with. His wife may need psychiatric help instead because she may need medication. Sounds like an extreme case of AdHD...
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:13     Subject: Re:Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You haven’t learned how to handle disagreements.

Get a new therapist and learn. Are you just like”I’m too smart for this” and continuing to repeat bad behavior?


YOU have to do the work, the therapist cannot do it for you. It’s truly that simple.


Some people are not wired for couples therapy. I was one of those people. When I was ready for change, I changed — a lot. I didn’t like it driven by my spouse. I did individual for a bit and that felt like I was in the drivers seat. I could think about what the person said, and not my spouse

Sometimes the relationship is NOT the most important thing! That was the best thing I learned.


Fascinating mash-up of thoughts out of context.

Hope you started with a neuropysch test, then did targeted individual therapy given any diagnoses. Because, yes, couples therapy does not work for or with certain individuals, and actually can make things worse for the couple.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:10     Subject: Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been doing couple and individual therapy and they behave been helpful. However DW I believe has developed some sort of obsession with therapy. The smallest disagreement or dispute it's let's go to therapy. It is starting to feel like a subscription to be honest. The latest event was us disagreeing about where we should go for our next vacation and she got upset during the discussion and you guessed it yet another therapy session. We have been married 12 years and it's always therapy therapy therapy...I have reached the point where the hearing the word from her stresses the hell out of me.....

Is therapy supposed to be like a subscription in perpetuity?


This is something you should discuss together in therapy. All of it. Therapy doesn’t “work” if you don’t bring your real thoughts and feelings. A few issues I see from what you wrote:

1) you say you yes her to death to avoid conflict; this is a YOU problem. If you have a therapist he or she will tell you that’s not a way to have authentic communication, boundaries, or conflict resolution. You need to learn how to talk to your wife about what matters to YOU.

2) clearly it matters to you that she wants to go to therapy. Buddy, open your mouth and say so in therapy. Talk with the therapist about how this makes you feel. Talk with your wife. Find out how she feels. Learn how to talk with her about her feelings.

3) You mention constant negativity. That’s something you should bring up in therapy. Maybe your wife needs more support, or maybe she’s going through something and needs medical care — like meds. You need to open your mouth and tell her how her chronic disregulation makes you feel. The therapist is there to help you learn how to communicate to her and for you to be heard.

You sound like you don’t understand that it takes two to tango. You not being able to express yourself and get through to her is an issue that a therapist should be able to help you fix or address in the sense of really facing.


Spot on.

Avoidance & Passive aggressiveness, OP, doesn't solve anything and makes situations worse.

Piss poor communication - ie non-responsiveness, stonewalling, neglect, avoidance - also makes situations worse. And destroys trust and relationships.

Given the above, it makes total sense to "discuss" things with a therapist.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:07     Subject: Re:Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You haven’t learned how to handle disagreements.

Get a new therapist and learn. Are you just like”I’m too smart for this” and continuing to repeat bad behavior?


YOU have to do the work, the therapist cannot do it for you. It’s truly that simple.


Some people are not wired for couples therapy. I was one of those people. When I was ready for change, I changed — a lot. I didn’t like it driven by my spouse. I did individual for a bit and that felt like I was in the drivers seat. I could think about what the person said, and not my spouse

Sometimes the relationship is NOT the most important thing! That was the best thing I learned.


LOL.

Nevermind what the kids needed or spouse or actual situation! Just shut down, hide, wait for others to fix it all for you, then go nail it in solo therapy later & pat yourself on the back.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 14:05     Subject: Re:Endless therapy
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You haven’t learned how to handle disagreements.

Get a new therapist and learn. Are you just like”I’m too smart for this” and continuing to repeat bad behavior?


YOU have to do the work, the therapist cannot do it for you. It’s truly that simple.


Some people are not wired for couples therapy. I was one of those people. When I was ready for change, I changed — a lot. I didn’t like it driven by my spouse. I did individual for a bit and that felt like I was in the drivers seat. I could think about what the person said, and not my spouse

Sometimes the relationship is NOT the most important thing! That was the best thing I learned.


most people do both if trying to get through a difficult situation or find the best way forward. For acute or chronic mental disorders or coping with a loved one with chronic mental disorders.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2024 12:30     Subject: Endless therapy
Therapy never ends.