Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor, so the phrase “life isn’t fair” was a huge part of my upbringing and I guess that I still have it. Life isn’t always fair, it’s time you face that fact and teach your kids instead of whining about it. There are a million ways to get ssl hours and if your kids can’t be a junior coach then they’ll have to find something else to do. No it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go to summer camp because my parents couldn’t afford it. But when I applied for a counselor job I’m not surprised I didn’t get it because I had zero experience at camp (even though I was always great with kids and would have done well). Instead I got a job bussing tables.

Life isn’t fair, as soon as you accept it and know how to move on, the sooner you’ll be happy.

This might be the most helpful post on here.

I know this is true. I’m just said and upset at myself for not having done better.

You did fine and your best. I think many of these posters are being mean and without empathy. It still stuns me how hyper competitive and territorial this area can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

I mean swimming is all run by parent volunteers, who do you think has a responsibility to make it "inclusive" for you? We are a do the bare minimum volunteer family, but I don't begrudge the more connected parents whose kids have an "in". Those parents spend a TON of time making swim team happen - you can hardly expect them to invest all that time in order to give your kids the prime opportunities?

Maybe what I begrudge is the pretense that it is anything different. It is not my kids’ fault that we didn’t have the resources to make this happen when they were younger. But I can’t think of any other activity we ever joined where we saw kids effectively shut out from meaningful volunteer opportunities their peers were able to participate in. Perhaps that’s partly the nature of the activity but it feels toxic here on the outside.

I don’t understand what “pretense” you mean? Was this represented to you differently when you joined?

Yes. Yes it was.

Who represented that and what exactly did they say that led you to believe that there were unlimited junior coaching positions?

Now you are putting words in my mouth. I was merely led to believe that it would be easy for my kids to get involved (volunteering) but it seems that door is also closing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor, so the phrase “life isn’t fair” was a huge part of my upbringing and I guess that I still have it. Life isn’t always fair, it’s time you face that fact and teach your kids instead of whining about it. There are a million ways to get ssl hours and if your kids can’t be a junior coach then they’ll have to find something else to do. No it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go to summer camp because my parents couldn’t afford it. But when I applied for a counselor job I’m not surprised I didn’t get it because I had zero experience at camp (even though I was always great with kids and would have done well). Instead I got a job bussing tables.

Life isn’t fair, as soon as you accept it and know how to move on, the sooner you’ll be happy.

This might be the most helpful post on here.

I know this is true. I’m just said and upset at myself for not having done better.

Good, I’m glad it was helpful. Now give yourself two more hours to wallow in your feelings and then move on. You will teach your kids some resilience and that resilience will help them more as adults than a few hours of coaching. Believe in yourself and believe in them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

I mean swimming is all run by parent volunteers, who do you think has a responsibility to make it "inclusive" for you? We are a do the bare minimum volunteer family, but I don't begrudge the more connected parents whose kids have an "in". Those parents spend a TON of time making swim team happen - you can hardly expect them to invest all that time in order to give your kids the prime opportunities?

Maybe what I begrudge is the pretense that it is anything different. It is not my kids’ fault that we didn’t have the resources to make this happen when they were younger. But I can’t think of any other activity we ever joined where we saw kids effectively shut out from meaningful volunteer opportunities their peers were able to participate in. Perhaps that’s partly the nature of the activity but it feels toxic here on the outside.

You're not going to get sympathy from me. I had six kids and a deployed husband two summers and I made swim team happen. Your time isn't more valuable than other peoples'.
I'm sorry it isn't working out how you want but your attitude is definitely part of the problem.

Save it. My kids’ dad has been gone for years. It may surprise you that some parents literally have to work at jobs where they have to go in every day, and can only afford basic childcare which pretty much makes summer swim impossible unless your team only does late evening practices. What’s the solution in that case?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

I mean swimming is all run by parent volunteers, who do you think has a responsibility to make it "inclusive" for you? We are a do the bare minimum volunteer family, but I don't begrudge the more connected parents whose kids have an "in". Those parents spend a TON of time making swim team happen - you can hardly expect them to invest all that time in order to give your kids the prime opportunities?

Maybe what I begrudge is the pretense that it is anything different. It is not my kids’ fault that we didn’t have the resources to make this happen when they were younger. But I can’t think of any other activity we ever joined where we saw kids effectively shut out from meaningful volunteer opportunities their peers were able to participate in. Perhaps that’s partly the nature of the activity but it feels toxic here on the outside.

I don’t understand what “pretense” you mean? Was this represented to you differently when you joined?

Yes. Yes it was.

Who represented that and what exactly did they say that led you to believe that there were unlimited junior coaching positions?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor, so the phrase “life isn’t fair” was a huge part of my upbringing and I guess that I still have it. Life isn’t always fair, it’s time you face that fact and teach your kids instead of whining about it. There are a million ways to get ssl hours and if your kids can’t be a junior coach then they’ll have to find something else to do. No it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go to summer camp because my parents couldn’t afford it. But when I applied for a counselor job I’m not surprised I didn’t get it because I had zero experience at camp (even though I was always great with kids and would have done well). Instead I got a job bussing tables.

Life isn’t fair, as soon as you accept it and know how to move on, the sooner you’ll be happy.

This might be the most helpful post on here.

I know this is true. I’m just said and upset at myself for not having done better.

So take it to heart. That post literally said accept it and stop whining and yet you respond sad and whining.
I’m not trying to be mean but it’s hard to read it and think actually mean it was a helpful post. Tough love!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

I mean swimming is all run by parent volunteers, who do you think has a responsibility to make it "inclusive" for you? We are a do the bare minimum volunteer family, but I don't begrudge the more connected parents whose kids have an "in". Those parents spend a TON of time making swim team happen - you can hardly expect them to invest all that time in order to give your kids the prime opportunities?

Maybe what I begrudge is the pretense that it is anything different. It is not my kids’ fault that we didn’t have the resources to make this happen when they were younger. But I can’t think of any other activity we ever joined where we saw kids effectively shut out from meaningful volunteer opportunities their peers were able to participate in. Perhaps that’s partly the nature of the activity but it feels toxic here on the outside.

I don’t understand what “pretense” you mean? Was this represented to you differently when you joined?

Yes. Yes it was.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor, so the phrase “life isn’t fair” was a huge part of my upbringing and I guess that I still have it. Life isn’t always fair, it’s time you face that fact and teach your kids instead of whining about it. There are a million ways to get ssl hours and if your kids can’t be a junior coach then they’ll have to find something else to do. No it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go to summer camp because my parents couldn’t afford it. But when I applied for a counselor job I’m not surprised I didn’t get it because I had zero experience at camp (even though I was always great with kids and would have done well). Instead I got a job bussing tables.

Life isn’t fair, as soon as you accept it and know how to move on, the sooner you’ll be happy.

This might be the most helpful post on here.

I know this is true. I’m just said and upset at myself for not having done better.

I guess I"m confused by what you feel like you didn't know or what you think was a pretense.

Did you think there were unlimited junior coaching volunteer spots? That would be unusual in virtually any scenario, as junior counselors are still counted as kids from a safety perspective. You can't have dozens of 14 year olds running around.
If someone told you that there were unlimited volunteer slots for kids, and now they aren't, I can understand your frustration.

If you understood the slots were competitive, then do you feel the selection of junior coaches was unfair? What do you think your kids offer that would make them unique/standout from all the other kids applying?
What skills/talents/abilities/experiences do they have that the kids who were selected don't have?

I grew up poor, so the phrase “life isn’t fair” was a huge part of my upbringing and I guess that I still have it. Life isn’t always fair, it’s time you face that fact and teach your kids instead of whining about it. There are a million ways to get ssl hours and if your kids can’t be a junior coach then they’ll have to find something else to do. No it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go to summer camp because my parents couldn’t afford it. But when I applied for a counselor job I’m not surprised I didn’t get it because I had zero experience at camp (even though I was always great with kids and would have done well). Instead I got a job bussing tables.

Life isn’t fair, as soon as you accept it and know how to move on, the sooner you’ll be happy.

If you expected an unlimited number of coaching spots, that was not realistic. It takes time to train, manage, and oversee volunteers. There are a limited number of slots.

If you expected your kids to get priority over kids who have been involved for years, that's also not realistic. Being a good swimmer is only a portion of it. A coach will much prefer to have an assistant who has been on their team long enough to know how that coach works - what techniques they train, what drills they like - they can seamlessly coach the same way the head coach coaches. And also one who already knows the younger kids on the team, and those kids know the assistant - younger kids will be much more comfortable with someone they've "grown up" on swim team with. Those softer qualifications are huge - it's not all bias against newbies, there really are advantages to having a history on the team when you start coaching.

If your kids want to get there eventually, they need to go all-in on what they can do. Go to every B meet, spend extra time in the team area hanging out with the younger kids (both to get to know them and to show leadership and initiative), volunteer for whatever fringe activities they can. Get as involved in the team as they can. It's still no guarantee, but if a spot opens up in a year or two they might be in a position to take it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

I mean swimming is all run by parent volunteers, who do you think has a responsibility to make it "inclusive" for you? We are a do the bare minimum volunteer family, but I don't begrudge the more connected parents whose kids have an "in". Those parents spend a TON of time making swim team happen - you can hardly expect them to invest all that time in order to give your kids the prime opportunities?

Maybe what I begrudge is the pretense that it is anything different. It is not my kids’ fault that we didn’t have the resources to make this happen when they were younger. But I can’t think of any other activity we ever joined where we saw kids effectively shut out from meaningful volunteer opportunities their peers were able to participate in. Perhaps that’s partly the nature of the activity but it feels toxic here on the outside.

I don’t understand what “pretense” you mean? Was this represented to you differently when you joined?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of complaining "I feel so stupid" and it needs to be more inclusive, take some of the suggestions to go to B meets, etc...you haven't responded to those.
You don't want to volunteer but want your kid to get prime opportunities. That's not reasonable.

Where did I say I’m not volunteering?
I, the parent, have had no trouble taking volunteer slots. Every single meet my kids have attended, I have volunteered.

Should I sign my kids up for B meets so I can volunteer more? What am I missing?

Does your kid show up at B meets to cheer on/help time/ be a runner etc? That’s what is expected of our junior coaches…to support the team.
Let me guess. You don’t have time for that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of complaining "I feel so stupid" and it needs to be more inclusive, take some of the suggestions to go to B meets, etc...you haven't responded to those.
You don't want to volunteer but want your kid to get prime opportunities. That's not reasonable.

Where did I say I’m not volunteering?
I, the parent, have had no trouble taking volunteer slots. Every single meet my kids have attended, I have volunteered.

Should I sign my kids up for B meets so I can volunteer more? What am I missing?

Your kids don't swim B meets? Maybe our team is different, but junior coaches work with our pre team and then 8 and unders. As they age, they coach older age groups. If you want to know who is going to get the coaching jobs, see which 12 and 13 year olds are leading the younger kids in cheers or helping them navigate the meet, or trying to entertain them at then end when their friends are gone and you can guess which ones will be hired as 14 year olds

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah and some of the paid coaches at our pool aren’t year round swimmers, but like PP said they’ve been plugged in for years and their parents pretty much run the pool.

I just wish I’d learned this up front instead of getting our hopes up.

With all due respect, this is how life works in general right? The people who show up and give their time are going to be plugged in and have built the community to get the perks and benefits. You don't show up at the 11th hour and have that happen. There are things for the kids that are 100 percent merit-based, but no a community and volunteer-driven activity is not going to be it.

Obviously it’s fully reasonable and good to expect volunteering and commitment during participation, and we have been doing our part since we were able to join. But no, I don’t think having to be plugged into something for years, in this case more due to parents’ decisions, resources, and connections is “how life works in general”, and where that might be true in some places, I don’t see that as positive in this day and age that is supposed to be more inclusive. That is why this is all new to me.

Why should your kids who joined two years ago bump my kids? There are a limited number of coaching slots. My kids were taught how to swim on the team and have been swimming with them ever since. They spend almost all day at the pool most summer and have gotten to the point where they're part of that community. Why shouldn't they be allowed to coach just because your kid wants volunteer hours?