Anonymous
06/02/2024 09:36
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I’m early 60s and am decluttering like crazy. The attic is the current project. Ironically the biggest portion of what’s up there is the kids stuff that they don’t want us to toss. I’ve divided it in quadrants and done 2 sections so far. Just did a big charity pick up last week and bulk trash pickup yesterday. Very satisfying.
Our plan is to downsize to a condo once we are no longer working. So I don’t think we will leave that much for kids to deal with unless we die together in the next few years. If that’s the case there will be more than enough money for the kids to hire someone to clear things out. If they want to sell the beach house they can sell it furnished. It is already uncluttered and they would just need to toss our clothing (and get their own belongings out of course) or hire someone to do it.
Our plan is to downsize to a condo once we are no longer working. So I don’t think we will leave that much for kids to deal with unless we die together in the next few years. If that’s the case there will be more than enough money for the kids to hire someone to clear things out. If they want to sell the beach house they can sell it furnished. It is already uncluttered and they would just need to toss our clothing (and get their own belongings out of course) or hire someone to do it.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 09:36
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
The siblings and grandkids converged on the house. Spent a day looking through things, taking what we wanted (hint-- no one wants your shit, even the "nice" stuff).
Estate people came in and organized. We made enough off of that sale to cover the junk haulers. They spent 2 days and cost 10k to clear out. Then house went up for sale.
With MIL moving to assisted living we told her we were getting a storage unit and putting items there. We didn't. And she has never asked for any of it!
Estate people came in and organized. We made enough off of that sale to cover the junk haulers. They spent 2 days and cost 10k to clear out. Then house went up for sale.
With MIL moving to assisted living we told her we were getting a storage unit and putting items there. We didn't. And she has never asked for any of it!
Anonymous
06/02/2024 09:18
Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
My mother inherited her family’s house in the midwest. It was the house where she lived with her grandmother after her parents died and then lived with her Aunt and Uncle after her grandmother died. It was filled with memories of everyone for her and she could not part with much. She pulled out a few things but most stayed in boxes. She moved the whole kit and kaboodle from the Boston area to the Carolina coast when my parents retired. Twenty years later after the death of both of my parents it was still there mostly in boxes. Added to that was my father’s book collection and the stuff from their lives. My sister and I went down with our families and spent a week sorting it out. We filled 50 large contractor black bags and sent it to the dump or the local thrift stores. We pulled things we wanted and that we thought might have some value. We had an antiques dealer come and point to the dozen or so things that were worth more than $50 and we packed up the rest to send to the thrift store. It was mostly old Victorian used items that were worth $5-$10. I also took two large boxes and made up two beginner kitchens as our children were in HS and nearing the time when they would need stuff in their first college apartment. Those boxes have been excellent for them and although they are out of college now, most of the stuff is still being used because it was decent from the start.
After we each packed up what we wanted, we still had enough stuff to rent out the house as fully furnished. It took 18 months to sell the house (don’t ask how much it has gone up since we sold after Covid hit). We sold it as furnished so we did not have to pack anything more up.
It was not as much of a chore as we felt as if it was our last gift to our parents. It helped us through the grieving process and brought us closer together. We were able to let go of my mother’s traumatic childhood for her. They were her memories not ours.
After we each packed up what we wanted, we still had enough stuff to rent out the house as fully furnished. It took 18 months to sell the house (don’t ask how much it has gone up since we sold after Covid hit). We sold it as furnished so we did not have to pack anything more up.
It was not as much of a chore as we felt as if it was our last gift to our parents. It helped us through the grieving process and brought us closer together. We were able to let go of my mother’s traumatic childhood for her. They were her memories not ours.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:35
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I just cleaned out under 9 (!) sinks and vanities in my Dad and Smom’s house. (They are in assisted living, thinking the impossible, that they will go home).
8 bags of trash.
And I left enough for guests.
8 bags of trash.
And I left enough for guests.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:35
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Yes. As soon as we complete the task of getting their house empty, we are going to take a portion of that new found time to tackle purging our own home. While we are not pack rats like they were, it certainly makes you aware of just how much stuff accumulates over the years.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:31
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
There’s a whole trend for this, right? Swedish death cleaning?
Honestly my parents have a giant house full of stuff and I’m not worried about this. I’m not really attached to any of it and we’ll just hire a clean out company. I’m sure I’ll spend a lot of time in there crying and take photos and other mementos, but I’m not going to be stressed about the general stuff.
Honestly my parents have a giant house full of stuff and I’m not worried about this. I’m not really attached to any of it and we’ll just hire a clean out company. I’m sure I’ll spend a lot of time in there crying and take photos and other mementos, but I’m not going to be stressed about the general stuff.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:30
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
I got lucky that my mother died right before the pandemic and my father moved to a retirement apartment in a CCRC. We moved him with the stuff he needed and I used my spare alone time during 2020 to clear out the 5BR house. It wasn't so bad. I went room by room and sorted into three piles: Trash, Donate, Someone wants.
I had a laptop open to log any donations and contractor trash bags for trash. I hauled everything trash to the curb and used bulk trash pickups from the city to take it away. I didn't even have to rent a dumpster! Then I hauled the donations to Goodwill, put the unwanted furniture in the garage and called the Habitat for Humanity donation arm and they came to pick it up.
It took a few months, and I didn't have any pushback from my brothers. I am not overly emotional, but throwing away the framed photos of my father as a baby was sad, but those photos are not meant to be kept forever. We ooohed and aahed over them, scanned a few and moved on.
I had a laptop open to log any donations and contractor trash bags for trash. I hauled everything trash to the curb and used bulk trash pickups from the city to take it away. I didn't even have to rent a dumpster! Then I hauled the donations to Goodwill, put the unwanted furniture in the garage and called the Habitat for Humanity donation arm and they came to pick it up.
It took a few months, and I didn't have any pushback from my brothers. I am not overly emotional, but throwing away the framed photos of my father as a baby was sad, but those photos are not meant to be kept forever. We ooohed and aahed over them, scanned a few and moved on.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:26
Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:No more keeping things in case they ever come in handy.
I think this drives a lot of it. People can imagine uses for things, but they don’t think about what they could do if they needed something they gave away.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:10
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:My dad proudly talks about he doesn't throw anything away. He's still got all my childhood toys and stuffed animals in the garage, every magazine he's ever gotten, etc. It's going to be awful when he dies. Whenever I'm in their house, I go home and give or throw away something.
This is my DH. He is very proud that he has all the things that someone, anyone might want or need someday. It's like a badge of honor to him. He does not care that someone will have to deal with all of it when he's gone.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:09
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote: They know she didn’t want it all to go to Goodwill or what have you…
Too bad, so sad. If she wanted it to go someplace in particular, she should have done so while she was alive!
Do you not see how two people grieving the recent loss of their mother cannot breezily adopt a “too bad, so sad” attitude and “simply toss,” etc.? THE POINT of this thread is that there is a lot of emotional burden placed on those left behind. No, they can’t just act like a rude, anonymous internet poster…they are living in actual grief.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 08:04
Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
One reason we have never stored anything in our attic or expanded our house
Anonymous
06/02/2024 07:42
Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I've been decluttering for a while. No more keeping things in case they ever come in handy.
Also, our lifestyle has changed from a few decades ago. We don't need a service for 12, etc. No furniture to hand down to the kids (we don't have any valuable antiques) I want to do this sooner rather than later.
We recently redid the insulation in our attic. One of the boxes we had to move out so they could work was a box full of old papers: rental agreements from 20 years ago, work papers from 10 etc. We have a solo stove and sat around one night going through them, asking why we saved it and tossing it into the fire. It was fun and good reminder to not ave things because “I MIGHTNEED IT.” Spoiler alert: you don’t.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 07:41
Subject: Re:Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I've been decluttering for a while. No more keeping things in case they ever come in handy.
Also, our lifestyle has changed from a few decades ago. We don't need a service for 12, etc. No furniture to hand down to the kids (we don't have any valuable antiques) I want to do this sooner rather than later.
We recently redid the insulation in our attic. One of the boxes we had to move out so they could work was a box full of old papers: rental agreements from 20 years ago, work papers from 10 etc. We have a solo stove and sat around one night going through them, asking why we saved it and tossing it into the fire. It was tuna nd good reminder to not ave things because “I MIGHTNEED IT.” Spoiler alert: you don’t.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 07:01
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
This brings back sad memories of clearing out my mother’s house, and compared to so many, my situation wasn’t so bad. My mother had already downsized, she wasn’t a collector or hoarder, and she had a lot of stuff my sisters and I actually wanted.
And yet, it’s amazing how much there was to do!
A PP mentioned the idea that some elders think it’s funny that their heirs will work for the inheritance they get by having to clean out the house. I’ve heard that too, and they must be people who’ve never taken on that job themselves. It’s grueling.
And yet, it’s amazing how much there was to do!
A PP mentioned the idea that some elders think it’s funny that their heirs will work for the inheritance they get by having to clean out the house. I’ve heard that too, and they must be people who’ve never taken on that job themselves. It’s grueling.
Anonymous
06/02/2024 06:42
Subject: Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the note OP.
Any tips for getting rid of stuff if you’re a keeper of “too much” stuff? I especially struggle with old work papers. I’m kinda stuck. When I’m on a flight and turbulence hits; I think heaven forbid I leave my kids to dispose of stupid boxes full of work papers from a job from 15 years ago!! All tips welcome.
I tossed my old work papers into the trash.
Toss them. That’s my tip!