Anonymous
05/17/2024 23:06
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
Np. You have no idea why her kid doesn’t sleep through the night. One of mine wouldn’t sleep train. Years later we found out he had ADHD and anxiety. His inability to sleep through the night had nothing to do with boundaries.
Similar story with my son. He did not sleep as an infant- also didn’t latch breastfeeding- and was diagnosed with adhd by age 5. Anxiety by 5.5. Sleep training did eventually work, but he was a very different infant than our NT child. Regardless, dont judge parents who are struggling.
Exact same story for my oldest (and not for my NT younger one!)
Anonymous
05/17/2024 22:48
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
$0. I consider the cleaning/childcare to be my job
Anonymous
05/17/2024 22:40
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I spend about $500/week on housekeeper. She used to be our nanny when I worked but now she helps with cooking, cleaning and laundry. We live in a 12,000sf house.
With that size house and money at least pay her a decent salary.
She only works for us 1-2 days per week for us now. We also have biweekly cleaners. We spend around 2k per month between the biweekly cleaners and our former nanny coming 1-2x per week.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 21:37
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
If there are medical issues, they need a night nanny.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 21:35
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
Np. You have no idea why her kid doesn’t sleep through the night. One of mine wouldn’t sleep train. Years later we found out he had ADHD and anxiety. His inability to sleep through the night had nothing to do with boundaries.
Similar story with my son. He did not sleep as an infant- also didn’t latch breastfeeding- and was diagnosed with adhd by age 5. Anxiety by 5.5. Sleep training did eventually work, but he was a very different infant than our NT child. Regardless, dont judge parents who are struggling.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 21:23
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
Np. You have no idea why her kid doesn’t sleep through the night. One of mine wouldn’t sleep train. Years later we found out he had ADHD and anxiety. His inability to sleep through the night had nothing to do with boundaries.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 16:45
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
Lol thanks. I’ll be sure to tell her neurologists, sleep doctors, GI specialists, allergist, ENT and pediatricians that random internet stranger has declared our situation my fault. Gee, if only I’d tried to solve this.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 15:25
Subject: Re:SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Op I’m not in your shoes but I would spend what you need to get through it.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 14:48
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.
What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.
Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.
You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 14:34
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and drowning since I had my second kid. We have biweekly cleaners for about $350 a month. Am contemplating getting a part time nanny/housekeeper to help but it also feels like a luxury to have help around the house when I already don’t work. For those in similar boats, how much do you spend?
You have biweekly cleaners and you still can't keep your house picked u,p. You and I have two children and one is an infant whose only messes are made by you. This is how we common people keep our houses picked up and worthy for unexpected royal/presidential visits:
1. Every day when older child/children is/are finished
playing with you/toys, we have trained them to put toys in large plastic laundry basket used to store toys. Toys are only allowed in large basement/recreation room.
2. Every evening kitchen is left cleaned, this takes no more than 30 minutes. All community rooms are
picked up and this takes all of ten minutes.
3. Quilts or comforters on beds and easy to make beds in morning.
4. Bathroom etiquette is taught from early age and no clothes, towels, shoes are left on floor. There are laundry baskets in bathrooms and bedrooms and even very young children can be taught to put them dirty clothes in hamper.
The key is organization and desire to have a clean and picked up house and plain old common sense.
What a beetch.
So many American women are indolent and slothful. I have seen houses so filthy that if they were a restaurant the health department would lock their doors!
Anonymous
05/17/2024 14:23
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
I can't remember what I spent, but at one point I had my toddler in part day preschool, had a sitter one day per week for my infant (I would drop her off from about 9-3), had a biweekly cleaner - and it was still so stressful and tedious! We had a 3-year stretch where we moved 3x for my husband's job. Once we settled down I went back to work, first PT and then FT, and it was a breeze from there lol. I even had a 3rd kid. SAH parenting (prior to school age) is no walk in the park.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 14:07
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Also, zero. I don’t know any SAHP that has a nanny. We’re the nannies! And housekeepers.
I’ve known plenty of SAHMs who have au pairs or nannies, especially at 3 or more kids.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 13:52
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and drowning since I had my second kid. We have biweekly cleaners for about $350 a month. Am contemplating getting a part time nanny/housekeeper to help but it also feels like a luxury to have help around the house when I already don’t work. For those in similar boats, how much do you spend?
You have biweekly cleaners and you still can't keep your house picked u,p. You and I have two children and one is an infant whose only messes are made by you. This is how we common people keep our houses picked up and worthy for unexpected royal/presidential visits:
1. Every day when older child/children is/are finished
playing with you/toys, we have trained them to put toys in large plastic laundry basket used to store toys. Toys are only allowed in large basement/recreation room.
2. Every evening kitchen is left cleaned, this takes no more than 30 minutes. All community rooms are
picked up and this takes all of ten minutes.
3. Quilts or comforters on beds and easy to make beds in morning.
4. Bathroom etiquette is taught from early age and no clothes, towels, shoes are left on floor. There are laundry baskets in bathrooms and bedrooms and even very young children can be taught to put them dirty clothes in hamper.
The key is organization and desire to have a clean and picked up house and plain old common sense.
What a beetch.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 13:33
Subject: Re:SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
$0. 5 kids. I do it all. But, I wasn't struggling to keep up like you are. If you need help with things, go for it.
Anonymous
05/17/2024 13:30
Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
When kids were both little, under 5 each, i paid $800 a month for a part time nanny.