Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to stop looking at it as lucky/unlucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP. This sort of thing has a cascading effect. Getting the better teachers, coaches, and opportunities leads to increased self confidence, which opens more doors and leads to other opportunities.

My older sister was always the lucky one growing up. She won just about every contest and random-drawing event she entered. She won a bicycle, free groceries for a week, a free Thanksgiving turkey, and a giant bag of Tootsie pops. She got the wonderful teachers who then mysteriously retired or went on sabbatical by the time I reached her grade. Jobs, awards, and romance fell into her lap.

I didn’t have my sister’s social skills and charisma, so I focused on making the most of what I did have. I accepted that some doors were going to take more effort to open, and that the effort itself would teach me patience and perserverance and tolerance for frustration, things that sometimes get bypassed if life is played on easy mode.

As an adult, I’m still close to my sister. She’s gone through some very difficult personal struggles (some of which started as a child) and understands how capricious life can be. We build each other up, whether life is throwing us curveballs or bouquets of roses. In the end, having a supportive sibling like her is one of the best pieces of luck I could ask for. Encourage your kids to have a good relationship, OP, and to look past the things they can’t control.

Anonymous wrote:that is tough, things usually do even out. is there anything special you can do for the less lucky kid (maybe a cool summer program you can pay for that relates to one of his interests?)

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged person now with a sibling a little younger than me and my mom had this same narrative about my brother and me. It was really damaging to both of us. Everything good that happened to me was chalked up to luck and everything bad to my brother was another example of his bad luck.

I was the “lucky” sibling and got no credit for any hard work I did, positivity with which I looked at situations, opportunities I took, etc. It was all just gosh everything good just happens to you!!

My brother is very negative, blames others and his luck, doesn’t see anything as opportunities, etc. He plays right into the narrative of “no matter what I do I’m just unlucky.” He is also very jealous of me and thought everything came easily. At least he was, we’re all over it now of course but we did not have a good relationship growing up.

I suggest you cut out this thinking immediately. Good and bad things happen to everyone - focus on how your kids behave with the hand life deals them and reward them for behaving well given circumstances. There is jo good and bad luck.