Anonymous wrote:How is his credit card debt not part of the marital assets and liabilities?

I’m so sorry, OP.

It is marital debt in most states (assuming community property and the debt was from during the time of marriage, not prior). OP needs to talk to an attorney and/or finance person asap to figure out how to sort this.

My thinking is the bulk of the debt is mortgage. If they have a ~700k mortgage and ~600k equity then they are presumably living in a house worth about $1.3M. The market is good for sellers, OP needs to plan to get the house on the market to knock out that mortgage. Then try to negotiate down or consolidate the other debt at a low rate. Apply for a hardship with the hospital when bills come due. Often it is sliding scale so if she is unemployed or on a teacher’s salary with 3 kids, she may not owe much at all on the medical bills at least.

Also, her DH must have had a good enough job if they could buy a house that expensive and he’s getting approved for CCs. So hopefully that life insurance worth 1 year salary will create a cushion and help with deposit on a rental. I’d try to move close to the school I’d be working if I were OP. Add in some tutoring hours (sometimes that lays more than teaching) to supplement.

For now I’d worry about housing/groceries/retirement/rainy day fund vs college funds. The kids may need to work hard for scholarships and/or do 2 years of CC and transfer.

I’m sorry OP, this really sucks. Find a professional to help you out of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Every single debt is in his name.

You need to get a divorce immediately. You can still have compassion for him, and be-there-for-him in any manner that's acceptable to you.

this is absurd. if she's not on the house title, it's going to take forever to get that sorted as an ex-wife with three minor heirsunder 10, possibly intestate. the house and it's $600k of equity could be lost to foreclosure.

as a married unit, they currently have the following assets:

a $1.3 million dollar house with $840k of debt (mortgage +heloc)
$355k retirement
$100kish life insurance policy

he has the following additional debts:
$40k, secured by the cars. those can just go to the lienholders if they are under water, that's not her problem.
$55k unsecured credit card debt

i guess she could divorce and try to force the sale of the home and cars that way, but if he dies intestate and divorced while still owning the house and cars it's going to be long and messy to clear the estate.

i mean, she's screwed because she had three children and no strong means to support them on her own, but they aren't bankrupt, and when he dies the kids will get the social security payments which will help augment her teaching salary.

Every single debt is in his name.

You need to get a divorce immediately. You can still have compassion for him, and be-there-for-him in any manner that's acceptable to you.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are going through this but I don’t understand how you have 600k in equity in the house but owe $720k on the house?

It means that OP's house is worth approx. $1.3 million.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are separated. Does it make sense to go ahead and get divorced? Could that save me financially? That was actually my plan until his most recent hospitalization and then I felt guilty divorcing somebody who is dying.

i don't think it makes sense. if he doesn't have a will and won't make one, intestate is much easier if there is a spouse. also you'd lose 250k of the gains exclusion on the house.

the credit card debt and any medical bills are unsecured and fall behind all other creditors to his estate.

mortgage and heloc: follow the house. are you on the title? if you are not on the title you definitely do not want to divorce.

car debt: secured by cars.

estate debt precedence:

family, homestead, default allowances: $64000 in assets to spouse/family
funeral costs
administrative costs
debts.

anything that is TOD/beneficiary transfers to you outside of probate. there's some chance that they'd try to come after funds from the life insurance but the ($55k?) in credit card debt can be legally told to pound sand. do not make any payments or talk to anyone about those accounts.

you'll need about 5-10 death certificates.

each child should receive social security survivors benefits until they turn 18 or graduate high school. each child should receive monthly payments of about 60% of what his social security benefit would be. as a spouse you'll receive a $255 one time payment. it'll take a few months to get it set up but the payments will be retroactive to death.

Call the social security office the day he dies. A friend whose husband died told me that the social security benefits begin the day the death is reported to them, not the date of the actual death. Not many people are thinking of calling the social security office when they're facing the death of a partner, but you loose money if you don't. Sending hugs and good wishes to you and your family.

You will. Get social security survivor benefits as will the kids if they are minors. Do not worry about college right now.

Anonymous wrote:If he dies and you’re still married, you can file for social security survivor benefits. It’s not taxable and will be around $700/kid/month till they are 19.

Find a widow support group or a legal center to get your plan of attack,

that’s inaccurate. she and kids can still get benefits if they are divorced.

https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/ifyou.html#h6

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get another job now. You don’t have the luxury of waiting until the fall.

Who’s paying for childcare x 3 kids? Summer childcare is crazy expensive.

Welcomed to reality. bye bye disposable income

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are separated. Does it make sense to go ahead and get divorced? Could that save me financially? That was actually my plan until his most recent hospitalization and then I felt guilty divorcing somebody who is dying.

Do not feel guilty. I would ask a specialized lawyer for advice on this and then if it is beneficial tell him to not contest and draw everything up in the most beneficial way for you.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are going through this but I don’t understand how you have 600k in equity in the house but owe $720k on the house?

We have a similar situation. Our house is worth 1.5 but we have 650 left on the mortgage.

Op, do your math. All he owes, will come out of what he owns. All this take 1.5-2 years or even longer. His taxes will have to be filed also after passing.
Any idea who is on his work's life insurance as the beneficiary? My partner put his minor child as the beneficiary and we have really hard time getting the money out. It just sits at the company and waits for the child to turn 18.
Can you afford to keep the house on your salary and children's survivor's benefits? My ex made $110k and about the same for 16 years before passing. The child receives $2400 a month.
I'm not telling you to go to work now, but definitely in September. Children's SS benefits will come really fast after you get papers in and are paid from the day passing.
Worry about the college later. Closing the estate takes for years. Sorry it has to go this way. Mine was fairly similar.

I know that teaching is what you are trained for, but you may need to get a job that pays more. Corporate training or HR could be areas you could consider.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you are going through this but I don’t understand how you have 600k in equity in the house but owe $720k on the house?

That and the cars and spending she didn't know was mounting all sound off

Tutoring sounds good. Tailor a program you can easily market on fliers. That way you make your own hours and pay, which will be vital with 3 under 10. The Uber or door dash stuff will be way more trouble than it's worth. Reining this in deserves more time than spending hours working for pay that won't cover much. Don't fall into the trap of getting any job that takes advantage of your time and effort unless you are just trying to build work history in some sector and it's beneficial.
Your mental health needs care right now and order will go far. Schedule your days to break up tasks to address this (the debt, job hunting, benefits and forms...). Understanding what you're dealing with and having a game plan will relieve a lot of the pressure.

I’m sorry you are going through this but I don’t understand how you have 600k in equity in the house but owe $720k on the house?