Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

Agree this OP is so regressive. In other countries women are grateful to have opportunities that prior generations didn't.

Many people in the United States never had the opportunity to take care of their own children. There’s a whole demographic who only experienced life through the lens of constant work.

This is true for many minorities and can be true for lower income whites as well.

In that context the opportunity to take care of your body and your own children can feel very revolutionary.

I am a SAHM so no shade there, but 30 year olds don’t know $hit. Just sayin. Get back to me in 20 years. A lot can happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

You should get half of his retirement savings in a divorce. The bigger issue would be lack of current income.

People live a long time. 1/2 retirement is not enough to live on/retire on for a woman in her 50s faced with entering the job market for the first time in over 25 years.

I have a parent in assisted living. You have no idea how expensive those places are--my mom can afford it on her own retirement + my dad's pension after he died. I can't imagine how women left stranded could make retirement/old age work...it's of epidemic proportions--elderly care and lack of housing and the astronomical expense. Americans are ill-prepared.

They only get 1/2 of what was earned during the marriage and since they can't really contribute much after the divorce they are screwed and working into their 70's.

This. They lost the magic of time (aka compounding returns) in their peak earning years and there's no amount of saving they can do to "catch up" when they re-enter the work force in their 50s.

If you were SAH from 2010 to today, you missed the greatest bull run in history caused by ZIRP. One we likely won't see again in our lifetimes because we are getting burned on inflation. If you get divorced in your 50s in 2027, there's a good chance your investments as you re-enter the workforce will see a "lost decade" of returns (similar to the 2000-2010 period).

I’m lucky enough to be married to a guy who could afford for me to stay at home but who left the decision up to me given I had a successful career. As a mother of three I did make some career decisions to give me more flexibility and a better work/life balance but they were my decisions, not his. He knew it was important for me to work but he also knew that our children were my priority. It helped that he was a great and engaged father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ my husband was poor with a single mom working two jobs.

He wouldn’t even dare a woman without a career. He is very attractive, fit and highly intelligent.

For us, intelligence and wit is a turn on as is pulling your weight in an egalitarian household.

His mom was a feminist. All women in my UMC family always had a career age the men were very involved in family life. My dad was a fabulous cook and coached all of our teams.

You’re making A LOT of assumptions about those of us who do not prioritize having a job.

Yep we absolutely do.

I also think there is an enormous difference between someone who starts off with the outlook PP described and then decides to SAHM over time because of what's happening with their career paths, # of kids, any med issues or special needs, travel / relocation etc. Life is long and bumpy and unpredictable.

Someone who starts off like OP when young and childless is absolutely not the kind of person this PP is describing. Which is fine, but don't kid yourself.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, pls stay home and do everything so I can continue to focus on myself.

Yes. It’s this. It is also often the case that his mom stayed home so that’s the dynamic he expects.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there are men who want their wives to be able to SAH. Mine is one of them. Happily married 25 years and 2 kids. DH grew up as a latchkey kid to parents who worked all the time, while I had a SAH mom for my elementary school years. He was very supportive of me SAH if that was what I wanted to do. He understood the value of having a parent at home because he missed that as a kid.

Well he lacked perspective of what it was like to have a balanced life where both parents were working and home at a reasonable time.

Different times.

The worst thing you can do to your kids is to raise them exactly like you were raise or the exact opposite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

You should get half of his retirement savings in a divorce. The bigger issue would be lack of current income.

People live a long time. 1/2 retirement is not enough to live on/retire on for a woman in her 50s faced with entering the job market for the first time in over 25 years.

I have a parent in assisted living. You have no idea how expensive those places are--my mom can afford it on her own retirement + my dad's pension after he died. I can't imagine how women left stranded could make retirement/old age work...it's of epidemic proportions--elderly care and lack of housing and the astronomical expense. Americans are ill-prepared.

They only get 1/2 of what was earned during the marriage and since they can't really contribute much after the divorce they are screwed and working into their 70's.

Yes, there are men who want their wives to be able to SAH. Mine is one of them. Happily married 25 years and 2 kids. DH grew up as a latchkey kid to parents who worked all the time, while I had a SAH mom for my elementary school years. He was very supportive of me SAH if that was what I wanted to do. He understood the value of having a parent at home because he missed that as a kid.

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Tell that to the GenX gray divorces I'm seeing with the SAHMs left with bread crumbs in their 50s-60s.

Trad wifes will see it in 20 years and then half to get their *sses out to compete with workers more than 1/2 their age for entry level jobs.

When you hear how miserable the working women on this board are and how much they despise their roughly equal earning husbands, it's no surprise many men would desire that.

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Ever Gen Z I know have great jobs and education and have no intention of living off the dole... but they do expect H's to be 50/50. All the ones with children had H who took 3-6 months paternity and are equal partners in parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

You should get half of his retirement savings in a divorce. The bigger issue would be lack of current income.

People live a long time. 1/2 retirement is not enough to live on/retire on for a woman in her 50s faced with entering the job market for the first time in over 25 years.

I have a parent in assisted living. You have no idea how expensive those places are--my mom can afford it on her own retirement + my dad's pension after he died. I can't imagine how women left stranded could make retirement/old age work...it's of epidemic proportions--elderly care and lack of housing and the astronomical expense. Americans are ill-prepared.

I don't really respect people that are not working, i just don't think they need to work for money so I could see that if that is what he meant.

I think a young guy would wish they make enough money nobody in his family ever "has to work" ... don't you? I'd love to have kids who could follow passions and live off a trust fund... of course it would be contingent on them actually don't something.

I personally work hard and make a lot of money so my h could have a "save the world" type of job that paid less and yes, I was glad I could do that for him/the world/etc.

Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap