I know you don’t want to hear horror stories, but a man I work with had a bad outcome and went into sepsis following his vasectomy and almost died. He was out of work for almost a month. I do not know if he has ongoing pain or if it has impacted his quality of life because we are not that close.

I have an IUD and thought about asking my husband to get a vasectomy once it expires, but my colleague’s experience changed my mind. It’s not worth the risk to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it "my body, my choice" only when it applies to women? OP put stipulations in place (condom, less frequent sex) and he is perfectly fine with it. Why is he being called selfish and an ahole?

It's still "my body, my choice." She can't force him to have a vasectomy or have sex if he doesn't want to, he can't force her to carry a pregnancy to term or get a tubal ligation, and neither of them can force the other to stay in the relationship. They can discuss it, and they can have conversations about it, but neither can make the decision for the other.

None of this is inconsistent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want one more baby but also know it's a terrible idea for multiple reasons (age, previous C-sections) so it's a hard no. I will tell DH about the laser vasectomies. Both urologists he met do things traditionally with a scalpel.

For better or worse, I have used sex as a lever to nudge DH in the right direction. I limit it to only times I know I can't get pregnant, and tell him things can return to normal once he gets the vasectomy. The problem is that he seems to have become complacent with this. I never thought it would stretch out this long.

He doesn’t want the procedure. Respect his decision.

Having opinions isn't being disrespectful. Forcing is. And from my point of view, if this makes them sexually incompatible, then either can draw the line there.

Well said. Discussing their opinions respectfully is part of a healthy relationship. If OP feels that the burdens and risks have been unfairly piled on her, she should voice that opinion. How they proceed from there is up to them. I wonder if similar to a PP if this kind of imbalance is found in other aspects of their relationship too.

Anonymous wrote:Remind him that a vasectomy is lower risk than each of your multiple c sections and that he is being a selfish prick.

THIS!!! My husband got a vasectomy for me for this very reason. I had already had three c-sections with the last one resulting in lots of bleeding post c-section. The risk of you getting pregnant is waaaaay higher than any risk of his vasectomy. He really needs to get over himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and have probably heard of at least two dozen men getting vasectomies. I know of exactly one guy who had complications. I don't recall what exactly they were or how it was resolved though.

1 in 24? 4% anecdotally.

It's 1-2%, and that includes things like bruising at the site, local pain, and infection (much decreased if it is done with good sterile technique and aftercare instructions followed appropriately).

Risk of complications is greatly reduced if the vasectomy is at a hospital, in a sterile environment.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and have probably heard of at least two dozen men getting vasectomies. I know of exactly one guy who had complications. I don't recall what exactly they were or how it was resolved though.

1 in 24? 4% anecdotally.

Anonymous wrote:Every male member of my family in my generation and my dad’s got a vasectomy once their families were complete. TMI, but it’s the truth. OP’s husband is being a drama llama.

+1
The same applies to my family and our extended friend group. Because of that, I assumed it was very common but I've met random people here and there that would never consider it. I think it might relate to several factors and the one op mentioned (previous health related problems) would understandably make her dh apprehensive. I can't say I fault him if his excuse is better than most who don't get it.

It's also a self defeating cycle of issues if you end up with the stress of more babies to avoid a simple procedure. Hopefully this won't be the case but with age, fertility might go down, but chances for multiples and difficulties go up.

How old are you, op?

The calendar and pulling out are likely sufficient.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it "my body, my choice" only when it applies to women? OP put stipulations in place (condom, less frequent sex) and he is perfectly fine with it. Why is he being called selfish and an ahole?

It's still "my body, my choice." She can't force him to have a vasectomy or have sex if he doesn't want to, he can't force her to carry a pregnancy to term or get a tubal ligation, and neither of them can force the other to stay in the relationship. They can discuss it, and they can have conversations about it, but neither can make the decision for the other.

None of this is inconsistent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want one more baby but also know it's a terrible idea for multiple reasons (age, previous C-sections) so it's a hard no. I will tell DH about the laser vasectomies. Both urologists he met do things traditionally with a scalpel.

For better or worse, I have used sex as a lever to nudge DH in the right direction. I limit it to only times I know I can't get pregnant, and tell him things can return to normal once he gets the vasectomy. The problem is that he seems to have become complacent with this. I never thought it would stretch out this long.

He doesn’t want the procedure. Respect his decision.

Having opinions isn't being disrespectful. Forcing is. And from my point of view, if this makes them sexually incompatible, then either can draw the line there.

Anonymous wrote:I do want one more baby but also know it's a terrible idea for multiple reasons (age, previous C-sections) so it's a hard no. I will tell DH about the laser vasectomies. Both urologists he met do things traditionally with a scalpel.

For better or worse, I have used sex as a lever to nudge DH in the right direction. I limit it to only times I know I can't get pregnant, and tell him things can return to normal once he gets the vasectomy. The problem is that he seems to have become complacent with this. I never thought it would stretch out this long.

He doesn’t want the procedure. Respect his decision.

Anonymous wrote:Husband had it done by laser at GW. Zero issues (4 years later now). Recovery fast, no big deal. He was 49. Should have had him do it much earlier.

Know lots of men who had it done. Zero issues.

It’s the simplest snip.

Why didn't you get your tube's tied during your last C-section? Best time to do it was then if you knew you didn't want anymore kids, OP. If your DH doesn't want a vasectomy you can't force or demand he have one.

Why is it "my body, my choice" only when it applies to women? OP put stipulations in place (condom, less frequent sex) and he is perfectly fine with it. Why is he being called selfish and an ahole?

Anonymous wrote:Selfish. So selfish. Though I hesitate with all the suggestions of an ultimatum. I think this inability to get a vasectomy and the feelings it’s causing you are an indication of bigger relationship problems that need unpacking.

My ex refused, I later divorced him for other reasons. But the selfishness was all around. I birthed and nursed 3 kids for a total of 9 years altogether, he can get snipped. Any man unwilling is selfish.

Anonymous wrote:Kindly remind him that the risk of you dying from multiple c sections is like 100x higher than his bs fear. Seriously, he's an a$$. I'd just stop having sex and say no more until.you get the procedure.

I'd also wonder if he's hedging his bets to have more kids with a younger woman when he leaves you.

100%. A pregnancy that’s healthy with a normal birth carries so much more risk than a vasectomy! I’m saying this as someone whose husband’s vasectomy failed and I ended up pregnant again 4 years later (whoops lol but it was fine in the end)- he needs to get the vasectomy an any excuses not to are weak and selfish. Every single option on your end is more invasive, more complicated, and more risky. Period.