Divorce, but slowly and carefully. Move those assets out of the marriage. Document what a great dad you are, and what a lousy mom she is.

Go for it. You will feel better for it and may find a new friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s indicative of neither spouse being mentally healthy enough to handle marriage. Which is likely how you ended up here.

Just divorce. Fix yourself. Be a good parent to your kids.

+100

Depends on the cheating. Basically when women cheat your marriage is over anyway. So cool your heels and get divorced and then go crazy. Bonus is you’ll look good in the divorce and get revenge by living your best life. This is a war and not a battle - play the long game

You both sound dirty. Just man up and divorce. She clearly has no respect for you.

My wife cheated, but gave me a pass.

Anonymous wrote:Your integrity should not depend on someone else, my dh has had 2 affairs but I’m better then that, you should be also.

It sounds like you are okay playing a martyr, but OP may not be so much. Once your spouse cheats, the marital vows are broken, and your integrity will be just fine if you decide to see other people. Just be good to your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking about having a fling to get back at my wife for her affair…divorce is not viable given my attachment to the kids.

If anyone has had a clandestine fling to even the score, how did it work out?

Women will put their happiness and emotions before you and your kids. Remember that. Men will sacrifice their happiness for their family. The love that men have for their children is very underappreciated in western societies. So don't follow her to the sewers that's where she belongs.

Why throw away your own integrity just because someone else ruined theirs? Also, completely unfair to use another person like this.

Divorce is the right thing to do.

Ewww..
Get a divorce already.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is cathartic to cheat back. It makes you less of a victim and takes back your agency.

If you wouldn't have cheated unless you were cheated on, it's not really taking back your agency to do something you'd normally consider morally wrong. It's just letting your spouse's terrible choices prompt you to cave in to equally terrible behavior. Yes, equally, even if the spouse cheated on you so "they did it first!" That's schoolyard, childish thinking. What's actually cathartic is to move immediately to ending the marriage if there is nothing to repair.

Why would it be revenge?

Do you really think it'll hurt her feelings if you go out and screw someone who isn't her, after she had her own affair? I think you're a bit naive.

She may actually be relieved if you have your own affair or one night stand, OP. She might just feel that your doing so only proves it's not that bad a thing and the marriage vows mean as little to you as they clearly did to her. She might feel that "I'm off the hook because he did the same."

So be an actual adult and either insist on intensive marriage therapy (if you want to salvage the relationship); or divorce, because as someone else said earlier, you do not divorce your chiildren; or agree clearly and explicitly that you and she are living as only housemates and both of you -- yeah, her too -- are free to do whatever you want as long as the kids don't see the affair partners coming and going from the house.

I think therapy is likely useless since you have this immature revenge mentality; being housemates is a horrid and fake way to live a life; and divorce is the decent thing to do. Better that, than randomly finding some woman to screw, who might develop an iota of actual interest in you, but you're only there for the revenge and the convenient Os you'll also get along the way. Don't be that jerk. This won't really be the revenge flex you think it'll be. Either get serious about fixing things or get serious about divorcing, but revenge sex just introduces more potential harm and might let DW feel she's off the hook because you did the same thing she did.

I think it is cathartic to cheat back. It makes you less of a victim and takes back your agency.

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking about having a fling to get back at my wife for her affair…divorce is not viable given my attachment to the kids.

If anyone has had a clandestine fling to even the score, how did it work out?

Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking about having a fling to get back at my wife for her affair…divorce is not viable given my attachment to the kids.

If anyone has had a clandestine fling to even the score, how did it work out?

Well, no. I have integrity.

— another DH who got cheated on. I did leverage that shit in the divorce though.

Please share how you leveraged it.
I’m the higher earning spouse and my DH cheated, left me and the kids and filed for divorce. He’s close to full deadbeat. However, law says I may have to pay him?!? What injustice.
So how do they do I “leverage” his ongoing affair against him?

You described pretty much every man married to a cheating stay at home wife. It’s what they always have had to do. Pay the cheating ho after the divorce.

Are there any blogs for cheated on breadwinners (mostly men) that discuss tips and divorce strategies. They need to bring back at fault divorces for adultery