Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

You are telling me your DD, as a middle schooler, was “dreaming of a T20?” That sounds like a parenting fail to me. How did she know about these elite schools? I think we can all answer this. Based on your original post using the word “we” - you planted the seed. Such a shame to do this to such a young kid, especially when you don’t seem to know about the current admissions game.

I have a motivated sophomore at a rigorous private. She, nor her friends, are “dreaming of a top 20 school.” They are all busting their a$$, but they know how competitive it is out there. They are aiming high but they are pragmatic.

Not necessarily a parenting fail. My kids were at Pyle and came home in 6th grade talking about how one friend wanted to go to this and that college. It's the parenting fail of other kids' parents often.

The long term passion, it needs to start around age 6 or 8, not falsely in freshman year. If there isn't one, naturally there's no use forcing a pretend one.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

You are telling me your DD, as a middle schooler, was “dreaming of a T20?” That sounds like a parenting fail to me. How did she know about these elite schools? I think we can all answer this. Based on your original post using the word “we” - you planted the seed. Such a shame to do this to such a young kid, especially when you don’t seem to know about the current admissions game.

I have a motivated sophomore at a rigorous private. She, nor her friends, are “dreaming of a top 20 school.” They are all busting their a$$, but they know how competitive it is out there. They are aiming high but they are pragmatic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

I think the gist is be realistic. Is she truly the top 1-2% intelligence-wise? That's the typical range expected for unhooked admits, especially moving back to test required. Does she enjoy learning for learning's sake, take initiative, get excited about challenging classes and "hard" teachers? If so then she will have a much better than average chance at T20 already. If she is naturally creative and caring then she will find 1-3 things she can dive deep into, and be able to write and discuss them with passion. She already has music: the creative piece. Encourage her to stick with it and dive deeper if she enjoys it.

DP...keep in mine, the average chance is less than 3%, so really be realistic about the goals. the idea of T20 or bust is ridiculous. The Ivies, for example, range in curriculum types, setting and geography. There is no logical reason, other than "prestige" that someone would apply to all of them.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

I think the gist is be realistic. Is she truly the top 1-2% intelligence-wise? That's the typical range expected for unhooked admits, especially moving back to test required. Does she enjoy learning for learning's sake, take initiative, get excited about challenging classes and "hard" teachers? If so then she will have a much better than average chance at T20 already. If she is naturally creative and caring then she will find 1-3 things she can dive deep into, and be able to write and discuss them with passion. She already has music: the creative piece. Encourage her to stick with it and dive deeper if she enjoys it.

Anonymous wrote:Why do people do this to their children? Posts like this honestly have me wondering…

+1. This is so gross.

Anonymous wrote:The best spikes come from the kid's natural instincts and preferences, not from parental grooming.

This is a false dichotomy. As a parent, I exposed my kids to different fields -- humanities, arts, stem. I encouraged them to try things and brainstormed on activities I thought were interesting that they might take to. It was really about exposure. Not just natural instinct, not grooming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

It is not true that they need a spike for a top school. Focus on academics, volunteering, SATs and doing what she is interested in. My two "well rounded, non-spikey kids" both got into t10

Same here. No need to give up.

Anonymous wrote:A parent generally cannot manufacture a spike. It is something innate with the student, a passion that they are obsessed about - debate, coding, football, whatever, something they truly excel at.

Does playing fifa on the Xbox count? My kid is very spiky at that.

OP - I have a kid who gets great grades, will have a ton of APs, plays his sport at the travel and high school level but not going to be recruited, plays his instrument well but not at any type of competitive level and is generally a lovely kid. He has no “passion” and we can’t fake one. He also doesn’t have a ton of personal drive - that may develop as he is only a sophomore but probably not in time for the college application process. So, he will apply to a wide variety of schools and see where he ends up. I think he would be able to handle a T5 school (like his sibling) just fine. But probably can’t convince a T5 school that they should take him. Which is their loss. Let your kid be. She will find her way. I know mine will.

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone on this forum a nutcase?

Yeah, in a nutshell.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

I don’t think you are, really. She could definitely (on her own!) develop some spikiness (or not-both are fine.) Either way, it’s possible she’ll get into a top 20 but also very possible she won’t, however spiky and excellent she is. It’s not a matter of giving up a dream but rather broadening her horizons about what a good future looks like.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

It is not true that they need a spike for a top school. Focus on academics, volunteering, SATs and doing what she is interested in. My two "well rounded, non-spikey kids" both got into t10

OP, no one said give up. Just be realistic about the odds of acceptance. Can't realize a goal if she doesn't try.

I think it's more important to have a narrative or story that pulls the application together than a spike. It’s not too late for your daughter to find activities and classes that bring math, music and writing together.

OP here. Thank you to everyone who gave a helpful, non-aggressive answer. The takeaway seems to be that DD can’t simply develop a spike and that it is just something people are born with. Whether this is true or not, people seem to think it’s best to just give up trying to get into a top school. This is disappointing as it’s been DD’s dream for a while. Am I getting the gist?

Anonymous wrote:DD is a freshman who has always been “well rounded”- does a few ECs well, but not exceptionally so (I.e. at a national level). However, we are aiming for T20s and I’ve heard that to get in without a hook, students need a “spike”.

If this is true, how should we get around this? Should we focus on one EC and drop the others? Should we tie them together to create a strange niche?

Thanks.

My kid is unhooked and got into four T10s, incl a top ivy, and did not have a "spike" whatever that is. The main ECs were ones started in elementary school (music/arts), having nothing to do with the high school academic clubs and awards/honors received(not national), and was not a significant factor in admissions since they do not have the fully college-supported arts departments at her ivy, just clubs. ECs merely show dedication, and DC had that in spades. What landed DC into multiple top schools (in RD--did not ED) was being highly successful in ALL of the hardest classes, across disciplines, with less hours than the peers put in, leaving more time for dedicated ECs. Being highly intelligent and acing all the standard tests (PSAT/AP/SAT) helped as well. DC is also very kind and had top recs--some revealed parts after the fact. You cannot force any of this as a parent. They either have it or they don't.
For T20s, just landing one will take little less than this level, based on the peers, but you cant game it or it will come across inauthentic. Take a big step back and let your kid lead : they will end up where they can succeed even if not Top 20.