Have a friend who is 48 and never married.

He is totally devoted to his career.
He had a number of longterm relationships that didn’t work, but he partly didn’t make them work/ realize they weren’t working because he was often long distance for work.
He is picky. Very high standards.
He’s putting himself out there in a flirtatious way that could be interpreted by women as not serious (and maybe he’s not a lot of the time).

I don’t know why it hasn’t worked out for him but just like everything in life there is luck.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get married until I was 49. I had no desire to, at all. I was having too much fun building my career and doing wonderful things.

I might still be unmarried but I had a nightmare that my boyfriend was in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to see him, because I wasn't family. I proposed to him that morning.

You can take care of this legally without getting married.

I didn't get married until I was 49. I had no desire to, at all. I was having too much fun building my career and doing wonderful things.

I might still be unmarried but I had a nightmare that my boyfriend was in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to see him, because I wasn't family. I proposed to him that morning.

Anonymous wrote:Of them? I know you people judge everyone so what is the first thing that pops in your mind when meeting someone like this?

The turn off for me is if they have never been in a serious, committed relationship. Also, imo, the older people get, the more inflexible they become, making it even harder to enter a relationship.

I'm a woman in my 50s. I've never married, but I have a kid. I actually know a number of great single women (successful, kind, community-minded) who never married. What they are not is conventionally attractive.

I did the dating scene until I turned 40. The few men who were interested seemed to have mental illnesses or were day trading forex with their retirement funds. Being single seemed way better.

I'm 52, female, never married. People just assume I have been because I have a kid so I don't correct them unless it seems important. People judge. A lot of the worst people I know are married, and a lot of the marriages I know don't seem that great, so it annoys me that I'm getting judged as weird or a loser when I'm neither. I have been asked. But the guys who asked either asked at the wrong time of life or I couldn't see myself being happy with them forever. I'd rather be single than married unhappily or divorced.

Anonymous wrote:They are smart, very smart

I think this, too. I am the PP who said I am jealous.

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t prioritize dating and were too picky.

Maybe. For the women

Anonymous wrote:Undiagnosed and/or untreated mental illness.

+1. Especially the men

They didn’t prioritize dating and were too picky.

I have a lot of friends who are not married in their 40s.

Lots of reasons.

Unlucky.
Too picky or idealistic, still picky.
Too picky or idealistic with regret, but pickings are slim and now it's legitimately difficult to even settle within reason (wait until late 40s divorces though).
Too afraid of commitment, for a variety of reasons.
Bad timing (had to care for family member, had debilitating illness, etc...).

So I just think they're not married. For any number of reasons.

Range of reasons, just like anything else in life. If we’re going by generalizations, then more likely than not there’s some personality disorder going on. Maybe they have dismissive avoidant attachment style. ..or they’re just really unattractive (physically OR personally wise) yet think they’re entitled to the top tier only.

First reaction, which I know IATA
Women: Too picky or too doormat
Men: Partied too hard in their twenties, or slut

Right place wrong time or something like that. Maybe a medical issue when they were younger, maybe wrong environment, maybe I healed trauma, maybe high standards, maybe have not enough money, maybe not enough social capital.

Closeted gay and/or very unlikeable.